Torn
by TheRainGirl
Summary: What if Edward was too late? Twilight alternate ending. Following orginial Pre-BD canon. Rated M for mature, dark themes, and violence. Angst and lemons throughout. COMPLETE!
1. Prologue

_Edward,_

_I love you. I am so sorry. He has my mom, and I have to try. I know it may not work. I am so very, very sorry._  
><em>Don't be angry with Alice or Jasper. If I get away from them it will be a miracle. Tell them thank you for me. Alice especially, please.<em>  
><em>And please, please, don't come after him. That's what he wants. I think. I can't bear it if anyone has to be hurt because of me, especially you. Please, this is the only thing I can ask you now. For me.<em>

_I love you. Forgive me._  
><em>Bella<em>

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><p><strong><em>AN: As you know I own nothing. This was taken directly from Twilight. All rights and credit belong to The Meyer._**

**_More to come, I promise._**


	2. Martyr

**A/N: This is my first time writing something dark. With the support of Sushinegal3, 22blue, ParismyLove, and Skeezon who've all cheered me on, I'm posting something way out of character for me and I really hope you enjoy. Please review and let me know if I'm doing this okay. **

**Soundtrack: Music was especially important while I've been writing and how this story was inspired. I will be adding music to the playlist as I post here: ****tinyurl(dot)com(slash)tornfic Music teasers will be put up a few days prior to when I post the new chapter.**

**Disclaimer: I own the new Hex Hall book- Demon Glass, a rotten dog who is nesting and rutting in my new blanket, and a glass full of orange juice and vanilla vodka… I do not however own anything The Meyer has rights on! Really. Don't narc to Summit. ;)**

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><p>Martyr<p>

Bella is gone.

I am too late, and she is gone. I hate myself for failing her in the most ultimate way. I hate that I will never get the chance to beg her forgiveness. I can never again tell her how her laughter calls to my heart or how much I love to hold her warm body in my arms and feel the rhythm of her heart against me. Her heartbeat, the most significant sound... is gone. She is gone.

I could have taken her and made her my mate. My first instinct is to drain her, but once I learned about her, got to know who she was, my very being was changed. And it is very difficult to change a vampire. I knew I would never be the same once Isabella Swan entered my existence. And now my existence is gone.

I remember making the decision to leave my family, to track and hunt, and kill. It was made as soon as I saw him within Alice's vision carrying away my beloved's limp body. Her red-brown hair cascading over his arms like a veil- her once warm, chocolate eyes devoid of life- the pink lips that I longed for parted, but with no breath. I heard him say he'll never give back her corpse, that I would never get closure. The sick bastard thought it would be funny to go back to Forks some day and see if he could terrorize her family. His thoughts rest for a moment on Victoria then he is fraught with images of his happiness over my misery and rubbing the pain of losing her into my face again and again. He beams at the thought of having an eternity to boast his victory over the Cullens.

I could vividly see through my sister's mind that I was too late and that he had drained her, pale and cold and the spark that once lit my soul had gone out with her life. Because I could not read her mind, I would never know what her last thoughts were. Regret pierces my thoughts, I wish I had asked her more often what she was thinking. I feel like I took my love for granted. I was not close enough to read his mind, but Alice is close enough behind me and we are so attuned that I could see it all in her mind. My beautiful Bella hoping to die to save those she loved. So selfless, until the end all she wanted was to keep others safe, including me. This thought guts me through the heart.

Remembering the prideful, sated look on his face as he gripped her lifeless body with his disgusting hands caused my non-existent blood to boil harder. I was revolted by the visions in his mind. My life is over anyhow. Without her, I have nothing. She was my _everything_; the blood that kept me alive, the beat within my heart, and the reason I began to believe that I had a soul. With her unending, unwavering adoration, I truly felt like I was no longer a soul-less monster. She gave me a soul.

Without the embodiment of my heart, the world has become the blackest tomb. I want revenge. It is the only thing keeping me from sacrificing myself to the Volturi wrath, giving myself an easy death. Bella told me to let it go in her letter, but who just lets go of the one part of their existence that is worth anything? Who can let the person who took your life away go on with no repercussions? Part of me would like to still be the man in love with Bella, but I cannot be him without her. No matter how angry Bella would be at my choices now... she's not here. So he will pay.

I immediately turned near the ballet studio where my life ended with Bella's and started tracking James. He is quick, but I could track him. At some point I crossed a path, somewhere in Nevada, he is with another vampire, a familiar vampire, but I couldn't tell who. Not his mate, Victoria, this is a male. Then they separated after a few miles.

I continue on, chasing James. I have no time to deal with anyone who associated with him unless I come across that flame-haired wench, Victoria. I will kill her just as readily as I will kill James. I know I will enjoy annihilating his mate as he did mine.

Some of the feelings inside me are concerning, the desire to kill especially, but I don't care. I feel horribly for abandoning my family, becoming a shell of who they expected me to be. Alice saw my decisions; they all try in their own way to stop me. Carlisle calls my cell phone horrified at what I am sure Alice had told him and asks me to stay with them. Esme cries out behind him and yells for me to stay with the family. Emmett calls as well, he asks to join me, but I can hear as Rosalie begs him to stay with her. Alice calls repeatedly and apologizes over and over for not seeing it sooner and not keeping a closer eye on her. I try to explain that this is my fight.

"No!" Alice screams through the phone. "This is just as much my fault, and I want to help. Please Edward. Don't do this alone." Her voice quiets. "I loved her too, Edward."

I imagine Jasper by her side pushing his calm toward his beloved mate, ebbing and flowing, back and forth like a rough tide pushing against the sadness within her. It absolutely wrecks me to hear her talk this way. It is no one's responsibility but mine. Alice knows me better than anyone. She takes a deep breath then, and I can feel that she knows my heart is gone.

"They're still split, but she's trying to meet with him. They are heading toward Canada, I think," she whispers in a broken voice. I quickly say good-bye and end the call before I can regret my decision.

My last conversation with any of them is with Carlisle, "Please son, can we do this together?" What did he want? He wanted to go with me to hell?

"Carlisle, this is my fight." I speak quietly feeling a seething black rage that boils inside me like a volcano awaiting its moment of violence and destruction.

"I understand that, but we are your family. Bella is our family too." My heart stirs and twists painfully at his words. "Let us help you. Let us figure out a way for you to avenge your Bella, but in a way where we won't lose you as well. Please, Edward."

I sigh heavily feeling his words "your Bella" strike across my dead heart. I want to be lost as long as James dies first.

"I can't put you in danger, you know that. And I don't know if I will come back, Carlisle."

Soon I hear Esme beg into the phone, "You will stay with us, we will do this together. Then, after we take them apart and keep them from menacing others, you can make your decision. We need to do this together! We owe it to you to help, my son."

"You owe nothing!" I shout at my parents. "This is my fault. Mine alone. I will do this on my own. Go live your lives and be happy, please." I grimace as Esme makes an almost human sobbing noise before I end the call.

If I didn't know better, I would think she were creating tears with her cries. But even though it shatters me more to hear my family in pain over my decisions, I know that I am no longer the brother and son they loved and cared for and that is more than I can bear. I will not bring my diseased and corrupted soul into their lives again.

As I make my way tracking James, my thoughts turn back to my family. I think about how I hope they go back to Forks, help Charlie, and find a way to give him peace. My mantra over and over in my mind is- _This is my fight. Mine alone. They will pay._ I know my family will be okay eventually. They each have someone; they each have the other piece of their soul. They got along fine without me once, and they will again.

James and his mate will be finished before they realize. They will pay for killing my Bella; they will be destroyed, just as they destroyed me.

I text Jasper after he also tries his hand at retrieving me via phone calls and also apologizes for not doing more, but I am beyond apologies. I ask him to take care of the family and to tell Alice I do not blame her. I throw my phone into a large lake I pass somewhere in the Northern California area. Knowing what my plan is, I will not need my family. I need to do this alone.

I will track the Nomads. I will find them and James will pay.

I will kill James' mate.

Eye for an eye.

Mate for mate.

Slowly, he will feel the pain I feel.

His mate will die in agony.

Then he will join her.

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><p><strong><em>EN: Thank you for reading. I hope you will review and let me know what you think._**

**_PS- Happy Birthday, Kristen :)_**


	3. Pain

**A/N- Hi again. Thank you for coming back. **

**Here's a link to the playlist with a music teaser for the next chapter(the last three songs)- www(dot)youtube(dot)com/view_play_list?p=2FD6EEF3EC8D19CD**

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><p><strong>Pain<strong>

_All consuming fire mixed with ice._

_Burned from the inside out._

_Frozen from the outside in._

I cannot feel anything, but searing, terrifying agony. It feels like I will shatter into a million jagged pieces. Nothing compares to the pain, it is so indescribably overwhelming and I can't focus on anything or any one part of me, just pure torture.

Trying to focus on something, anything but the burning daggers that are assaulting every nerve, my mind cannot do anything but send pain messages back and forth. I try to scream, but I hear no sound. I try to move, to run from the pain, but the burning turns to stabs and slices throughout my body.

My skull feels full, too full, as though it will crack and break apart at any moment. My eyes burn and pulse, feeling like they will be pushed out of my head. I try to breathe through it, somehow remembering that oxygen helps pain, breathing deeply can relax muscles. But no relaxation comes. Only pain and burning, freezing cuts from within. My body revolts against me, only feeling pain until it seems I have gone numb. As soon as I try to focus on a part of my body the ebb of ice and flame returns pushing through my veins and scorches my focus away.

After an eternity of hell's embers and freezing death creeping along my body, I stop feeling altogether, total nothing. Blessed nothing. Although I am grateful for nothing, it also petrifies me further.

Alone with nothing. I am just alone in a dark abyss almost floating and unmoving. I concentrate hard on pushing the memories of the pain away and when it's gone, there is nothing. Merely entombed in a void. I don't know how long it's been. Minutes, days, years. Nothing is concrete, there is only black. I fade between remembering the pain of before and thankfully feeling nothing. _So this is death..._

At some point I do remember feeling again. Feeling something, something other than the pain so awful I begged for the numbness of death. _Thirst._

My thoughts regain slowly and as soon as I can, I focus again and try to remember. I try to process how I got to wherever I am, but nothing is concrete. Clips, bits and pieces only, flash in my mind. A face that looks familiar with golden eyes, a smiling woman with a large hat, a man with a mustache in all black, a small black-haired girl twirling. The visions make no sense. I see big plants, lots of trees, a red truck, cactus and the bright sun above me, flowers and sparkling light all around. My thoughts swirl around from picture to picture like a moving slideshow wrapped in a fog. I feel like I'm dreaming, trapped in my head.

_Am I in a coma? A dream maybe? Or dead?_

My eyes snap open at that and panic sets in again. Burning. Hot. Aching pain sears throughout my body, jarring me into myself. It's like someone has lit a match inside me. I feel as though I have been left inside out in the desert on the hottest day. My body scorched completely, devoid of all moisture, turning to ash. Surely I wouldn't feel pain if I were dead, right? God, I'm so thirsty. I feel like I've been eating dirt and molten rock.

Water is not what I want, I don't think. How can I be so incredibly dehydrated and not want water?

Blinking a few times I notice my eyes feel dirty, like there is sand inside my lids, but it doesn't hurt. I try to look around but there is no light around me. I can see nothing at first.

Again, I think back. I look down at my hands becoming visible in the dark as my vision adjust. The last thing I can remember is seeing a beautiful, angular face so close to mine. A fierce red-eyed man with his hand on my face, his foot between both of mine with his knee pushing into my thigh, his groin pushing into my stomach and his arm wrapped around my back. I focus on his smile, so hungry and determined, yet familiar. At that moment I know I was scared, but now, I do not feel fear at the memory of the man. I remember a voice whispering, "You will never want to be with him again when I'm through with you. He left you to die._"_

_Who left me to die?_

He bit me, I remember that. I felt light-headed when he started to drain me. I concentrated on that feeling, my blood leaving. I remember this feeling, deep inside me, of my body trying to push out something, like my body was rejecting him.

I try to concentrate on the events; the bite, the man holding me, his name... _James_. It rings in my head like a bell and I feel my body tense up at the memory of him. Not in fear though, no I'm not afraid of him. My body is humming at the thought of him. My last thought before the pain began was _"I love you, Edward."_ Not James, Edward. _Who is Edward?_

While the man, James, was killing me there was peace inside my mind. I was at peace with it, and then the quiet calm was erased with a burning pain. I thought death would be peaceful. I was resigned to be dead. I was dying for someone. For this Edward. As I ponder this thought, my mind shifts around the faces in my head. _Who was Edward? He was the one who left me?_

_Where is James? Had he abandoned me as well?_

I have a vision. It takes my breathe away. An incredibly gorgeous face, golden eyes rimmed with black, not red like the other, but gold. And death did not come. Pain came and enveloped me.

_I'm not dead. God, I'm thirsty, but I'm not dead._

My eyes have adjusted more to the dark and I can make out that I'm inside a room. A very dirty, sparse, wood-laden room. I can smell the moisture within the wood as I breathe in and out through my nose rapidly, too rapidly. The smell reminds me of Florida. _Why do I know what Florida smells like?_ I can see small light particles sliding through a crack in the bottom of the door. I'm on the floor of the room, a rough, dirty blanket spread beneath me.

Turning my head I can hear soft sounds, like white noise from a television or a vacuum cleaner, but I can't make out any words or voices. I'm not cold or hot, almost like a state of suspension.

Trying to move is difficult. At first I just think and tell my brain to move, but nothing happens. I concentrate hard on sitting up. And now I'm standing. I don't remember standing, but I here I am upright. I shift my feet slightly feeling the rough, ragged wood beneath my feet, feeling the grain along my heels and toes. The burn in my throat is nagging at me again. I should find water.

I put my hands together in front of me and I recognize my hands in the still darkness. I feel soft stone against my fingers, but I am rubbing my palms together. The sound of my hands moving together pushes into my ears, almost like a buzzing. There's no friction of heat from the motion of rubbing my hands together.

Looking around the room slowly, I feel my hair shake down my back as I move my head back and forth. _I'm so thirsty._ I try to swallow, but it feels like there's sand caught in my throat. I need something to drink so badly, I hear myself whimper at the thought. I take a step forward and then I'm at the door even though I had been across the room from the entry. I look down and realized I'm not wearing my jacket or my shirt.

I am standing in a dark room alone wearing only jeans and a bra. I look down and see my toes wiggling at me. Where are my shoes? I'm not cold, which strikes me as so odd, since I'm always cold. _What the hell had happened?_

"Hello?" _Whose voice is that?_ It's melodic, like someone I know. _Who is that? Why can't I think?_  
>My mind is a blur of visions. I see the boy, Edward in my mind, kissing me. My body reacts to this thought, tensing and relaxing. More images float through my mind again. I see my mom and dad, I recognize them, I think. I feel drawn to their images, but then nothing. I can't concentrate and the images are gone before I can be certain. I feel like my heart should be beating out of my chest but I feel calm. No racing pulse, but I am afraid.<p>

I feel so alone, like there is no one who will ever understand. This eerie feeling of abandonment creeps into my subconscious. _He left you to die. _James' words play again and again in a loop in my mind. _Who left me to die? I'm so thirsty._

"J- James? Edward?" I try the names that are reverberating in my head. _Oh god, that's me, that's my voice! _I bring one hand over my mouth, as if I can push the voice I don't recognize back inside. My fingers are smooth against my lips, I quickly dart my tongue out and taste dirt, soil upon the tips of my fingers.

I listen for a moment, but I hear no one outside. Reaching for the door handle with my other hand, I feel a crack.

_Damn it!_

I look to the doorknob now resting in my fist. The door starts to sway and then open. The bright light that floods in burns my eyes and I fall backward. Feeling my body hit the ground with a loud thud, I'm surprised it doesn't hurt. I scoot back into the light-filtered darkness and sit with my knees against my chest, blinking until my eyes stop burning. I glance down at my palms expecting a red tint from my fall, but they are perfect and pale, _so pale_, but no marks.

Standing again, I walk as slowly as I can out the door into a dingy, but bright hallway. Feeling like I have to will myself to walk, I fight the urge to run. I know I can't run, I have no idea where to go or where I am at this moment. My mind swirls at that fact. I know nothing of where I am, how I got here, or why. _I have nothing and no one._

The hallway is brightly lit but non-descript. Nothing in the hallway can tell me where I am and I don't see a window nearby. I hear only white noise. I walk a few feet to the end of the hall and see a living room. Two couches, no rugs, one coffee table made of glass and wood. I can smell the leather of the couches, it smells moldy. Taking in another breath, I smell sweetness of pine.

_How did I recognize pine?_

Dust motes all around me are swirling in the air as I move. I become enthralled with the tiny flecks of light in the air and as I move, I realize I'm the catalyst for their dance. So pretty.

Watching my arm raise in front of me, I am entranced by my movement and that's when I notice an old wound. My left wrist has a small, silvery, crescent-shaped scar near my silver and turquoise bracelet. I stare at the bracelet, it's mine, I know this. It was a gift. _Who gave it to me?_

I look further up my arm and see another wound at the crook of my elbow. The scars look new, but old at the same time. There is no raised, red flesh around them, nothing to show that they were recent, but I have never seen them before. I brush my hand over my wrist and it feels almost like a feather dancing across my skin, the little bumps, six in an arc, brush against the pads of my fingertips.

Confusion astounds me. Staring at my hand, I know it's my hand, it's attached to me. It has my bracelet. But it's not me. I'm not me. _I'm thirsty._

Behind me there is a small, run down kitchen. I find myself at the sink, staring at the metal handles of the faucet. Tentatively I turn the right one, slowly, water trickles out. It looks clear, but smells stale. My throat is hurting so much, I can't help but lean over the basin and stick my mouth under the stream of water.

The water is warm and tastes bitter and metallic. I swallow once then immediately my body rejects the invasion and I begin vomiting over and over into the sink basin watching clear fluid slip down the drain. After several moments I wipe my mouth with the back of my hand and look around for something else to drink; a bottle of water, a can of stale soda, something. This burning ache in my throat will soon drive me insane. If I'm not already. Resigned there is nothing in this kitchen, I walk out again. My eyes darting from the musty, stained furniture to the dirty floors covered in dust and grime.

Suddenly, a window in the living room comes into view and then I'm standing at it, but not looking out. Peering cautiously at my reflection, I move forward, looking at my outline. I swallow again and feel the same gravel-y feeling from before, this thirst that pecks at me. I lean into the window toward my reflection. My hair, shining darkly. My face, smooth and pale. My lips, full and pink. I reach up and touch my cheek, but I don't feel a warm blush. I can see on my right shoulder at the collarbone another crescent-shaped mark. My hand slides down my face to the scar; just like the others; not new, but not old.

My eyes drift back to my face and I look closer, my forehead nearly to the glass. Flaming red eyes stare into mine; I jump back and drop to the floor again. _He's back._

I wait for the blond man who bit me to come in the door to the left of the window, but no one enters. My body is still, I will myself not to move, listening for any sound, any sign that he's coming. I focus on my body and not a muscle twitches, nothing moves within me. I am completely still.

The night moves on and I hear no one's voice, no footsteps, only a shushing, white noise in the background. I'm afraid. But yet, I want someone to find me. _I _want_ someone._

My throat is still aching with thirst and my open-mouth breaths are hard, so hard I feel like I should be having an asthma attack, but I'm not. My heart is not racing. _It should be, shouldn't it?_

Far away at that moment, an owl hoots and it sounds as though the owl is coming to me, the shriek echoing right into my brain. _Pain_.

Bringing my hands over my ears, I can't take the pounding of the sound. My ears ache with the noise of the wings beating in a slow rhythm, but then the silence comes save for the white noise. Leaning back up on my knees, I reach for the window.

I look back into the window and the fierce, familiar eyes are once again upon me. I blink and they blink. I can see my outline. My face, my hair. I swallow again and feel the same gravel-y feeling from before, this thirst and burning in my throat.

Then it hits me like ice water down my spine.

_My eyes._

_Those are my eyes!_

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><p><strong>EN: I know while you read, you'll wonder why I say I am writing canon. I am, really. I have decided to ignore Breaking Dawn and focus on the first three books and what they taught us about the Twilight newborn experience. Stick with me. This is going somewhere.**

**Disclaimer: I own reservations for a trip to the LA Festival of Books and time to hang out with my book nerd friends; I do not own anything recognizable!**

**Thank you for the reviews. I love hearing your thoughts. I appreciate all of you guys.**


	4. Tracking

**Tracking**

When the sun begins to rise, I'm nearing the Pacific Northwest and I catch the trail of Victoria. She's heading north as well. After hearing from Alice that they were heading north, I had thought the female was going to try to go after Charlie, but it seems she's changed her mind. Eventually she will go to James, so I stalk her into Canada.

I hoped that Alice would not be tracking me or James and Victoria. I did not want them showing up, but I knew there was no way she'd let me fly blind and that's why I threw my phone to its death. I just wanted to break away and be on my own.

No baggage, no team, no casualties.

_Nothing_, but myself.

I knew it would be hard to find the Nomads, but I didn't care how long it took before I killed Victoria and James. It will happen even if I spent a life time or two achieving his demise and relished in having him know I killed his other half as well as him. It would happen at my hand. I had no care of my own empty shell. I am of no consequence without my soul, my Bella. Where once I had a beautiful heart with brown eyes and a quick wit, there was now a pit of hellish black rage.

Every time I thought of their deaths, I would picture my Bella. Her beautiful eyes shining into mine with such love and acceptance, how her hands felt against my skin, warming my icy exterior, how she always saw the best in me, even when I didn't see anything good within myself.

She loved me no matter how damaged I was, how dark my past, or how evil and corrupt I thought my soul had become.

And she was taken from me by him. He laughed at the thought of her demise and he created a new world for me where I did not have my soul. Without her, I was no more than a feral animal awaiting the kill, my base instincts that I had tried for decades to destroy were coming to the surface.

The only purpose I served now was for the eradication of James and Victoria. My thoughts were determined and clear. They would be destroyed. I didn't care if I died in the process. If I did not die while they did, then I'd think about contingency plans. I won't live in a world without Bella. I am merely postponing the inevitable until I can avenge her. She may have wanted me to let it go, but I cannot let her go, I won't let her go.

I start to feel weak somewhere in Canada. By the look of the trees, I am somewhere in Southern Canada near the United States border.

I launch myself up into a tree climbing as far as I can go without breaking the tree. Several birds shoot out of the branches, startled and screeching. I hear rather than see a large herd of elk. I feel pangs of thirst creeping up my throat, chaffing my lungs and esophagus. Leaping up off the branch, I use the trees between me and an elk herd to guide myself toward them. Dinner for myself is an older male who recently shed his points.

The entire time I feed guilt pulses within me for eating, for sustaining myself. I feel guilty for nourishing myself and doing something that feels good. If my Bella could no longer be nourished, why should I?

With each suck drawing the life away from this animal, my thoughts drift to my sweet Bella. I imagine her beautiful smile and how she loved to make me laugh. I picture her kind eyes, never filled with judgment even when I told her about how I had killed humans in my past.

"I'm so sorry," I whisper into the quiet, dense flora as I push the drained carcass away from me.  
>My thoughts are suddenly on Alice, knowing that she's watching my decisions. I know she is hurting from seeing Bella's death much like me. She was running to catch up to me when she saw the vision, James' decision to murder my Bella.<p>

Alice's heart is broken. She still has her heart though. He's holding her in his arms and slowly her heart will heal and she will move on. Her heart will heal. Mine will not.

"Let me go, Alice." I whisper knowing she'll see.

Trying my hand at tracking again, I think that Victoria has chosen to go North. She's running fast and I might get lucky if they stop to meet up.

Continuing my pursuit, I try to keep my mind on the trail of the Nomads, but my mind drifts and it's infuriating. I keep thinking about my life before Bella. How empty I was and how worthless I felt. Those feelings are all returning.

The period I was away from the Cullens was a dark, angry, vicious time and I could feel myself reverting back to that mindframe, that feeling inside me. I was ashamed of what I had been before, but the shame was lessening as I hunted the Nomads.

No longer was I interested in protecting myself or my family and I had no desires to return to Forks.

As this thought passes through my subconscious I catch a familiar scent. A warm, thrumming sound stops me in my tracks. Recently having fed, I should not be thirsty, but I can feel a rumbling in my chest as I track this sweet aroma and small noise in the distance.

I push toward it and sense another beating joining. I can now hear the two heartbeats nearly in sync, possibly bears or large cats I muse. The sweet, familiar smells burn my nose and cause venom to drip down my throat. I begin to hear their thoughts. They are not bears, but people. Young people.

I keep moving forward. There is a man, he's arguing with a tent. There is also a woman, she's reading in a chair near a small fire. She's reading Jane Eyre and very disappointed with Mr. Rochester.

Stalking closer, unheard, I begin to ponder how quick and easy it would be and how delicious it might taste to take the man and woman out. Neither would know what happened, they'd be drained and gone and no one would know. They are far away from others, they must've hiked into the area quite a ways. I hear no other thoughts, so I know they are alone.

There was a small part of me nagging that I should walk away, but this new part, the deeper, darker predator part of me wants to watch them, stalk them. I sit down near the base of a large tree and focus in on their thoughts and conversation. My mind flickers between their inane conversation about cooking food on a stick and thoughts of wanting something from them. Something I had stopped craving decades ago. This thought confounds and scares me. I know I should care, but I really don't care anymore.

"Babe, tent's up!" The man yells happily, very proud of his accomplishment.

Jumping up, she swirls the air around her and it soon reaches me as she's hugging her beau. A growl I was not expecting draws from me, almost startling me.

"What was that?" The girl asks with fear now mingling in her sweet scent, adrenaline pushing out of her pores. My mouth begins to pool with venom even more. I picture in my mind grasping her and pulling her neck to my mouth, sucking the slick, salty fluid from her veins.

"I didn't hear anything... you gettin' scared, eh?" He mocks her. I hear her slap his arm and move toward the treeline. He would be easy to render useless so I could take her.

"I thought I heard a rumbling. Are there wild cats out here?"

"Could be. We're pretty far out. It's too late in the season for bears. Just stay close. If it's a cat, they'll get spooked if we keep talking and if we make the fire bigger. Grab those logs over there and we'll build the fire up. Anything out there is more afraid of us than we are of them." He sounds so confident, so naive to the danger he's put his mate in. He cannot protect his love.

I can tell the girl is scared, but she trusts her guide and follows directions. As she heads to the blocks of wood at the edge of their clearing, she moves to just feet from where I am. I can smell the heat of her skin, the sweet crimson fluid moving just below the surface. Her pulse is steady, a bit fast from trepidation, her heart thudding inside her chest. The beautiful sound that usually had me content while sitting with Bella, now had me salivating.

As she stops to pick up the cut wood, her head dips down and I can see her perfectly. She has a long, slender neck, slight shoulders, a rather petite frame, but a good amount of curve. I swallow another mouthful of venom down my burning throat.

Long, brown waves of hair slide over her pale shoulders and cover her face as she stretches for the firewood. The tendrils shine a bit in the light from the rays filtering through the canopy of trees. I feel my body reacting to her proximity, my muscles coiled and taught, ready for the pursuit. It would be an easy catch. No fight would ensue, it would be nothing to take her down and feed from her. She drops one of her pieces so she kneels down, brushing her long hair out of her eyes as she huffs in frustration of her uncoordination.

Her eyes. Warm, bright brown eyes.

My non-existent heart seizes up and I crouch lower just staring at her. She is a few years older than my Bella, but the likeness is enough to snap me from my prey-driven fog. The dark hair and matching eyes, the pale, soft skin and sweet smell causes me to breath in deeply. I watch, frozen with my own fear and self-hatred gazing at her delicate fingers gripping her firewood and mumbling to herself. I sit completely agape, every muscle and tendon taught and coiled, as she finally grasps her bundle and hurries back to her camp and her love.

With not a moment of hesitation I take off in a fast sprint. I head back the way I came, pushing myself harder and harder until I am miles from the campsite, miles from the couple in love, miles from the beautiful, brown-haired girl with eyes similar to my soul's.

I finally come to a stop when it is dark and I throw myself into another large tree, grasping to a limb as though it will hold me and keep me at bay. I let out a strangled yell and slam my hand against a thick branch in front of me, snapping it off completely at the tree and watching as if falls far below to the ground.

"What the fuck is wrong with me?" I growl out to no one but the tree and my angry conscience. _How could I have even contemplated killing. Taking their lives, her life. I would be nothing better than the Nomads. But I wanted her. I wanted to feed from her._

I reign in my self-loathing lecture and try to regain some of my focus. As the monster that I am, I cannot allow myself to get close to humans again. My focus must remain on James and Victoria. Then I will go to Italy and ask for death for killing the Nomads out of revenge. If they won't kill me for my grievous offense, then I'll force their hand.

I will be dead and, although undeserved, I will have some peace..

After I have my revenge.

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><p><strong>EN: Thank you again for sticking with me. The inner turmoil is tough, but it's such a big part of this story. Thank you to all of you who have been recommending and reviewing! The response has been overwhelming and I am so appreciative! I am putting teasers on my site www (dot) theraingirl4 (dot) blogspot (dot) com and you can find the music teasers there as well.**

**Disclaimer: Of course I own nothing if you recognize it. I do however have pics of Robsten kisses that make my heart go pitter pat and a beautiful new niece from SuperstarNanna who gave birth yesterday. Slashybaby is gorgeous and I plan on spoiling her rotten.**

_**Will update nearer to the weekend. Thank you again for reading!**_


	5. Forgotten

_**A/N- Welcome new readers! Here's the link to the soundtrack- **__**tinyurl(dot)com/tornfic**__** (as before, the last three songs are teasers for the next episode).**_

_**Disclaimer: I own two torn tickets from Water for Elephants, but I don't own anything that SMeyer does. **_

_**More at the bottom.**_

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><p><strong>Forgotten<strong>

_No. No. No. This can't be happening._

_Why am I not dead? How can I still be alive?_ I remember him biting me. He started to drain me, but then he stopped. Something stopped him. But then he bit me again, then again. I could feel my blood seeping out and the weird pushing sensation as his venom crept into me, but my body revolted against the onslaught.

_How am I still alive? What the hell happened? _I'm paralyzed with confusion as the channels in my brain flick from panic to fuzzy details of pain to thirst to more confusion. I just can't concentrate on any one thought long enough for it to make sense. He bit me. Several times. He tried to drain me, but couldn't. Angry, frustrated, and raging, his body was coiled tight and his eyes burned into mine. I can remember the fear in my body, but then he became calm and serene. I could see the muscles in his jaw relax and his eyes soften. Thinking about it now, he seemed almost content. An eerie calm. As I think about how his body calmed, mine follows suit and I can feel my muscles slowly uncurling.

He took me away and was trying to help my pain, I remember that. Through the foggy memories I envision him crooning to me that I would be okay. His voice soothed me slightly as he assured me that I would be better soon, and not to worry because he'd take care of me. Something inside me believed him, he would help me, he will keep me safe. _Where is he now though?_

As I look deep into the red eyes staring back at me, I look past my reflection and realize that there is a storm brewing around the house I'm in. Rain and wind move the leaves, every piece making an individual noise, almost humming.

I can see hundreds of trees around the perimeter of the house. The wind is the white noise I've been hearing. It's billowing and then slowing, like a tide. It seems like I can hear every leaf and branch as they tremble. I can see every grain of bark on each of the trees before me and I can count each of the green and brown leaves on each branch. The wind is picking up slowly. I take in a deep breath and smell wet. _Rain_.

I then realize I'm standing again at the window. Looking out into the yard, I see a porch is attached to the house so I step out of the door without even thinking of opening it. As I think about leaving, my body whips the door open so quickly. My mind is racing to keep up with my body. This time, the door knob stays intact. Finding myself out on the porch, I continue forward, inhaling gulps of rain soaked air as it starts to sprinkle. I'm under an awning so I am not getting wet, but I can feel the moisture in the air. I feel the wet swarming around my skin, the rotting wood smell enveloping me. I focus on a banister on the porch. I follow the grains of wood with my eyes and then I'm interrupted by droplets of water hitting the wood and puddling together.

Thirteen drops of water fall in a matter of a minute as I stand there engrossed by the sounds, smells, and the sight of water dripping onto wood. I realize I am gripping the banister still staring at the wood and a chunk breaks off into my hand. _Wow. This is just a nightmare. Maybe I'm still asleep. This is just a bad dream._

I suddenly get hit with water. It feels like nothing I've felt before, like pressure from a finger, but it is just a small dab of water along my arm. Drips of rain are starting to come in through the wooden awning as the rain picks up. It is filtering down my face and arms. It feels like a thousand feathers brushing against my skin- pleasant and intense all at the same time. I walk forward from the awning into the rain, facing it full on as the rhythm of the drops gain in tempo.

My skin is becoming wet and slick, the liquid sliding on my skin, feeling every droplet. I look down and my breasts aren't moving like they used to when I'd walk. I'm not cold even though with the wind and rain I know I should be. I stand in the yard with water dripping down my skin, soaking my bra and jeans. Looking down to my feet, entrenched in mud and grass, it feels like a new skin molding around my feet. I smile and throw my head back and open my mouth like I had as a kid to catch the droplets. The water hits my lips, tongue, and throat and I grimace. _I'm so thirsty, but even this fresh water doesn't help. This is not what I want. What do I want?_

Just then I hear rustling. I whip my head to my right but nothing is in the tree line. I slow my body down, but walk cautiously toward the noise. Something akin to an adrenaline rush is happening, but instead of feeling afraid, another feeling I don't recognize is easing through my veins.

As I approach the tree line, I hear the rustling again and I start to feel this strange sensation within my stomach. It's almost arousing, but then the feeling dissipates as the largest moose I've ever seen saunters through the brush of the trees to my left and continues past the trees just in front of me. I take in a deep breath, smelling the softening rain and the bull's dirty, musky smell. Then the enormous bull realizes he is not alone. His ears shoot toward me as his entire body stiffens. Something runs through my entire body as I see the strong muscles along his neck tighten with fear. It's almost as if I can smell his fear; this sweet, full scent filters into my body and combines with this feeling in my stomach and my mouth starts to fill with fluid, pooling in my mouth, with an almost metallic taste. His body readies for flight or fight. So does mine.

I'm on him in seconds. He barely takes a few steps before I'm upon him and I drain him. I don't even know how I've done it. I shove his carcass off me, but I don't stand. My body feels lax, but my mind is thriving and revelling. I feel almost high or intoxicated, almost like the feeling after several drinks but not enough to make your mind stop working.

"Well, well, Isabella." I jump at the sound of a voice and crouch down ready to attack, cocking my head to the side to take in the form emerging from the tree line. "If James could see his little pet now, dining like a pig on her knees."

I lunge without thinking and nearly tackle the familiar man with the accent looming too near my kill. I'm able to get a hold of him even though he's much bigger than me and I pin him to the ground and ready to bite.

"Ah, Ah, little one." He says calmly as he throws me down above his head and I land on my back with a crack. My feet have knocked a tree into the others. He stands astride me, his feet on either side of my arms. "Calm yourself, little girl. I don't want to kill you."

"Who are you? I know you. Why are you here?" I say with a much stronger voice than I expect. I knock his feet out from under him and push myself up at the same time, leaning down over him with my hand at his throat.

He gives me a little smile and I realize I'm not in danger, strangely I trust him, so I let go. "Well, my little one, I am... your Uncle Laurent. We met once before. I've come to train and retrieve you. I see you've already had a snack." He ways his hand dismissively toward the moose carcass. "How pathetic, your first dining was a piddly, little beast rather than a proper meal."

"I, I, I don't…" I can't find the right words. Part of me wants to say "I don't eat meat," but that would be stupid. "I'm not hungry." I manage to lie. I realize I am not hungry, but very, very thirsty. I find myself standing face to face with the beautiful, terrifying man looking at him straight in the eyes. His eyes glowing red, but not as red as mine were in the window. My body calms at seeing someone who looks like me.

"No, little girl, you are not hungry." He rolls his eyes and I feel like I should be flushing with embarrassment. "You are thirsty. Don't be insolent. We will teach you how to hunt correctly. Do not belittle yourself by drinking from the toilet like a dog. There's a campground about 15 miles east. We'll feed there." He waves his hand in the direction that is due east.

I shake my head furiously. I'm arguing both Laurent and my own instincts. I want what he's offering. I desire his offer with every fiber of my new being. My mouth fills with a metallic, sweet taste. "I'm a- a vampire?" The words stick in my drought infested throat as all the pieces click into place.

He smiles widely, "Come, pet. We will go and see what we see, yes? You have to fulfill your desires and we shall have some fun as we go. We need to meet your liaison." His words confuse me. He claps his hands twice; I'm distracted by the droplets that free themselves from his damp gloves. I watch them as they drift and soak into the ground, my body moves without me realizing.

I run beside Laurent for miles, silently warring with myself. I know I shouldn't trust him, but he's familiar, he's not hurt me, he says he wants to help me. There is something deep down, a familiar voice, warm and safe, telling me not to follow. But I can't help my body, instinct takes over. The tickle of thirst is creeping back up my throat and I am driven by this feeling inside me that Laurent will take me to my home.

When we get close, I can smell them and my mouth waters as though I haven't eaten in years. I hear pounding through the trees along the damp ground, farther behind and to the west. It's moving quickly, one, no two. I look to Laurent as we run and he waves his hand to slow. My body wants to propel me toward my food, the aching in my throat nearly unbearable. He grabs my wrist to pull me to a stop and I growl and throw him hard against a large tree that snaps against the velocity.

"Good girl," a voice from behind me startles me. I toward it, but no one's there. I crouch ready to attack when I hear, "No need to get fussy, beautiful. We won't hurt you." The male voice is so familiar; my senses perk at the thought of another familiar face. As he comes into view, his face is so beautiful, so angular, and so very familiar. The dark, flaming eyes that smile from the sea of green remind me of something, an emotion stirs in my belly.

Part of me wants to run from him and part of me wants to run toward him. Following him is a radiant, flame-haired girl, she too familiar. Her mouth is screwed up into a snarling smirk. She does not look friendly. I look to Laurent who has righted himself and is adjusting his jacket.

"Now, now, petulant child, is that anyway to treat your uncle Laurent? And to behave so badly in front of your liaison. Shame."

"Liaison?" I ask looking between the men, avoiding the glare of the woman.

_James_. I remember his name, steps in front of me, his eyes moving from my feet slowly over my form eventually landing on my face. He places his hands on either side of my head, bringing my gaze solely to his. "We are your coven, Isabella." He begins to circle me slowly. "You are mine, little one. I am your maker. I created you. I will care for you. Don't you feel it?"

I quirk my head to the side not understanding his words. I feel nervous, thirsty, anxious, ready for something. He coos again as though he's speaking to a spooked horse. Coming to a stop in front of me, his hands raised up toward me, "Do you feel that pulse? That throb? The feeling inside you that tells you who you belong to?"

"I feel thirsty." He laughs.

"Of course you do, my sweet new flower. And you shall feast. Just beyond these trees are some nasty little poachers, they've been hunting and killing all the live long day. Now, it's our turn."

I start in the direction he pointed in. "Ah. Ah, my sweet." He steps in front of me and a low growl emanates from inside me. "I know, my pet. You are thirsty, aren't you, love?" I nod as he steps closer keeping eye contact. "Your belly is empty and hurting, yeah?" I nod again more fervently feeling exactly as he describes and his face warms me, so concerned. "You feel that burn in the back of your throat, that grinding feeling of your insides, begging you to take what's yours? You want it. I can give it to you, my girl." He will help me. He will comfort me. Growling, I'm growling.

"Shhh, little one." His hand brushes along my hair then down to hold me by my neck. It's soothing to my burning body. "Just wait a second while we get ourselves ready. We all deserve to feast, but we know you are the thirstiest, so please, take as much as you want. No survivors."

I think I hear a grumble from behind me where the other two stand, but I cannot take my eyes from James'.

He looks toward Laurent and the red-head, then nods with a devious grin then they all split apart. I feel myself shaking with desire and need. I'm still not sure what I need, but James wants to give it to me and I want to take it. A warm, sweet scent hits my nose and my mouth fills. I let out a whimper then grip my hand against a low hanging tree branch and snap it off completely. I want to snap everyone around me like the branch, starting with the red-head who keeps giving me evil looks. _I could snap her in half._

"Off we go." James jumps into action and I quickly take him in easy strides. I can hear him compliment the way my body moves. I smile then focus back on my task. _Hunt._

I pinpoint exactly which one I want.

I'm on him in a half-second, feeling in my very bones my need for him.

He smiles at first. "What do we have here?" He says delightfully surprised.

Then he says nothing.

His screams echo through the trees mingling with the bellows and begging from the other men.

For a mere second I am saddened by the man's gasping sob, but then I am relieved when I tear him open and begin to drink.

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><p><em><strong>EN: *ducks under desk* Remember what I said in the beginning... true to original canon newborn experience. Believe me when I say that things aren't gonna be easy. But stick with me!**_

_**Thank you to those of you who nominated my other story Inamorata for the Sunflower Awards. Especially, the Favorite Edward. Peeper is a dear favourite so I am so proud!**_

_**Dark Recs- If you are looking for something dark and gritty to sink your fangs into, check out RagdollofTwilight's Kingdom of Rust, 22blue's Red, JadaLulu's Fold Your Wings, and anything by VampireIsTheNewBlack.**_

_**FYI- I have a donation piece in both the Fandom4Tsunami (with Sunshinegal3) and in Fandom4SexualAssaultAwareness fundraisers. Please check their sites out and donate so you can help great causes and get great compilations! **_

_**Happy Easter/ Zombie Day! See you soon!**_


	6. Found

**A/N- Disclaimer: I own nothing, y'all know this. More at the bottom.**

**Soundtrack link: http : / tinyurl(dot)com/ tornfic The last three songs are the teaser for the next episode  
><strong>

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><p><strong>Found<strong>

Finally, I land on both James' and Victoria's trails and miraculously I find that I'm gaining on them. I seem to be getting distracted easily though, unable to concentrate for long on their scents. It feels like the harder I push myself, the more disconnected I become. After stopping to feed on a sickly doe in her twilight, I find several broken trees, almost resembling the aftermath of a fight between the two nomads. This confuses me, but also allows me to gain a little ground.  
>They are rushing toward something, but I cannot figure out what it is, but they are getting sloppy. They seem to be eager to meet something with the rate they're traveling; they've not stopped to feed since I picked up Victoria's trail days earlier.<p>

Assuming they've learned about my gift and are blocking me, I rarely catch their thoughts. When I do, I hear James, who has an almost possessive quality about him that I had originally seen in him about only Victoria. While their bond while is still strong, it is not as it once was. His affections are split now. I cannot pinpoint what it is though. I just know they are heading toward something, and I am heading toward them.

On the second night, I finally reach them_. _James is thinking about Laurent, but when I try to pinpoint the French bastard I get nothing. He's off my grid and I am frustrated, more focused on the couple. Victoria is happy to be with James now, but when I get flickers from her mind, I can tell she's pensive about something as well. He gave her news she's not happy about and I hope to use her preoccupied mind against her. Just off to my south-southwest, I make my move hauling toward the nomad couple.

I will not be late this time.

Within a mile of Victoria and James, I know they must hear me. They both react in defense, but Victoria is ready to fight, James ready to flee. James grabs Victoria and begins to run, saying that they cannot fight us all thinking that I've brought my family and that they have to get to the others. What others? I see in his mind Laurent and a female, it's a mere millisecond then they're gone, beyond my grasp. They are both extremely quick and the images I get cause me to falter and lose their trail for a bit.

I track them through Victoria's protesting. She is thinking about how they can take me, but when he explains how he knows there are many in our coven, she realizes her losses and runs with him harder. They are so preoccupied they don't realize I'm alone. The redhead is much faster than him, but he is also quite fast. His tracking abilities allow him to maneuver the terrain that I've never been on; he knows every rock and hill and valley and they make significant distance quickly.

My footfalls are loud within the bright forest, the sun came up hours ago and thankfully we're in a remote enough area that I don't have to worry about anyone seeing. I don't even think Victoria and James care if they're seen. They'd probably just feed off of the people then run on. I realize that they are too busy evading me to care about covering up their minds.

I see a flit of brown hair and blood in James' thoughts. He wants the brown. He wants the red.

Then I stop running.

I see an image of my soul, my beautiful Bella, lying prone on a ratty, dirt-caked floor screaming like death is consuming her.

The image is startling and terrifying and confusing. My legs just stop working. I crash to the ground near some fallen trees, the greenery shrouding me.

"Bella."

She was so real, so scared, and in so much pain. I felt her pain.

I brush myself off of the dirt and leaves. My heart that never beats is broken yet again by the thoughts of my Bella in agony, but it's so confusing since the ballet studio had clean wood floors. He must be trying to use my extra sense against me by showing me these false horrors.

My resolve is hardened against killing James. He must perish.

Over hills, through forests, over a large lake area, I stay close, waiting for them to falter. I push hard until I come across a new trail. Victoria and James have gone off to the north, following the trail of two other vampires. One trail is Laurent, of that I am certain, but the other, I'm not sure. I just can't pinpoint why I know it, it is familiar only not someone I can recall. Has Laurent taken a mate? I don't know what to make of it and I try to catch of glimpse of any of their minds, but I can't filter in anything.

Then I hear men. Laurent's thoughts move in and out of range even though I know he's not too far away and I hear him thinking about stalking poachers with a newborn. He's giddy to see what will happen. I try to figure out where the camp is, but the images are coming and going almost like in a fog, like a cell phone that keeps losing signal. This can't be good. Did he learn how to close off his thoughts from me?

I again try to focus on James and Victoria; I don't want humans being slaughtered. I can pick up their thoughts as they close in, mostly Victoria is focused in on the hunt. James is coordinating a rendezvous.

In Laurent's mind, I catch a glimpse of him running behind a girl, the newborn is female. All I catch is brownish red flecks of hair, well ahead of him and then him salivating over the smell of at least a dozen men. As I finally near the camp area the screams begin.

My first instinct is to immediately find one of the nomads and kill, but I stop dead. I am flooded with a vision from James' mind. He is standing still, just staring.

An amazingly beautiful newborn, dark auburn and chocolate hair shining in the sunlight, her porcelain skin sparkling and shimmering, not only am I struck still by the gorgeous sight, but I'm shaken to my core to see her ripping open a large man by the throat. As she drains him she turns lifting him off of her legs and I see her sated face as James' sees it. My Bella.

"No, no, no! God, no!" I scream as I lunge forward into the clearing. The smell of blood is everywhere; at least five men are already drained. My own thirst is biting and nagging at my throat.

Laurent is clearing a body as we meet and he smiles like I'm an old friend. "Care to join our little coven for lunch, dear boy?" he says with a cat-like purr.

I know the others now know I'm here. The other three are further away having chased down fleeing victims, slaughtering them as they ran for their lives. Slamming Laurent against a tree, I am surprised at how easily I gain the upper hand. He is strong, but having just eaten, he's sloppy and slow. I try to rip him apart, but then I hear Bella cry out.

"Mine!"

I'm too late for the men; most of the dozen are dead. I'm torn between trying to help the last few who will die and my vision of Bella, bloodied and snarling.

My mind returns to the vision of Bella as I see and hear James speaking to her. "Sweet girl, let's go." He brushes his hand over her cascading dark hair and she smiles at him. I hear him coo, "My little pet" then my vision goes black.

I panic and run forward toward where they should be.

There was so much trust in her gaze, like you would have looking upon a sage parent. "I'll take care of you." I hear James say, "Are you still thirsty, my lovely one?" She whimpers pitifully as I crouch behind a large tree where I can see them.

"You cannot be serious, James." Victoria snarls. "You took the little bitch and made her your pet? What the fuck are we going to do with this?" Victoria waves at Bella dismissively who growls back without words. I step cautiously toward the far end of the clearing near where they are, trying not to alert them to my ever encroaching presence.

Bella wanders aimlessly near a drained, flannel-clad body, looking as though she's contemplating trying to drink more. Her body shows me she's completely enthralled in her task of finding more to drink. My thoughts go back briefly to my own newborn time. The memories of the all-consuming thirst burning me from the inside, the barrage of thoughts, smells, feelings are fuzzy now, but still, I remember. The feeling like my body was on overdrive, humming with new strength and the sheer terror of all the confusion. Not knowing anything as it was, not remember who I was or where I belonged. If it hadn't been for Carlisle reminding me of whom I was and helping me through that transition... would I have ended up like this?

I look back toward Bella as she looks down at her sparkling fingers, wiggling them slightly in the rays peeking through the trees.

"She's mine, Victoria. I made her! I made her for us!" James calls out like a petulant child. I hone in on their thoughts. Of course I can't hear Bella, but James is thinking disgusting thoughts about having both Victoria and my Bella. I can't help the snarl that comes through my body at that point; it rips through the clearing echoing a cry from a man dying about quarter mile away.

Bella's head snaps toward my direction, but she can't see me from where I'm standing. I can barely see her and I cannot see James at all because of the tree line. James and Victoria bicker back and forth for moments as Bella creeps closer to where I stand. I silently will her to me, but right before she gets to the trees where I'm hidden, James calls her back to him. Sadly, she obeys, like a trained puppy. He is training her.

I focus back on Victoria. She's gone, running away. She is angry and hurt that her mate has taken a second even though she is also attracted to Bella. Struggling to wrap my mind around what I'm seeing and hearing, it processes slowly. James has taken Bella. He's made her and he wants to keep her as well as his mate. Being a master over two mates is unheard of and revolting, not just because he wants to do this with my Bella. Polygamy just doesn't work in our world.

James' thoughts push into my head. He's hedonistically hopeful Victoria will change her mind as soon as she sees how wonderful of a hunting addition Bella will become. He sickeningly refers to her as _his _Isabella in his mind.

He ravages her with his eyes while she is still enthralled with her new skin. Starting at her stunningly dark, nearly garnet colored eyes, he lingers along her neck where a bite mark, his mark, sparkles in the sunlight filtering through the trees. He brushes his gaze along her collarbone and then lands on her pert breasts lying in wait in a blood stained bra.

Moving quickly, he stands in front of her and drags a finger from her jaw bone to her left breast then dips his finger into his mouth, sucking off the collected blood. My stomach nearly revolts and empties, but I'm able to calm myself enough to keep watching. She's covered in spatters of maroon and crimson, her hair messed and wild, moving slightly with a soft breeze. Her beautiful face looks so calm as she looks upon the bastard. I just cannot understand what I'm seeing. My heart was broken before, now it feels like it is slowly being pulverized.

"We must go, my sweet girl. We are not safe here. People want to hurt us and we're finished with our food. We should go seek out more elsewhere." His voice drops into a seductive baritone. "Would you like to hunt with me?"

She nods, her eyes wide with wonder and blood red. He leans down and I think he is going to kiss her, but instead her runs his tongue from her collarbone up to her jaw. "Mmmm… delectable."

My gut reacts without my brain and I snarl, pushing forward. He grabs her hand as I step clearly into view. "Get away from her, James." Bella cowers behind him like a scared child. "Bella, please wait." I step closer, but James puts himself between us, growling like a rabid grizzly.

"Fuck off, Cullen. She is of no interest to you. She is bound to me, I'm her maker. You abandoned her!" I hear Bella whimper again like she's in pain. The screaming is too intense for her, her newborn senses are overwhelmed on top of the usual feeding frenzy that's similar to an adrenaline high. Her body is on overdrive. I take another step, trying to keep my eyes on both James and Bella.

"Bella…" I start cautiously, "I did not abandon you. I didn't think you were alive! You don't have to kill. Come with me. We can fix it. I can fix you," I plead. She still won't look at me, her head dipped, still standing behind James.

James leans toward Bella, but still turned mostly toward me. He puts his hands on her cheeks and brings her eyes to his. "He only wanted you as a human. You were merely a toy, a distraction to pass the time. Understand me, Isabella. He does not want a vampire mate and especially not one who enjoys killing pathetic humans. He doesn't want you as you are, my love. _I do._ You are mine, Isabella." He grasps her hands and tugs her a bit. "Let's go."

Her legs move slightly and I cry out feeling as though I'm being ripped apart from the inside, again.

"Please, Bella. I love you." My mind is screaming to fix this.

She makes eye contact with me, as James whispers to her that I am dangerous and that I want to hurt them. He tells her she needs to do as he says to stay safe. Her beautiful brown eyes gone, in their place the red, striking eyes of a newborn who has just feasted. Instinctively, I reach my hand forward.

Even though her eyes are no longer of the Bella I remember, she is still _my _Bella.

"Stay away from me." Her pristine alto voice floats on the air quietly, just enough for me to hear. She turns and takes off running in a similar direction as Victoria.

James turns to me and smiles. "You heard the lady. She wants nothing to do with you."

As I make to charge on James, I'm struck from behind and thrown yards into a fallen tree. A loud crunch and crash radiates throughout the trees as my body breaks through the wood like toothpicks. I quickly right myself and try to keep my mind on James as I prepare for Laurent who is nearly atop of me. _Don't bother following little boy, she's mine now and she wants nothing to do with you or your shitty, pathetic existence._

I run headlong at Laurent and leap just as he does. Meeting in the air I use all of my strength to strike him with my legs. He's propelled backward, flipping and landing on his feet. "You'll need to do better than that, enfante'," he taunts. I seem to have lost my connection to James as he approaches Bella's speed and begins speaking to her. It's like she's a cloak or something. She may have some kind of talent like us, but I just don't know.

Repeatedly, we flip each other and roll in midair. He's a good match, similar in size, but I have the benefit of knowing what he's doing next and I use it to my advantage over and over much to his exasperation.

Laurent lunges at me again and I shift and parry away from his assaults. He's getting more and more frustrated, but speed and knowledge are my advantage. I wait for a mistake in his attack, when his step falters along the large log that broke my fall previously, I take my chance. I grip his arm tightly as I use my legs to push his body away, ripping his arm from his body. I throw the limb behind me and while he's stunned, I jump into a flip, grabbing his head as I go over him, pulling as hard as I can and twisting it off of his body with a whip-like crack. His body falls to the ground without animation. I breathe a sigh of relief as I light his body on fire, knowing this is one less enemy to deal with. As soon as he is ash, I focus back on my tracking, back to Bella.

Victoria is easier to track, but she also continues to change her movements and thoughts rapidly. She seems to want to stay far ahead of James and Bella, who now appears to be tracking Victoria.

Although I cannot read her thoughts, I focus all my attention on this new scent of Bella's. The scent of the beautiful, vicious newborn who does not know me, of the young vampire who could kill us all if she knew her new strength. It is the scent of the girl I sat and read with for hours on end, of the girl who could trip on air, of the girl who stole my heart without even trying... _my Bella._

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><p><em><strong>EN- Soooo….? What do you think?**_

_**I've been asked some questions so I wanted to answer them here so everyone gets the info. **_

_**Yes, Alice can see them, but remember she sees decisions and the only decision Edward has made is to kill James. No, she's not interfering as she still thinks Bella is dead. Also, in the 1**__**st**__** chapter he asks her to leave him alone and she understands that he has to do this on his own. She's Alice, it's how she rolls.**_

_**Yes, the Cullens will be in the story. No, they are not coming along right now.**_

_**This fic will be a novella, no long term stuff here. Hang with me, it's about to get bumpy!  
><strong>_

_**When I said this was original canon, I meant, go back to what we learned in Twilight. Don't focus on BD. Just don't. I know it's hard with the pics, but don't.**_

_**No, as of this moment, no wolves will be harmed or not harmed in this fic. I know shocking for a Team Jacob girl, huh?**_

_**Teasers are always on my blog- theraingirl4 dot blogspot dot com I usually do music and some kind of pic/word teaser.**_

_**Again, a million thanks to my beta, Mel, she's nominated for a Best Beta Sunflower Award and she betas for some amazing stories! Now if only I could get her to stop throwin' herself off of ladders. I'm gonna get a complex about my writing if she keeps injuring herself.**_

_**Also, to my beta readers, 22blue and Sunshinegal3… without you two, I am not sure what this story would look like. No wait, yes I do – – something like that, only not as good. HUGE HUGS! They are nom'd for Sunflower Awards too for their amazing stories.**_

_**Wow, epic note. Time to wrap it up! I'll try to get the next chapter out sooner. I'm almost out of Black Dagger Brotherhood books, so my brain will be allowed to come back out for writing again soon! Thank you again for reading and reviewing! I'll be sending reviewers a pic teaser this week!**_


	7. Frenzy

**A/N- As always, nothing that you recognize in here is mine. Just playin' with SM's darlings and makin' them do violent, raw, delectable things.**

**Soundtrack link- tinyurl (dot) com / tornfic**

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><p><strong>Frenzy<strong>

_I did not want to attack, but yet, I did. _

_My mind is fuzzy, but I remember much of it._

The smell of them draws me into a craze. My vision is hazy and clouded. All I can feel is this need, this thirst. A craving that takes over inside my body that I cannot control and even when I tear into that first obese man with too much flannel on, looking into his eyes before I rip out his neck, I know it's wrong. But, I don't care.

The sweet, warm, pungent liquid rushing passes my lips and teeth cures me. The ache inside me that I thought was fear and loneliness is gone. Vanished is the tickling prickle of thirst.  
>The first body is drained quickly and I whine as I drop him to the ground. Licking my lips, not wanting to waste a drop, I look quickly for more and see James pinning an unconscious one to the ground. He makes a come-hither motion with his fingers and a warm, happy feeling pulses throughout my body. The feeling grows and makes me smile. James will take care of me. He'll give me what I need.<p>

As I approach, I see the man has not been touched, yet. James smiles broadly and pulls me by my arm down to him, kissing my temple. Still clad only in jeans and my lacy, satin bra, I honestly have no desire to cover up. He leans forward, his eyes roaming my chest then up to my eyes, his nose touching my ear. "This is for my girl. Take him. Enjoy. I want to watch you," His voice rumbles in my ear. The idea of him watching me makes me feel hot throughout my insides.

I should be disgusted by his encouragement to kill, by the actions of those around me, by my own behavior, I know this, but I'm not. The voice in my head from earlier tells me what I'm doing is not allowed, but I can't help what I want. The need is too much.

This feeling from my stomach, the warm, lovely, driving feeling continues to spread. I have this strange urge; need to do whatever James wants me to do. I must make him proud. And I must feed.

The small voice in the back of my mind is begging me to run, but this more dominant side of me keeps me here. And I do feed. On the man James had given me and two others after that. I can't get enough. My mind is focused solely on getting more. Tearing open the flesh of my sustenance, I feel it in my bones, if I do not feed, if I do not take from them, I will certainly die. Nothing can stop me from saving myself, until I feel it. _Him._I feel the eyes of judgment and disgust land upon me as I drop the carcass of the last man I'd fed from. The body dropping like a rock into water, a small thump then nothing.

As I look upon him, this familiar stranger with the angry, sad eyes, James comes to me, to protect me. His body language shows me to be afraid of the man standing in the trees. This man wants to hurt me, to hurt us.

"Bella?" I hear the man say quietly. I thought I was Isabella, but the way he looks at me... he knows me? I'm afraid. He looks like he could kill me. My instinct is to fight or flee.

James says we need to leave. I agree. He says we can go hunting again. I want to hunt.

The beautiful, mad man in the trees steps forward and calls to me again, but James refuses to move away from me and I'm thankful for his protection. While I have a curiosity, an attraction to the stranger, I also fear him. Something tells me he does not like me.

"Get away, Cullen. She has no interest to you. She's bound to me, I'm her maker. You abandoned her!"

He abandoned me. The stranger did not want me. He does not want me. James wants me.

"Bella. I did not abandon you. I didn't think you were alive! You don't have to kill. Come with me! We can fix it. I can fix you," I hear the man with the sad eyes shout over James' growling.

I do not feel like I need to be fixed. The need to flee is pressing against me harder and harder like the weight of a thousand anvils. Something has to break and I don't want it to be me. I can feel James' body shaking and the man in the trees now looks like he's ready to attack. I do not want to be attacked. I want to hunt.

"I love you, Bella," are the last words I hear before I run. He loves me? Why? He doesn't look like he loves me. James will protect me. I can find James' partner, she will help me.

"Stay away from me." I say as I turn and run. Neither chases me. I pick up the scent of the red-head that will hopefully help me find food. I want to go to her. Yes, she can help me.

Running as fast as I can, I focus all of my energy in trailing her by her sweet scent along the air, soon I catch up to her. She's very angry and lashes out at me, but I evade her. I'm strong. Stronger than her, but she's faster than me. I overtake her though, when she tries an elaborate jump between two old trees and I'm able to pin her. She's spitting and hissing like a wet cat and I don't know what to do with her now that I have her. All my instincts say to claim her, she's weaker and I should control her. Suddenly, James and blood are not the only things that make my body hum. I forget my thirst. There is a new craving swirling in the pit of my stomach.

With my shins pinning her thighs, I lean down and push my lips to hers. At first she fights me, pushing with her entire body against me. This does not deter me in the slightest. My body holds her firm to the ground, her flaming curls sprawling everywhere as she thrashes about. She's growling, and so am I, a sound I've never heard come from me before. I want nothing more than to take her and dominate her. She flails beneath me, spurring me on more, but then the rage subsides and she kisses me back. Her tongue slides into my mouth, probing deeply and I reciprocate with delight.

After a few moments of this pull and push between us, I allow her to roll us over, submitting my strength to her. I wanted to hunt, but I feel like I've found another thing I want.

"I see now why James wanted you, pet," she coos in a soft voice as she sits back against a tree running a soft hand from my brow down my cheek to my neck, stopping just above my breasts. I rise to a sitting position between her legs willing to give her whatever she wants. When I look into her eyes, I see that she wants me as well, but something is holding her back. Her eyes flicker away from mine to something above me.

"Now this is what I wanted to see. My girls, getting a long." James saunters toward us, his jeans riding low on a perfect v-shape beneath his hips.

"Has the problem been taken care of?" James nods to her. This makes me happy. I don't want problems. I want to feel good. "Well dear James, now that you have this little one, what do you plan to do with her?" the red-hair beauty says lightly while she toys with the lace covering my chest.

"She's mine just like you are, Victoria. We're tied. All of us. What would you like to do with her? Anything you need?"

"I don't _need _her," she seethes glancing from him to me. Could she tell him to get rid of me? I can't be alone. I need them.

I look back at Victoria from my position between her legs. "I want to go with you. Please?" I say before I realize.

She chuckles, "Fine, little one. You can play for a bit, but do not forget that he is mine. My mate." I nod and we both stand. James moves between us, his hand on my hip. "Victoria, you will always be mine." He kisses her along her jaw as her head dips backward. "And you Isabella, you are an excellent addition to our little family. You will be _ours_. You are ours to do with as we please." He tightens his grip along my back pulling me toward him, his hip digging into my stomach, not painfully, but I'm aware of his body.

Acutely aware.

I want him. I need him. Something inside of me must consume him and give myself to him. I can't understand this feeling and I don't want to, I just want to feel. Without realizing my movements I'm pressing my lips to his, my mouth open, willingly pulling his tongue into my mouth. Another hand slides along my bare torso, scraping long fingernails from my bra to my jeans and back again. Soon, I have two mouths contending for mine and the delicious feeling in my stomach, the one from when I fed, is circling and growing throughout me.

"Take me." I say in a voice not my own.

"You are already ours. You'll always be his, Isabella. He made you, he owns you. Just like he owns me." The soft voice of Victoria soothes my craving only slightly. Her words don't make sense, but they calm me. I am not abandoned or alone. I belong. _They _want me.

My jeans move past my hips and I step out of them. My eyes are so blurred with this heated need to consume, to take. I grip James by his hair and drag his mouth back to mine as I feel Victoria taking my bra off. My other hand brushes against her breast and I massage the hard, smooth planes of her body. She moans at my touch and it spurs me on. James is pawing at my chest, gripping and pinching and it is creating more heat throughout my body, like I'm slowly being set on fire in an incredible way. Every move either of them make is pushing me toward something I want. But there is a feeling, a nagging emotion that I can't put a name to and it's drawing my eyes toward the brush and trees to our left.

I feel a hand, whose I'm not sure, brush against the apex of my thighs and I groan and tip my head back. A mouth suckles at the base of my throat while another moves along my abdomen. When that lower mouth makes contact with my sex I growl and gasp.

"Shhh, pet, just feel. Let yourself have what you want," the soft voice soothes me. Deep inside it feels as though a taut rubber-band that's been pulled and pulled over and over again is finally snapping.

My eyes close, blocking out the vision of angry gold eyes that seem to be watching me from inside my mind. I push it all away and just feel. Giving into my instincts feels right.

Licks and strokes, sucking and biting. It's as if they cover every inch of my body and I want more. I need more. My eyes bounce along the tree line then back to the beings pleasuring me and I can't concentrate on anything but more. _More_.

I hear a giggle from between my legs, I've said this out loud and Victoria is pleased. This causes me to smile into James' mouth as he kisses my lips and cheeks. "I'll give you more, my sweet," she says huskily. Then she plunges her fingers inside me and moves them fast while she continues to lick and bite at my body. I look up to James who is no longer kissing me. His eyes are trained on Victoria. His smile is tender, sweet. I grab his hand and pull him to my side, pushing his jacket off his arms. "More." I say again. He smirks and begins his assault on my breasts once again.

"And you shall have it," he swears to me. "I will give you everything."

Pulling and tugging, warm and pulsing, this feeling radiates from my stomach into my chest then throughout my body. This amazing, delectable rush filled with heat and sparks pulses out and I grip Victoria's hair in one hand and the back of James head in another as I climax hard. I've never felt like this before. This crescendo of powerful pleasure is better than when I drained those men. It's new and scary, but it's also amazing and I want to do it again as soon as its waves cease.

"Aw, our little one is pouting," James says as he pulls Victoria up to him.

She wipes her mouth with the back of her hand and touts, "Remember when you were a newborn, James? It was all blood and sex, blood and sex."

"We will always be newborns then, my dear." He smiles and kisses her hard. He hums in pleasure and when he pulls away, looking at me. "You taste incredible, Isabella. Next time, I get to try you, yes?" I nod eagerly. I want that now.

He smiles again and says, "Patience."

He hands me my pants. Pouting again, I shake my head. "Clothes will just get in the way," I say flatly. I don't want to put on clothes. I want to do what we just did again. Lots of times.

"I know, sweetheart, but we must go into town and track more to eat. You want to feed don't you, little one?"

"Yes." I say with a smile. The prickle is back at my throat with vengeance now that he's said something. "I'm thirsty."

Victoria slips my bra onto my arms then offers to fasten it for me. Her movements are gentle and almost maternal, nothing like the vicious opponent from earlier.

"Can we go to find more hunters now? I can find more, I know I can. I found Victoria." I say enthusiastically. The idea of hunting spurs a great pleasure inside my body.

She kisses my shoulder then takes off running. "You'll be a lovely decoy to draw in the pathetic, little cows, but don't you dare think you're better than me, pet!" I hear her yell behind her.

James brings me in for a deep kiss, it's strange but addictive and I need more of them. Against my lips he says, "You are better than her. Just don't tell her that." He pats my ass and off we run.

Together, we pursue our fast, feisty red-head together, laughing as we go. The trees are a blur of brown and green, the smells mixing together, moist and alive. Desire pumps through me as my legs pound along the dirt and foliage.

Moving forward is imperative, but I feel like I'm running away from something important. I know there is blood in front of me and I know I want that more than anything. Well, almost anything.

I hope after our next meal, we will have dessert again.

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><p><strong>EN- *peeks out from behind very large blockade* Don't hate me... it's all part of the story. Remember, she's a newborn! Lust and instinct, that's all she's running on and she's at the mercy of those around her since she's not who she once was. Admit it... it was hot! :)  
><strong>

**Blessings and motorboats to my helpers Edward's Eternal, 22blue, and Sunshinegal3- these girls put up with A LOT of neurosis from me! A LOT! They are saints.  
><strong>

**Recs- If you aren't reading Falling Empire of Love by HoochieMomma_ put that on your list. Arthurian Knightward and Roman Bellona = *SIGH***  
><strong>Also, Dragonflies by 22blue makes me all twitterpated and happy. I smiled so hard over her first chapters, my cheeks hurt!<strong>

**I'll send teasers on to reviewers. Your reviews mean the world to me and I thank each of you!**  
><strong>Okay, lemme have it. *prepares for the worst*<strong>


	8. Disappointed

**A/N- And we're back! Thank you all for reading! Here's the link to the soundtrack: ****tinyurl(dot)com / tornfic**

**Disclaimingness: I own a pile of reviews with lots of SHOUTY capitals and a hammock that I will be in all weekend. SM owns everything you recognize here, even horny Vampella!**

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><p><strong>Disappointed<strong>

_She wants him. _

_She wants her._

_She does not want me._

After being attacked by Laurent and having to dispose of him, I lost Bella's scent for a while. I couldn't track any of them and I tried to hear them but for some reason they were muted. No matter how close I got, or how hard I concentrated, I picked up nothing from any of them.

Trying again to track them merely by senses was slowing me down, but I refused to lose them. I would follow them undetected as long as I could until I could get her alone. If I could get her away from them, then maybe I'd have a chance of getting her through the newborn bloodlust and confusion. Maybe I could get her back. No. I _would _get her back. Our bond was too great to be lost even with her as a newborn. I knew deep inside my heart, she was still mine.

Day after day I watch. They are slowly heading back toward America, but I cannot read their minds to know what they have planned. When the three of them are together, I get nothing. Bella follows them as though she's tethered to them with a leash. When they get close to humans she even whines a bit and Victoria plays keeper, making James happy by soothing and calming Bella until they unleash her on innocents. It kills me not to intercede but I won't ruin my chances of saving Bella from them. From herself.

Knowing she's not in her right mind helps ease some of the pain of watching her holding his hand or him kissing her cheek. Remembering her kindness soothes some of the rage when I watch him chase down hikers or frat boys cliff-diving. He allows her first pick to decimate lives with a smile on her face. The idea that she desires the destruction of others chills me to my core. Her finding pleasure in their death brings me back to my own memories of killing humans. It hurts to think that when the newborn haze and lust has passed, she will have to reconcile what's she's done.

This is not my Bella, I know this. A few times I think she may sense me, feel our connection, the bond between our souls. Her eyes will flicker up into the woods and dense brush that cloak me and I can feel the tug against me, pulling me to her. She's always with them. She's never far away, so I never step forward. Biding my time, I wait and watch and hurt.

"Isabella? What's the matter?" I hear Victoria's sickly sweet voice call to my Bella.

With a whine she replies, "I'm thirsty."

"We just ate, child." The annoyance drips from her voice. Victoria is tiring of her already.

"But I'm thirsty again. Can I go on my own? I can find something."

"No. James would not like that. He's returning soon and he'll let me know where we'll go for more. You need to learn some restraint anyhow." I consider jumping them now, with just Victoria on watch, but I know James is returning. I can hear his thoughts now that he's away from the women. He needs bait so he's going to send Victoria out to lure the men away from the town. They're young men who will be easily swayed by a pretty face, but he won't send Bella yet, not into a town full of people. At least he's thinking ahead somewhat.

Bella's head pops up before his voice sounds. "My sweet girls! We'll be enjoying our meal soon." James walks back into the clearing. I can see him from my perch in a tree yards away, enough to stay downwind from the tracker, but close enough to see and hear everything.

James quickly explains what he needs from Victoria and plans to meet her with their "takeout," as he describes, in an hour. She is hesitant, but when James sternly reminds her that he's in charge, she quickly disappears and James remains.

Bella is pacing back and forth beneath the trees like a caged animal. Shadows move across the forest floor as the sun moves along the sky above the trees. I can feel her tension, her anxiety. James does nothing to calm her, he only antagonizes her and I have to control myself when he taunts her. "Little pet is unhappy."

"Yes." She turns again walking away snaking her hand through the long, tangled tresses at her neck.

"Are you thirsty?" he asks condescendingly.

"Yes." She paces back again, her eyes narrowed on his form.

"Do you want to have a snack, my dear?"

She turns quickly and lunges.

"Stop teasing, James!"

"Oh, little one. I can do whatever I want to you. You are mine."

She has him pinned, but I can see he's not trying to push her off. He wants this, even if I cannot read his thoughts, I can read his body.

"Please give me something, it burns." her voice cracking a bit with desperation.

"We still have time until we need to meet, Victoria. What if I distract you?"

"How?" She sits up quickly straddling his chest. "What will distract me from this burn in my throat? You don't have anything." Her voice is angry and my chest aches at the thought of her being in pain or unhappy.

He chuckles and flips her under him and again I must resist attacking them. I can sense Victoria approaching; she's dragging one of the young men with her. I gleam his name from his thoughts. Riley. He believes he will be scoring drugs by following Victoria. This situation may work in my favor so I wait.

Bella, still unbeknownst to Victoria's fast approach, snakes her hand into James' hair and tugs, bringing his face to hers. He quickly responds, gripping her face and kissing her hard. I hate seeing his lips pressed to hers. My stomach threatens to empty again and I have to look away or I will throw up and possibly reveal myself. Over and over I tell myself, "She doesn't know what she's doing." I am repeating it like a prayer.

Bella quickly flips them again, her body pushed against his and her hands ridding him of his jacket. Her reactions to him mentally beat me. Her touching him makes me want to kill him. It's more intense than when I read the thoughts of rapists and murderers. I'd tear him limb from limb if I weren't sure he could take me with Victoria's help. After days and days of praying for this battle to come so I could rid the world of the nomads, I am wishing for my family. If I had them here, they could help me kill the bastards and save Bella.

As she runs her fingers along his body, he pulls her t-shirt off, the one she claimed from a young camper, and then removes her bra just as quickly. I feel a branch break under my grasp and I can barely restrain myself from leaping when James tears her pants off with disgusting desperation. They are lying flush against each other in the dirt like animals. She's gripping him in her hand, begging him to take her and I know he will. In this moment he will die.

"What the fuck do you think you're doing, you little whore?" Victoria comes through the brush; the young man follows her, mesmerized.

Bella quickly jumps up, but James remains sitting in the dirt, a disappointed scowl on his face. "We were having a bit of fun, Victoria. Weren't you supposed to be working? What is this?" He gestures to the boy behind her.

"I'm out there trying to feed us and you play house with the little zombie? This... this is all I could get because I needed help, but you were too busy with your fucking toy. The plan was to meet in one hour so you both could help herd the idiots. Fuck you, James." She turns back to the boy all the while growling.

"No, Victoria. Fuck you. I call the shots. Not you," he sneers back at her as he reaches for Bella who has pulled her pants on and the small t-shirt. She started to back away as they yelled, but he's beckoning her back to him and she's obviously conflicted.

"I'm sorry, Victoria. I'm sorry," she whispers. "Can I have him?"

"You want this? This boy? Fuck you, little girl. Greedy little bitch. He's mine!"

Bella crouches in response. James puts himself in between her and Victoria. "Come now ladies, we can enjoy the treat that Victoria brought us then go find more." His cockiness is wavering just a tad.

"Please. Please, James." Bella begs, her body shaking like a junky in need of a fix. "Please let me have him, baby."

"Baby?" Victoria takes a step closer to Bella and James. "He is not your baby. He never will be!"

"Victoria, calm yourself down. You are making a scene and scaring the boy." He gestures back to Riley who has pushed himself against a tree and is watching the scene with confusion and disbelief. Obviously, the boy has drugs in his system; he's completely stunned into stupidity. He stands slack-jawed while his brain tries to process what he's seeing.

"You want her? You want to keep her, James? Fine. Then I get one too."

I watch closely, waiting for a chance to strike as Victoria appears beside the boy and grips his throat. Although I cannot read her thoughts, I know what she's planning.

"James, I want to feed. Please!" I hear Bella beg again as James approaches Victoria and Riley.

"Shut up!" he spits at Bella then turns back to Victoria. "You will not. I forbid it, Victoria," his voice is cold and commanding. I watch as Bella whimpers and crouches again to protect herself. Every fiber of my being is telling me to protect her.

"You can forbid all you like. You are my maker, but you do not rule me like you do your little bitch," She snarls as she nods to Bella. "You get a pet, I get a pet. All's fair then."

"No." James states calmly. I begin to make my way down the branches while keeping my eyes on them. Looking for my chance to strike, I keep myself ready.

I hear the sick crunch of teeth against skin and muscle, just a fraction of a second before the agonizing screams rip from the boy's throat. The god awful sound pushes me into the clearing. The acrid smell of the boy's drug tainted blood permeates the air; Victoria somehow refrains from killing him. She throws him behind her as she lunges at James just as he charges her.

"I hate you!" she screams at the top of her lungs. "I should've killed you the second you brought that whore into our world!"

James doesn't even react as they collide, Victoria ripping at him with all her might. He deflects several of her punches and when she tries to grip him at the neck he throws her into a large tree to the left of Bella. Her instinct is to cower as she watches her maker and his mate violently battle. I've never seen something like James and Victoria's dynamic before. This isn't how bonded mates behave and it confounds me, but I have to focus on the task at hand.

Looking toward Bella, her black eyes locked on Riley who lies writhing and tortured as the venom begins to spread. His screams obviously affect her because she's not attacked him. I know she can smell the blood, but the screaming is hurting her sensitive ears as well as the thrashing of Victoria and James who are still near her. Bella grips her head and falls a bit into a tree. Her body is completely overwhelmed. It's almost like she's shutting down.

Reaching out my hand, I brush against her shoulder and she jumps backward, several feet away. "Don't touch me," she growls as she lowers quickly into a crouch again ready to attack. Her eyes flash against the sunlight peeking through the trees, a light sparkle shimmers across her bare arms and neck. I notice her eyes flicker away from mine and down to the spots shining on her body. Thinking back to our time in the meadow, how I imagined myself a monster and she convinced me that I was beautiful. I wish I could pull her into my arms and help her understand what has happened to her, help her remember her love for me and mine for her.

From behind me I hear a cracking sound and turn in time to see James snapping the screeching boy's neck. "You will not be a maker. I own you! You have been mine for a long time Victoria and I won't let you ruin us!"

She screeches like a banshee then lunges at him. Seeing two mates attacking each other is beyond what my mind can comprehend. Mates are bonded for life, yet James sought out a second, vampires always respect their maker's wishes and in the end, the maker's decisions are final, yet Victoria is refusing to submit to his will. I've heard of makers killing progeny when the newborn gets out of control. I've never heard of a maker and a newborn destroying each other.

James and Victoria are savage and violent as they pummel each other, destroying the trees around them. Putting myself between the melee and Bella, we both watch as James tears Victoria apart. I am not ashamed to say that watching him destroy her terrifies me. My only instinct is to protect Bella from the battling nomads.

Shock and fear emanate from Bella's body as we stand aside watching helplessly as one mate destroys the other in a fit of jealousy and rage. Victoria soon lays dismembered, nothing but her flame red mane can be recognized.

Suddenly, James turns, "You." He notes my arrival and begins to strike. I am able to deflect him. He lands on his feet swiftly. His voice eerily calm as her speaks, "You cannot have her. I've lost one mate, you won't get this one."

"She's not your mate, James. You just killed your mate!"

"I did not kill Victoria, she killed herself. A mate must submit to their maker. She had to die if she was willing and ready to defy me." He stands quickly and arches an eyebrow at me. "Isabella, come to me," he demands while his hands reach out to her.

I feel her walk around me toward him. "No, Bella. Please listen to me. You don't have to listen to him."

"Yes, you do. Come along, my girl, we must leave this place. This boy wants to hurt us and take you from me. I need you. Don't let him take you from me."

Bella whimpers and looks back to me.

"Bella," I call out to her. "Do you remember the meadow? Our meadow… with the flowers and the waterfall? Do you remember that, Bella?"

Her feet stop short and she pivots on her dirty toes. "Meadow?" A flash of recognition behind the garnet-rimmed onyx eyes.

"Do not listen to him, Isabella. He wants to hurt you, to hurt us!" James yells again, but I can hear the panic in his voice.

Ignoring him I continue, "Yes, we have a meadow. Yours and mine. And Charlie. Do you remember your dad, Charlie?" Her body turns toward mine and I can feel the pull to her increasing. Her eyes search mine as I continue, "He misses you so much. We all miss you, Bella." I take a step closer to her and notice James does too.

"Isabella, you are mine. I don't want you to end up like Victoria. You must stay with me. You are mine." His shaky voice betrays him, showing his panic rising.

I continue on, steady-voiced. "Do you remember your dad? Or your mom, Renee? They both miss you and have been looking for you for so long, Bella." She continues to look between us, each sentence I say, I cautiously take a step closer, as does James. Soon we're standing on either side of Bella. Her head bouncing back and forth between us - her eyes wild and frightened.

"Ignore him, Isabella, he lies. He wants to take you. To hurt you. Do not believe him. Don't let his lies take you away from your maker. Feel our connection. You are mine, Isabella, I made you. You will always be mine." If I didn't despise James with every ounce of myself, I might feel sorry for how pathetic he sounds, scrabbling for her attentions.

Her ear is just before me and I whisper to her, "You are my life, Bella."

"She is not!" James growls loudly causing Bella to drop to her knees and grab her head. I take this opportunity to lunge at him as he looks down. Crashing my body into his, I nearly trip over Bella. Pulling him down with me, I try to figure out his next move, but he flips us quickly. In a blur of movements I try to gain the upper hand. I cannot hear his thoughts, but I'm faster than he is so I react well to each of his moves. I hear Bella cry out and I turn toward her, James takes advantage and crushes my body against a large tree, part of the tree giving way under the pressure. "You will not take her from me!"

My view of Bella is blocked and James crushing my throat, pushing me by my head and neck through the tree. He reaches to my arm and begins to tear, and I scream from the pain.

Suddenly, his thoughts are clear, like a curtain being pulled up to reveal him and I see he's trying to use leverage to rip me apart. I manage to move my other arm, gripping him under his ribs to throw him off of me. Every time he grabs me I'm able to pull him down and gain the upper hand, seeing each move he makes before he actually makes it. He is becoming frantic because of his frustrations and begins lashing out even more in his panic. He manages to gain ground on me and throws me over him, slamming head first into the trunk of a large tree. He's on me quickly, kicking me repeatedly.

I find myself pinned against the ground; he has me trapped with his hand on my neck. His mind flashes quickly to his time with Bella, how soft she is, how beautiful he thinks her hair is, the way she tasted. This last thought sears through me like a bolt of lightning burning everything in its path. I cannot control myself, my body is vibrating with rage. Using this fury, I launch him off and over my head into the same tree I hit, only this time it gives way, toppling with him as he goes over.

Quickly, I have him stuck against a large mound of rocks just beyond the trees, I slam him against them repeatedly until he's rendered powerless and incapacitated. I make haste ripping him apart, throwing the pieces on top of his mate's. Part of me is relishing in the fact that I've destroyed James. I set their pieces aflame to get rid of them. I turn to get the boy, Riley; to throw his body into the raging flames, but his body is gone. I quickly move around the small clearing of broken trees but his body is gone. So is Bella.

My mind locks down, paralyzing me with fear. Bella is gone. She's run away from me again. She's nowhere to be seen, however after running for several yards, I'm able to pick up her scent through the brush and crawl up the rocks. She's managed to climb upward and is huddling against a rock cutout. She's shaking, folded in on herself with her knees pulled into her chest, her forehead on her knees. I notice the boy's body is lying prone beside her, a few more bites along his arms. She must have tried to feed from him, but he had venom pulsing through him until his neck was broken. She tried to drink from him as he was changing. I don't know if it can hurt her. _Please, God, don't let the venom hurt her._Vampires can't drink from each other, the skin impenetrable, but his hadn't completed the change, so I don't know. I need Carlisle.

"Bella?" I say as softly as I can.

Growling is her only response as she moves in the blink of an eye into the attack position. "Shh… I won't hurt you. I swear it."

"You- you killed him. My James." Her whispered, pained words are like knife cutting at the edges of my already shattered heart.

"I had to, Bella. He was going to kill me and take you away." Her growling increases with my words. I need to calm her, but I'm not sure what I can do.

"You want to hurt me. James said you wanted to hurt us, him. You did. You hurt him. Now you'll hurt me." Her hands are gripped tightly around her middle even though she's still trying to look menacing. I know she could injure me if she attacked.

"No, Bella." I raise my hands showing her I mean no harm. "No, I will not hurt you. I will never hurt you. I'm here for you."

"Liar!" Her back is pressed against the rocks, her eyes shifting around, looking for her escape.  
>"You took my mate. You killed him and he killed Victoria. I have no one!"<p>

"He was not your mate. Me. I- I am yours. Yours. Your mate. Me, Bella. Not him. Me." She has to see. She has to feel this between us. It is more than her bloodlust and newborn confusion, it has to be.

"James. James is my maker. He made me. He said you abandoned me and didn't- you didn't want me." Her confusion is palpable. I may not be able to read her thoughts, but I can read her emotions and she's breaking down. My panic is rising, I feel like I'm lost. I hear noises inside my head, but I know I can't hear Bella.

"That's a lie. I will always want you. I never left you. I will never leave you, Bella." I feel a sense of calm start to wash over me as a distracting voice resounds in my head, "I'm coming. We're almost there. Hang on." And I feel like my mind is fracturing along with my heart. My family couldn't possibly be with me. I must be going insane.

"You don't look like me. Your eyes are- they're gold," she stated, her small voice shaking me from my confusion. Her mind must be flipping through hundreds of pieces of information.

Needing to keep her mind with me, I decide to keep her talking. "Yes, I have gold eyes. You can, too. Do you want gold eyes?"

"They're pretty. I know your eyes. But they aren't like mine. Like James and Victoria. You aren't like me."

I shake my head slightly trying to quiet the voice and the noises around me. I need to focus on Bella. "No. I'm not. But I am yours, Bella. I will always be yours."

"Mine?" Her body relaxes. She seems to be calming.

"Yours. I swear it. Please, let me help you." I hedge closer to her so I am nearly touching her.

"My throat hurts. He didn't taste good. It made me sick." Her eyes flicker to the boy's body then back to mine.

"I know, love. He had venom in him, you can't drink venom. I know you don't feel good, but we can fix it."

"I can hunt?"

I shake my head. "No, no hunting right now."

"Need to drink." Her hands clench again around her middle, her back flush to the rocks. "It hurts."

"I'll help you. We'll find something for you to drink."

"Your voice. I know your voice." Her eyes locked to mine. She remembers something.  
>She lowers her head again and sinks to the ground. Her body is still shaking. I need to think of something. I need to soothe her. Then it hits me. Her lullaby. I begin to hum and her body relaxes more. With every bar, the muscles and tendons unwrap and ease.<p>

Soon she's lulled into an almost catatonic state. This is the most still I've seen her in weeks. Maybe the newborn urges are waning. Even as I'm touching her now, she's not rejecting me. I rub my hands along her shins as I kneel in front of her; the feel of her is different yet it's exactly the same.

"I love you," I whisper. "Please, Bella. Please, let me take you home."

"Home?" She says, barely lifting her head.

"Yes, sweetheart. Home." She puts her head back on her knees.

Taking a chance, I move quickly without a sound to pick her up, but she startles and begins to fight me.

"Stop, stop. Bella, stop. I'm trying to help you." Reasoning with a newborn isn't my brightest idea. Soon she's wrenched herself away from me and running. She's fast. Her energy is immense, but she's thirsty. Everything, all the scents and sounds around her, distract her quickly. I tackle her, pinning her to the ground, but then she flips us easily. She's so angry with me for stopping her. I let her up and ask her again to let me take her home, but then I smell it. She does too. We have come across the scent of a large bear and I think of an idea to help her. Running as fast as I can, her following closely with curiosity, I take the bear down, ripping it's throat open with my teeth. Almost instantly I see Bella revert to the hunter within her. She's coiled and ready to spring, the seeping blood calling to her lust.

"Mine!" She growls out before she's up and running toward me. The territorial newborn in her is ready to fight me for the kill, but the smell of fresh blood is too much for her and she is soon sinking her teeth into its fur and flesh. The animal's growls are merely gurgles as she drains him with ease. I don't even have the time to become thirsty she drinks so quickly. She rolls the bear off of her, her t-shirt stained, her hair in tangles around her face, matted with dirt and dried blood. Even with blood dripping from her mouth, she's beautiful. She's glaring at me as though I've tried to hurt her, but I guess in her newborn mind, I have - I've tried to take away her meal, and I've tried to take her somewhere without her permission.

"Bella?" I hedge.

With her voice a shaky whisper she asks, "Why do you follow me?"

"I love you. I will always follow you."

"Edward!" As I turn toward my sister's voice I hear Bella whimper. She's gripping her head. If I didn't know better, I would think she was getting a migraine. I don't remember much from my newborn time, but I don't remember headaches. Looking again to my sister, I'm not surprised to see her, or Jasper. She wouldn't be Alice if she didn't come to help me before I even had a chance to ask.

Suddenly Bella collapses.

"Bella!" I pull her up against my chest and carry her off the rocks. "Alice! Help me!" I call out as I see Alice and Jasper move into view from the trees.

"Bella!" I hear them both call out as they reach me in seconds. "What's happened?" Alice asks as Jasper tries to calm us all. I can feel the peace licking at the jagged, frayed ends of my psyche, but I'm beyond his reach right now.

"She drank from a boy Victoria tried to change, she drank blood with venom!" I can't help but yell, my mind seizing up with the possibilities of what could be happening to her.

Jasper's calm voice permeates my panic, "We need to get her to Carlisle."

Alice yells, "Oh God, Edward. Run!"

I look down to Bella, limp in my arms, almost as she was when she was human, when she was my Bella. I only hope we can help her… that we aren't out of time.

As fast as I can possibly move, I run.

* * *

><p><strong>EN- I know. I suck. But in a good way right?**

**So, she's with Edward… but is she still his Bella? What do you think? I'd really like to know what you think!**

**Thank you to my girls- Edward's Eternal, Sunshinegal3, and 22blue- for putting up with my neurosis, freak-outs, and IM conversations debating canon details like permeable skin, good fight writing music, and how to break a tree with a vampire. Y'all complete me!**

**A shout out to the Krisbians- sunshinegal3, parismylove, hockey_chick10, lyricalkris, kellyprovence, theswandive, & donnersun. You guys make my heart happy. **

**I've been tumbling and tweeting lots of teasers and naughty (at theraingirl4) if you'd like to join in. It's mostly NSFW, if you appear under 18 I won't let you follow me, jussayin.**

**Recs- If you aren't reading something by these people, hop to it: sadtomato, JadaLulu, Savage7289, erinbatt, lyricalkris, sunshinegal3, littlecat358, skeezon, 22blue, oh! and check out the vampslash contest! Follow them on twitter vampslash!**

**Enjoy your weekend, my friends!**


	9. Destruction

**A/N- Firstly, Thank you so incredibly much to whomever nominated Torn for the Gem Awards. I don't know what to say, but THANK YOU! Here's the link for the nominations, lots of great stories to check out! ****gemawards(dot)blogspot(dot)com/2011/05/onyx-round-is-open-for-voting(dot)html**

**Secondly, Soundtrack: ****tinyurl(dot)com/tornfic**** just take out the dot! As always the last three songs are the teaser for the next installment.**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing. If you recognize it, that's all The SMeyer. I'm just a naughty kitten enjoying her catnip! **

**More at the bottom!**

* * *

><p><strong>Destruction<strong>

Cold, wet air pushing around my hair and neck brings my mind up to the surface. My body is thrumming with the pounding pains in my head.

I'm running, but I'm not. I know my muscles aren't moving, but I know I'm going forward because I can feel the movement around me. When I try to focus on what's going on around me, a searing pain ricochets through my head and thankfully, blackness takes me again.

* * *

><p>"Edward! What's happened?" A man's voice jars me from my stupor. The black nothing was nice because if I were in the abyss, I was not in pain. Now the pain is back, ebbing and surging through my mind.<p>

"Bella?" I hear several familiar voices and I pray for the blackness to take me again away from all the yelling and commotion. "Bella's alive? How is that possible?"

Every movement. Every single move they make with my body is registered in stinging lances through my head.

"She's been changed? How- how is this possible?" The yelling causes white light to mix with the blackness. It hurts. My muscles are tight, knotted together, nothing I do will release the pain and stiffness. It's like my body is angry.

"I'll explain later. Please, she's ingested another's venom and drug-laced blood. Help her, please!"

My body is rested on something, something soft. I try to speak but nothing comes out and I can see only black. As I try to move the pain comes back again with a vengeance rendering me incapacitated. Paralyzed by agony, yet again.

* * *

><p>Someone is caressing and brushing my hair... a soft feel across my forehead. Warm wetness drips a bit on my face, but the sensation is too much, I pray for it to stop. There is a humming inside my head, almost like a vibration. It's rattling slowly down my spine and makes me want to run, run from the creeping feeling up and down my body.<p>

"Give her time, Edward." The soft, feminine voice slows the march along my body. I try to focus on the feeling that I know her.

"What am I going to do, Esme? I can't lose her again. I hate seeing her in pain; I hated seeing her with him. God, just thinking about him touching her makes me volatile. It's sickening." Hearing his voice, laced with anger, makes my body tense up. As soon as they're quiet, the stinging pains creep back up along my body like something crawling along every piece of skin they can find. Thankfully, the blackness comes again to take me.

* * *

><p>"She's coming back again." A soft, deep voice I remember continues, "Edward, stay back. Just let her have a moment. I need to examine her when she's conscious."<p>

Growling. I hear growling. I need to protect myself, but my body won't move. Trying to focus on what has happened to me, I can see James in my mind, defending me against Edward, but I also remember that while part of me was terrified of the fighting and the noise, there was also a part of me that hoped Edward would kill James. And that I would be rid of James' control and dominance.

"Bella, dear. Can you understand me? Can you open your eyes for me, please?"

I know this voice. He can help me. I know this. But my eyes won't open. My head hurts so much.

"I think she's out again." Silence then a long sigh. I try to pay attention to the men speaking, hoping they'll explain what's wrong. Hoping they'll put me out of my misery. "Tell me, Carlisle. What's happening to her?"

"I can only think that something like what humans get- blood poisoning, something similar to that because of the venom and also she's going through what seem to be withdrawals. She was feeding on humans daily, you said?" I want to feed now. "All the time, whenever she wanted?"

Silence. Please let them leave me to die if they won't feed me.

"If she was feeding that often, she became dependent on it with those newborn urges. You remember what it was like? Imagine if I'd given in to your every urge at that time? For an impressionable newborn, her humanity stuck in the back of her mind and all that bloodlust being fed over and over, you can imagine the neurological pathways that were built, Edward. Now her body is breaking down."

Shut up and kill me.

"I don't smell drugs in her system any longer."

"No, they've finally burned off, but that was not good for her either. Our systems burn drugs fast, but they can still have an effect us. The venom from Victoria is still in her system though..." God, the pain is so intense. And all these two can do is fucking chat! "...battling with her own. I've never heard of a case where a vampire, even a newborn, has tried to feed on a changing human. Only time will tell what has happened inside her. That may be why her mind has shut down. We need to feed her, she's definitely weak."

"We can't shove it down her throat, Carlisle, you could kill her."

"She's not human, Edward, but I do understand the dangers of forcing her, but if she is unable to feed herself, I must find a way to keep her from weakening to the point of losing her. You know this."

When cool hands land on my face, the shock of the touch rocks through my entire body, every nerve ending electrified. It hurts so much my mind shuts down and I'm back into the abyss.

* * *

><p>Burning.<p>

I'm burning.

Why won't they just kill me?

As I come in and out of my mind, I hear them speaking about me. About my James. Victoria. The boy who tasted badly. There is a voice I recognize most of all within the familiar ones floating around my head... the one that belong to the angry, gold eyes. Edward.

"Did Carlisle say there was any change?"

"He said he thinks the worst of the drugs are out of her system but that she's got some kind of coma or brain injury-type reaction to the venom in her system. It doesn't seem to be damaging her physically, but it's caused some kind of reaction in her brain."

Why can't they just put me out of this misery?

"Please?"

"Esme! Did she just say something?"

The pain is so intense. It steals my ability to think about anything but ending the pain. "Kill me."

"Oh god, Edward."

"No, no one will kill you. We're going to help you, Bella. Calm down. We'll help you. I prom-" I don't get to hear the end of his sentence. I'm lost again to the darkness.

* * *

><p>"You need to feed."<p>

"I'm aware of that fact, Jasper. I'm not an idiot."

"No, you aren't. You are hovering though."

"I want to be here when she wakes up. It's been weeks."

"Her body is healing. I can feel the calm that comes over her as she's unconscious. She only gets upset, like now... she's panicking as her consciousness comes back and she hears us."

"Bella? Come back to me. Please, come back to me." His voice is filled with concern. Why does he want me back? Why can't I just be gone? It hurts to be awake.

"She's panicking too much, there's too much stress. I need to calm her. Carlisle said we can't rush her, Edward." I feel my body loosen and relax, like a blanket of peaceful fog lying across me. "She's calming again."

* * *

><p>"Edward, we need a different approach, son."<p>

"What do you want to try now? We are all reading to her, moving her limbs, talking to her, nothing is helping. She doesn't respond to stimuli."

"We need to take into account how weak her body is getting and the lack of change in her consciousness. What if we revisit the idea of trying to feed her?" I want to feed. The burning is getting worse. Almost more painful than the headaches. "If we allow her to feed, the scent, the drive... it could bring her back again. We could give her enough to satiate her. It might be the jump start she needs."

"How do we do this without her freaking out? I'm not bringing her a human. I don't like the idea of stealing blood from the blood bank in such a small town. And I won't let you force feed her, Carlisle."

"No, that's not what I meant. I spoke with Emmett; he is willing to go catch something for her." Catch _something_? "We can move her to the patio or the garage, somewhere safe with all of us on alert, but still allow her to have her instincts. To feed her needs, Edward. To give her back some control over this situation. It might snap her out of this catatonia."

There is no noise for a long time and then I hear the beautiful voice, so close. "Bella... we'll take care of this. I promise you we'll make it better."

His voice is so kind. I want to touch him... to see he's real. I hear his promises. I want them to be true. I try to relax my body and allow myself to come up from the darkness, to move toward the safety of his voice, but my mind doesn't let me. It's such a conflict within me. I can see James' face and hear him telling me that Edward is dangerous. In my mind, I relive the feedings with James and Victoria, my hunger pangs growing stronger. I feel James' touch as he reminds me that he is my liaison and my keeper. He said he was training me, as my maker, he said he had to make me into his perfect mate. I wanted to please him. He kept me safe, fed, happy, and all I needed to do was follow his lead.

Although James absolutely terrified me with his anger and violence, he also kept me alive. I remember him praising me with "good girl" and "that's my pet" when I behaved as he wanted and then he would give me what I wanted. He always rewarded me for helping track and take down humans. He never lied to me, did he? If he said to do something, I did it. If I didn't, he punished me and I went hungry or untouched. When I did as I was asked, I was always given what I needed and craved from him. He would often let me seek out attentions from him or Victoria. Even though he would often threaten to take my food away if I didn't follow him explicitly, he would also make me feel good with compliments and pleasure. If James hated me, wouldn't he have already killed me?

* * *

><p>Blood.<p>

Before I know what's happening, I'm drinking. My vision is hazy, like looking through a fogged window, but I can taste. Warm, sweet and salty, hints of metal and earth mix within the liquid gold as it flows down my throat. It's not perfect, but it calms the burn. The pains lashing at my head are eased, but not gone.

Empty.

"More."

"Fuck yea! Our girl's got an appetite!" The shout causes me to bear down into a crouch taking inventory of the indistinct figures surrounding me. At least five vampires.

"Easy." The calming, golden voice. "It's okay. No one will take it from you."

"More." My voice is husky and rough. I try to look for more, but my eyes are so blurred I cannot and I don't smell any more fresh blood.

"Emmett." The tall, soft-spoken man speaks firmly, "Son, focus! Go get the other one. Good planning ahead."

"I knew she'd be a predator." I see the outlines of the three men. One leaving, the other two stand near me. Pushing the body off of me. It's furry. What's happening to me? Why can't I see well?

They are all just staring at me. I see the outlines of people around me. Some farther away so they are just shadows, some closer, I can smell them all though. Sweet, almost too sweet.

Edward leans forward. "Shh. It's okay. Emmett will be right back with another."

"Get away from me. Don't hurt me!" The panic is rising and pushing through my body. _He abandoned you. He wants to hurt you. Don't let him take you away. _

I have to get away.

Scrambling to my feet, I lunge toward where the large, happy one disappeared.

"Bella, you have to stay here. Emmett will be right back. Carlisle, do something! Where's Jasper?"

"I'm trying, she's very panicked, she's throwing off some serious fear. She's terrified, Edward, and it's hard to get through."

"Are you hungry, Bella?" The fatherly one asks, "Do you want to feed?" The room has no windows. It smells of oils and chemicals and the stench burns my nose. I do want to feed, but not on anything in here. My vision is still so fuzzy; I can see the outline of those holding me here.

I contemplate taking them all on to escape when I hear growling and then the large one appears with a massive, snarling beast. A mountain lion? He throws it from the door over the two in front of me. Before the cat has a chance to recover, he's down.

So good.

I drink and drink until I can no longer feel the burn and I no longer care who is staring at me.

* * *

><p>"Come with me and we'll get you cleaned up, okay?"<p>

The little one, Alice's hand brushes along the tangles of my hair. Her motions remind me of Victoria, calming me with just a stroke of her hand or touch of her lips. Leaning forward into her, my body reacts before my mind has a chance to fear her.

"Come along. Would you like to wash? You've gotta feel pretty grimy?" Her questions bring to my attention the dirt under my fingernails, the blood stains along my jeans, the mud and blood caked on my skin.

I feel... ashamed? Visions of blood and death circle my head. Where before I would want physical rewards after feeding, now I feel empty. Normally, James would want me to help him with getting the food, corralling the humans and then we would enjoy each other or I would watch James and Victoria together. I do not desire that now. "What's happened to me?"

"Bella, it will be okay. We'll get you clean. I promise." Her soft, reassuring words calm me, not only with the promise of a clean body, but maybe a way to clean my mind too.

The room she brings me to is expansive to say the least. My scattered thoughts take in my surroundings. Clean white walls and furniture, save for a massive black wrought iron bed dressed in soft looking white linens, scents of lemons and sweet warmth fill my senses. I recognize the smell of Alice, she very unassuming, I'm sure she could be a threat, but she isn't. I can feel that she isn't a danger to me. She leads me to a very large, open bathroom and starts a bath for me.

"I'll go find you something to wear and we can burn what you're wearing." Her smile with her words elicits a smile of my own. While Victoria constantly belittled me and antagonized me, Alice seems to really want to be nice to me... she seems to have my best interests at heart which is surprising, but familiar at the same time.

Vanilla. The smell of warmth and sweet runs through me. A vision of a beautiful dark-haired woman smiling at me as she places a large bowl of ice cream in front of me. The thought of ice cream causes my stomach to roll uncomfortably, but the smell... the scent causes me to sway a bit and hold onto the towel rack to keep from falling.

Pulling the ratted and bloodied pants from my hips is a relief. I quickly shuck them onto the floor, but as the heat from the bath warms the room, the scent of blood permeates the air. My skin has blood stains and so do my jeans and shirt, even my bra is pink-tinged. My mouth starts to fill with a metallic taste. The pangs of hunger return, my gut twisting a bit.

I think I need to feed. Stumbling out of the bathroom, my feet catch on my discarded clothes. The smell lessens in the open room and I land in a crouch near the bed trying to figure out where I want to go, what I need to do next. My mind is flashing between the sounds of people discussing me downstairs, talking about where to hunt, but I also hear a car outside, and trees moving in the wind. The sound of birds chirping causes me to go to a bay of windows along a wall. As I look out on a large yard that leads to trees, I can see water beyond the trees and there is someone running. I can hear their feet hitting the dirt an octave below the sound of the birds.

Mesmerized, I watch as the man who found me and took me away from James, Edward, comes through the tree line running faster than I've ever seen someone move. My eyes track him easily, but I'm still amazed the way his body moves so lithe and graceful, dodging every branch and valley until he reaches the porch of the house and disappears.

"Bella?" I jump a bit. So enthralled with the boy running, I didn't notice Alice coming back.

"You didn't bathe?" I look down at my naked body glimmering with light. Being so close to the window is causing sunlight to bounce along my diamond-faceted skin. I turn my dirty hands out in front of me watching the light and colors.

"It is beautiful isn't it?" I nod without looking away from my skin; my arms, my legs, even my breasts sparkle in the fading light.

"Lovely," I say with a bit of waver in my voice. My mind is clearing; even if my eyes are still a bit blurry, my mind isn't as hazy. I can concentrate a bit longer, but I really just want to look at the glittering all around me.

"Let's get you washed up, then you can change into something more comfortable, okay?" she asks with such a sweet voice, I expect to look up and find her dipped in honey.

"I think no clothes would be the most comfortable," I murmur turning in the light, looking behind me to see a bit of twinkle on my backside and heels. How marvelous, I'm like a decoration!

"Yes, naked _is_ good, but right now we need you clean, then we can feed you again."

My body reacts to her words. "I'm thirsty." Now that she's said it, the nagging pain in my head throbs a bit, not as badly as before, but I can feel it. The burning in my throat is rising again as well.

"I'm sure you are, Bella. And it's okay that you are." Her hand traces along my hair, her fingers getting knotted a bit at the end. "But you need to wash away all the muck. We can start fresh."

"I would like that."

"Then let's go." She pulls me toward the bathroom; the nearly overflowing tub still smells like the pretty, happy woman in my mind.

As I step into the bath, my mind goes blank. All I can feel is the heat of the water, soothing against my tough skin. The water turns a bit of a dirty pink color the longer I sit, but I don't move. I wait in the water, watching Alice find some things and come back. She pours something that smells like cookies or candy into her hand. It's too sweet and my nose burns a bit. She starts rubbing my hair and soon bubbles fall across my face. It still smells too sweet, but it feels good, her fingers scrubbing along my hair and scalp, massaging the sweet scents into me from the top.

She turns on the faucet then uses a sprayer to rinse my hair and then excuses herself as I sit in a mass of cookie-scented bubbles.

A gentle knock at the door interrupts my thoughts on what the bubbles might taste like. "Are you ready to get out and go hunting?" I climb out eagerly and she helps me dry off with huge fluffy towels. She gives me clean, new smelling clothes. Included are tight blue jeans, not very conducive to hunting, and a cream-colored, soft sweater that I keep petting the sleeves while she talks.

I sit on the end of the large bed, my hair being combed by the kind Alice. She's explaining to me about all the vampires who live in her home. She calls them a family. She tells me of the doctor, Carlisle. I try to remember him from the story she tells of before when he helped me after I hit my head on a red truck. My truck.

She also tells me about Esme, her mother. I ask her if she's the brown-haired woman from my mind, but she thinks that's my mother, Renee. When she comes around to telling me about the large, loud one and his maker, Rose, the stunning blonde appears at the doorway.

"How sweet. Alice has a new doll." Something in her voice causes me body to tighten. "Will you be dressing her up like a Barbie as well, Al?" Her voice sounds ice through my body, tightening every muscle.

"Hush Rose. I want to take care of Bella. She deserves it."

"She deserves something alright. The world seems to be revolving around her-"

Before I realize what my body is doing, my muscles have contracted and I've gone from the bed to the door. My hands land square on her ample chest, tossing her back into a wall, glass and wood splintering around us. I hear Alice calling for us to stop, calling the doctor and the others.

Even though I can hear them asking me to stop, I cannot. My body wants retribution for her words. She was spiteful to someone who has been kind. And something tells me that in my past, her spite and anger have always played a role.

We tumble and roll, pushing against each other. Her nails dig into my skin, burning pleasure. It feels good to feel. I grasp at her hair and try to maneuver myself around her curves. She has plenty of muscle and long legs and arms. She's quite beautiful, like the trapped lion. I quickly gain the upper hand and straddle her, pinning her arms above her head onto the wood floor, her feet and legs still flailing about like a dying animal.

I hear in the distance people yelling my name, but I don't care. I must take control of this threat.

"You are mine now," I say harshly.

"Fuck off, little girl." I grip her by the shoulders and slam her head into the wood floor cracking it underneath her.

Her voice reminds me of Victoria and combined with her wriggling and writhing beneath me, something inside me stirs. Victoria liked when we would fight then make up, though something tells me Rosalie would not be as receptive as Victoria. Her curses and threats create a red hot streak through me and hearing her say that I'm pathetic and worthless only aggravates me further to the point of putting my hands against her throat and tightening.

As I lean into her I hear Edward. "Bella, stop."

My head volleys in his direction without command from me and seeing him so crestfallen and angry doesn't make me want to run. It makes me want to do something. To apologize. I don't like seeing him in pain, especially because of my actions. Crawling off of Rosalie, I make my way on all fours to where Edward is standing. I hear behind me as Emmett scoops his mate up off the floor and makes a comment about the rising temperature. There is a loud smack and a door closing, but I try to focus on myself, my body, the man in front of me that won't meet my eyes. Soon he turns and walks away from me. It feels as though he's taking a part of me with him and that terrifies me even more.

Dr. Cullen comes from behind me and crouches down to me. "Isabella, would you like to go hunting, dear?"

Instantly, I want what he has for me. I would often have to repay James for giving me food, as "a good pet should", so I lean into him but he steps away. "You and I, Edward and Esme, and Jasper and Alice, we will all go hunting."

I nod, not sure what to do with my body, my eyes, or my head.

They lead me out of the house, all of us walking together. It feels safe being with them. Sometimes I didn't feel safe with Victoria and James. There is something different about these ones. They are not asking me to do anything; they've not told me a plan to trap the humans.

When I question the copper-haired woman, who has asked me to call her Esme, she sweetly reminds me that we won't be hunting humans. I pout a bit at the thought of drinking more moose.

I hear a chuckle from behind me. Looking back I find Alice's Jasper. He's very calming, soothing to look at... almost like a painting of a beautiful ocean scape or a calm piece of music.

"How 'bout we find you another mountain lion, Bella?" he asks, just a hint of an accent coloring his peaceful, happy words. I am not sure I want a mountain lion, but the way he asks makes me want one. I can't help but smile when the side of his mouth grins.

Edward calls out that there is a pack of large timber wolves entering the forest where we've run to and he explains how we'll take one each, no more. It's a large pack, but he explains if we take too many, we'll destroy the group. James never allowed survivors. Looking at him curiously, again he reminds me we take what we need and no more. I've heard him say this twice since we've been running and hunting. I nod and he smiles slightly. I like seeing him smile.

After each of us have taken a wolf and taken down part of a herd of elk, we begin our travels back toward their home. Alice and Jasper are ahead of all of us talking and laughing. Their sounds make my body relax as I run. Esme and Edward are behind me, speaking in low tones I can register occasionally if I try. Carlisle is a few strides ahead encouraging me to keep pace. I focus on the pound of my feet against the dirt. Alice gave me sandals to wear, but I refused and now I run barefooted and I like it very much.

I hear Edward call my name, but I ignore the sounds. I have only one focus.

Blood.

I stop instantly as the message reaches my brain. Turning quickly I follow my instincts and throw myself toward the scent that promises me at least two people.

Behind me I hear the group realize what's happened and some are arguing about why they didn't sense the people. They are trying to catch me, but I'm very fast. I'm about a mile away from my prey when I'm thrown into a tree, the loud crack startling me more than the feeling of my body breaking the wood.

"Mine!" I snarl, unsure of who attacked me.

"No, Bella!" Edward has me pinned down. "You can't kill them. They're little kids. You can't hurt them, Bella. That's not you!"

I lash out, trying to do anything. "Fuck you! I can have them!" Anything to get me away from those angry, gold eyes. Anything to get me to the luscious scent in my nose.

"No. You are not them; do not let them take you. You can fight this!"

"Get off me, Edward! They're mine to take. They're just humans!" James' words echo in my head.

"This is _not_ you. This is _not_ my Bella, my mate. Please stop!" His cries are agony to my ears and heart, like a knife piercing everywhere. _ He abandoned you. He doesn't want a monster. He only wanted you when you were a human._

"I am not your mate!" I scream at him, but his grip is relentless. I finally look into his eyes and I'm shocked what I find swimming in those blackened eyes. It hurts in my gut seeing his pain.

My body sags against the tree, but Edward does not let go. Carlisle and Esme are near, speaking in muted tones to me, words of calm and kindness. Jasper and Alice look on as my body is lulled, peacefully calmed. I can feel all the bloodlust drip into the soil as though I'm being drained.

"Take her back to the house," I hear Edward spit out as he turns away from me and the others carry me back.

My last thought before I black out into a calm sea of darkness is, "I'm sorry, Edward."

* * *

><p>"I've made him abandon me again. I made him leave and I don't know why." When I wake from the "calming" as Alice calls it, I want to find Edward. I want to find him and beg his forgiveness, grovel at his feet, and make him tell me how to make him happy, how to please him. Alice says he has gone hunting with Emmett and Rose. Just the mention of her name raises alarms in my head.<p>

"Don't worry. After Edward came back, he gave Rose quite the tongue-lashing about her behavior. Of course she pouted, but she's over it. Plus, what you did with her got Emmett quite interested." She is smiling, joking with me. I wish I could laugh, but all I can think about is James and Edward. My maker? My mate? Both gone. I have nothing.

"He was my maker too, Bella." I nearly miss her speaking as the battle in my head wages on.

Confounded, I question, "James was your mate?"

"No, Jasper is my mate. James apparently made me a vampire, though. Like you. It was a long time ago. I was sick."

"Why were you not with him if he was your maker?"

"I was in a hospital. I was locked away during my change. We don't have to stay with our makers. James lied to you, Bella."

"James said that pets must submit and serve their maker."

"He lied, Bella. While it's true there is a bond between a vampire and their liaison, it's not an unbreakable bond like a mate. James wanted to keep you. Have you serve him and Victoria. He lied to you, though. He tricked you and used you." Her voice is so sad, but part of me wants to defend James. He did take care of me. He did keep me from dying or starving.

Sitting up, I say, "I wanted to stay with him. He helped me hunt."

"You wanted to stay because he fed your bloodlust and that's what newborns want. But you don't have to hunt humans, Bella. Remember what Edward and Carlisle told you about eating animals? Remember the wolves? The bear? And the lions?"

I nod. Draining the wolves and the bear was good. I liked the lions too. Not like hikers or campers though.

"You can do that again. You can drink from animals whenever you want. You won't be thirsty here, I promise. We don't hurt people. We live with humans and we take care of them. That's how we met you, Bella... when you were a human, Edward kept you safe. We didn't want to hurt you."

"I remember you, Alice."

"You do?"

"Yes, not an actual thing... I just- I just remember that you are kind. You said we were friends?"

"We _are _friends Bella. You are my sister."

"Sister? I have a sister?"

"Yes, two. Me and Rose." The mention of the blonde's name makes me growl a bit. "We are always here. And you have Edward. He is your mate. He worships you like a mate should. And you have Carlisle and Esme who love you. And Emmett and Jasper too, like brothers."

"Charlie?" The name I remember from Edward. He said I had a Charlie who loved me.

"Yes, Charlie. He's your dad. You can't see him right now. But someday, you will. When you're better."

"I want to be better, Alice. I want to be like you. I don't want Edward to abandon me again."

"Oh, Bella." She runs her hand along my cheek and I lean into her touch. "It's good you want to be better. If you want it... then you will be."

"I need to make Edward happy."

"You do make him happy, Bella. He did not abandon you, ever. He's just scared right now. This whole new Bella is a lot to take in. He never wanted this for you."

"He never wanted me."

"No, listen to me, Isabella Marie Swan. He wants _you_, he will _always_ want you. I think he's loved you since the moment he saw you at Forks High. But he did not want you to be a vampire like him since he has hated being this way for nearly a hundred years. He just wanted what was best for you. To protect you."

"Protect?"

"Yes.

"How did I end up with James?"

"He tricked us. We had no idea he had changed you. And while you were with him we couldn't read his thoughts. Edward went after him to kill him and somehow you were changed and bonded to James when he found you."

"James was my maker. He kept me safe."

"No, he didn't. He used you. Don't forget that we are your family, Bella. We will always be your family."

I look deep into her beautiful gold eyes, so similar to Edward's. "I want those eyes, too."

"You do have them, Bella." I need to work on saying things in my head. She walks into the bathroom and brings me a mirror.

When my eyes meet the reflection, I am awed by the flickering glint I find. The hues of yellow and gold, mixed with a fleck of reddish brown here and there are just mesmerizing. I touch the mirror slightly and I hear Alice giggle.

"You are still beautiful." My head snaps to the door. Edward is standing against the jamb. "I think we need to talk, Bella."

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><p><strong>EN- Well, she isn't back to Bella... and Edward certainly has a lot on his mind. What do you think will happen next? Check out the soundtrack for music teaser of Torn 9 and reviews will get a pictease, too!**

**Hugs and Motorboats to my beta Edward's Eternal. And 22blue and Sunshinegal3 are both SAINTS for dealing with this chapter. It was a struggle and you both dealt with it and my so well. Bless you both!**

**Thank you to all of you who are reading and reviewing. I truly appreciate you all!**

**To my dearest Skeezon, I love you. Things will get better!**


	10. Explanations

**A/N- Hi friends. So I have sucked. I do apologize. Crazy life mixed with a very emotional chapter made for a very rough go of it. I do hope I did this justice. More at the bottom.  
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**Soundtrack- tinyurlDOTcom/tornfic The last three songs are the teaser for the next chapter.**

**Disclaimer- I own nothing. Just borrowing.  
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><p><strong>Explanations<strong>

"Edward, tell me about finding Bella. Please?"

My father, for all intents and purposes, has asked me this several times since I carried an unconscious, vampire Bella into the house trailed by a frantic Alice and a very overwhelmed Jasper. Carlisle's face when he saw her was so conflicted; how he immediately took in the smell of blood and how he could see she was caked with dirt wearing nothing more than a small shirt and tattered blue jeans. The same dark jeans she was wearing the day she snuck away from Alice and Jasper to sacrifice herself to James to save her mother and I.

_Please, Edward. Let me in._

"I'm sorry, Carlisle. I am just overwhelmed with everything. I want to fix it all, take all the pain away. God, I wish I could make it so none of this ever happened." I pull at my hair again while staring out of the window of Carlisle's office. He asked me to step out a moment while Esme and Alice got Bella situated downstairs. I had wanted to take her straight to my room, but we had no beds. Rose and Emmett ran out and bought a small bed and brought it back to use until we figured out what else to do. So far there had been no change in Bella. My mind ran back to when I approached her. How she looked as though she knew me, but didn't. It is so hard to explain to anyone, I feel like I know her, but at the same time... I know nothing of who she is now.

Days have passed slowly and painfully, with no real rise in consciousness other than occasional murmur or muscle twitches. All of this pain and it all was preventable.

"Do not blame yourself, son." I look up suddenly, not used to my thoughts being read. "I know you. I know your mind and heart well, Edward, and you could not have prevented this from happening. Alice and Jasper couldn't either. And it's done, what good does it do you to dwell on it now?"

"Carl-" he interrupts my rebuttal.

"No, we won't focus on it. If you want to mentally lash yourself, go do it on your own time. I'm here to save your mate." Immediately my spine stiffens at his words. My mate. My sweet Bella. Does she even exist anymore?

James turned her. He basically made her his slave. He rewarded her in blood and lust and she went along with it. She didn't know any better, I know this, but it doesn't make it any easier to think about. To know his hands were on her, that James and Victoria enjoyed her, toyed with her, used her...

When they spoke to her, it was condescending and always riddled with lies and half-truths. He told her as her maker, he had domain over her. He took the responsibility of being a liaison and turned it into being a keeper, an overlord. She was his property, not his soulmate. And it killed me that I allowed it to happen. With my ignorance and stupidity she was at their mercy. I should've been able to keep her safe, but no, I failed at my one job.

"Edward." Lost in my own thoughts, I'm startled to hear Carlisle's voice. "There is truly nothing that will aid any of us, least of all Bella, with you tying yourself to the whipping post. Right now, let us focus all our energies on how best to help Bella, okay? Let's go see her. Maybe that will calm your ire a bit."

I grumble a bit, not wanting to do anything but kill James again, but I relent as we walk to the room were Bella rests. I start explaining about what I saw. How James was using Bella's newborn haze to manipulate her feelings. How he used negative reinforcement like withholding her feedings if she questioned him, but also how he could be tender when she reacted in fear and was constantly trying to convince her that he was her mate.

"You stayed away from them the entire time while you were watching them interacting?" Carlisle's mind is sifting through thoughts of revenge and jealousy.

"Yes, I knew I couldn't take all three of them on. The way they'd manipulated her, they'd brainwashed her so completely, I knew she'd fight me if I tried to take her by force." My mind drifts back to seeing James touching Bella so intimately, and my fist clenches at the thought. "James and Victoria together are, were, a force to be reckoned with. I didn't want to risk being killed and leaving her with them."

"It took an incredible amount of restraint on your part, Edward. I must say, I'm quite impressed." His smile is warm, but his compliment does nothing for me. "I don't think I could have shown that kind of restraint if it had been Esme. I'm proud of you." His palm cups my shoulder and he squeezes hard enough so that I'll look back at him. "Bella would be proud of you."

As we enter the room, I see Bella there with Esme stroking her hair as best she can with Bella's hair knotted and tangled with debris. I look over and ask, "Will she ever want me again, Carlisle?"

"Give her time, Edward," Esme says with such hope in her eyes, I almost believe her.

"What am I going to do, Esme? I hate seeing her in pain; I hated seeing her with him. God, just thinking about him touching her makes me volatile. It's sickening."

"You have to calm yourself," Carlisle says firmly, very fatherly. "You must keep a level head now, even though she's unconscious. We don't know what she can perceive even in this state."

"I'm trying; it just hurts... so much." Esme practically leaps onto me and even though I saw the hug coming, she still jars me slightly.

"I love you and I know everything will work out. I know this, Edward."

"How can you know? Alice cannot see what's going to happen while she's unconscious. She's making no decisions. What if she wakes up and runs? What if she doesn't wake up?" I cannot control the panic rising in my voice. Just the idea of living without Bella constricts my throat and causes every muscle in my body to lock down.

"I know this, my sweet son, because I have faith in love." She pats my face gently then moves to Carlisle's side. "Love has brought us together and it won't let go. We just have to fight for it."

They leave me with my Bella and my thoughts.

For days, we all keep vigil over Bella. Alice comes to talk to Bella, reading her magazines and having one-sided discussions about fashion. Emmett comes in occasionally to pretend to arm wrestle with her and once I caught him flicking her feet and calling her names. That stopped immediately. I know he's trying to help in his "Emmett way," but he's not helping me in the slightest. Rosalie came once with Emmett, but after her inner monologue started berating Bella for being so stupid to get caught up in all this, she was tossed unceremoniously out on her ass. Her anger and resentment isn't shocking, but I still don't quite understand why she's so venomous.

Jasper is with me often, when I become distraught, he brings me back to even keel. Esme is always around, coming and going, doing whatever she can. She's even taken to bringing Bella a new bouquet of flowers each day. Carlisle checks her progress daily and always asks questions of Bella's time with the nomads, most of which I can't answer.

Days turn into weeks. She occasionally comes to, but never for long. Usually the sound of our voices causes her to slip back into her mental shelter. Carlisle's explanation that her mind is trying to protect itself makes sense. Humans, and apparently vampires, can remain catatonic after traumatic events or injuries for long lengths then can awaken in perfect condition again.

There are a few moments when I feel like all is lost. Like when she asks to be killed. God, hearing Bella say those words was worse than any torture I could possibly imagine. If she awakens again, I will spend the rest of my existence making sure she never utters those words again. And I will not leave until she's awake. I just cannot leave her.

During one long stint of my sitting vigil over Bella, Carlisle comes in, his thoughts on all the things he has tried, all the stimulation that didn't work, even pain didn't cause a stir from her. I surprise him when I don't ask about Bella but instead inquire of James. "Carlisle, why do you think James did this?"

He sits in thought for a long time, his mind recalling facts and experiences from his time after his own transition. He thinks of his time with the Volturi.

"I'm not sure who James' maker was, but I think it may have been a very old vampire who understood the laws of our kind. You said that James told Bella that she had to stay with him." I nod, remembering James' words. "But I think his maker may have skewed the laws. From what you've relayed to me about James' beliefs and behaviors makes me think that he was once someone's pet and maybe that's all he knew of our existence. Kind of like what happened to Jasper when he was first changed." I think of my brother and his struggles to remain without human blood. "He was brought into Maria's army unknowing of any other way. She fed all his lusts and he stayed because she said he had to and because he thought she was his mate. Now we know this was not the case, but at the time, our Jasper knew nothing else. In this case, James had already found Victoria as his mate, but you said he killed her and for one mate to kill another... that just does not make sense at all in our kind. The mating bond is strong enough that when one mate is killed, I've seen another mate willing to commit suicide in order to not live without the other."

My eyes shift away from his, feeling as though he will be able to see inside my head to my contingency plan. What else could they have done? What more could they have done to Bella? My mind questions the situation over and over.

I'm reluctant to go with Carlisle's plan to rouse Bella, but at this point, I'm so at a loss, I follow my family into the garage carrying the love of my life to wait and see.

Watching Bella snap to attention, every piece of her coming alive as soon as the mountain lion is placed in the room near her, is something out of a dream. Her eyes open at the very same moment she leaps off the bed and lands on the cat. Her eyes still a bright, shining onyx, shifting around the room trying to take in her surroundings while she drains the animal completely. She seems to be disoriented and as soon Emmett yelps like an animal in regards to Bella's predation abilities she crouches ready to attack us all.

The second lion is drained just as quickly but Carlisle requests that Jasper lull Bella into a total calm so that she won't react territorially with the animals. Alice requests time with Bella and I immediately counter. "I won't leave her, Alice. I won't. I have to be the one to help her. You know this."

I keep my ground until she says she saw a vision of Bella attacking me out of fear when she rouses again. I see in Alice's mind a painful vision of Bella trying to rip me apart screaming that I killed James and that I wouldn't kill her. Upon seeing that, I run.

I run from the pain. I run from the fear. I run from all the things I can't control.

I decide to hunt, not far from the house, but far enough to alleviate the pain and burden of anyone else's thoughts. Distance has its advantages. No thoughts from Alice about her guilt and wanting to spoil Bella with pretty clothes. No internal quips from Emmett about how hot "Vampella" is. And certainly not Rose's near constant barrage of anger and spite. She's never liked the idea of Bella and an eternity of a vampire Bella is something Rose is not in the least interested in. Frankly, I don't give a damn what she wants.

After a while I get a text from Alice saying that she has been able to convince Bella to take a bath. The vision that pops into my mind of her naked in the large bathroom tub causes me to start running back even before I've fully thought about it.

Carlisle stops me before I head up to see her. He asks me again to be patient with Bella, but before I can respond I hear the commotion of Bella attacking Rosalie. Seeing Bella on top of Rose, pinning her down, nearly going for her throat, startles me and I almost can't speak, but I do. She immediately responds to my demand to stop and crawls to me.

My Bella. My beautiful, independent, stunning, intelligent mate. Crawling. It wrecks me to see her in this submissive state. I have to turn away from her because I feel weak enough to collapse. I stand for a time just trying to process what I saw. Bella had the desire to kill. I could see it in her eyes. But she also wanted to dominate Rose. It was an instinct that is so foreign to the Bella I know, that I knew...

As I stand in our foyer, I hear Carlisle and Esme on the third floor preparing Bella for hunting. I really don't think hunting is a good idea, but I can hear in Carlisle's and Jasper's thoughts that feeding her will help with the aggression.

As she descends the stairs after some cajoling from Esme and Alice, she looks as though the attack on Rosalie never happened. Her thick, dark brown hair curling a bit at the ends, her beautiful body wrapped in a cream sweater and as every detail soaks inside me and I can't help the smile that plays at my lips... my beautiful Bella.

The hunting goes well, until the end. I'm distracted by my conversation with Alice, who is mentioning when to take Bella to see Charlie, a topic I am loath to even broach at this point. I can also hear Esme and Carlisle speaking about Bella and Rosalie. Too many minds at once have overwhelmed me when Bella disappears. She takes off like lightning after something. It takes but a second of focus to hear the young kids playing in a creek about two miles away. We planned ahead and had gone far out away from humans, but these young ones aren't with parents and aren't near a camp.

My focus turns to stopping Bella. Being quicker than the others, I'm able to tackle her, but she's within a mile of them by that point. I have her pressed into the shards of the broken aspen we landed against, both of us covered in sap and wood pieces. She lashes out at me and when I hear her scream about killing the humans and how she has the right to do it, my anger reaches its peak. I restrain her with my entire body until Jasper catches up and begins to calm her. I keep trying to remind her of who she really is, but then she breaks my heart all over again when she screams that she's not my mate.

My world ceases its existence for moments. Nothing moves, nothing sounds, _nothing_. "I am not your mate!" Over and over, the words pound against my mind, ringing in my ears. The worst five words that could possibly be spoken to me. Whether out of anger or fear, it doesn't matter. Her words have shattered me.

"Take her back to the house."

As I watch my father carrying Bella away surrounded by the members of my family, I stand at the damaged tree with nothing but my thoughts, completely shattered. Thinking of how I lost Bella, how I regained a broken version of my soul, how she's still suffering and I cannot fix her. I just want my Bella. I want _her _back.

How can I continue on in a world where Bella wants nothing to do with me? Knowing that she will be in existence for eternity but always out of my grasp, this thought is almost as unbearable as when I thought her destroyed by James. My heart is breaking all over again.

"Edward?" Esme calls to me as I walk back into the house. I've been gone hours- thinking, walking, and running, just being alone. I didn't want to hear anyone's thoughts on what was happening with Bella. As soon as I approached the house, I could hear Alice and Bella talking about how Bella felt like a failure. I cringed at Alice's vision of Bella with her head in her hands. "I can't help it." Her sad voice slices through me.

Carlisle is on the phone with our dear friend Eleazar, one of the oldest vampires Carlisle knows, asking about our situation. I can tell from his inner thoughts, he's recounting all of the events up until today's and Eleazar is speaking about insanity in vampires, he even mentions mental illnesses due to drinking venom tainted blood. My heart clenches at the thought of Bella being permanently damaged.

Esme is sitting in the living room, flipping between a chef preparing elaborate cupcakes to some home improvement show.

_Please, come sit with me._

As I approach her, I see visions in her mind swirling from each member of her family; each partnered up, together and happy. Then her face lands on mine and she frowns.

_I'm worried for you._

"I'm sorry I worry you, Esme. I'm just not sure what to do here. I feel like..." My heart stutters at the thought. "That Bella is no longer my mate." I sigh even without the need, purely from the weight on my heart at expressing my deepest fear.

"No, Edward! She is, I know she is!" Esme exclaims grabbing at my hands. "She is your singer and she is your One. Even though you no longer crave her blood, do you still not feel that tug at your heart?" I nod and she continues. "You were so afraid you'd kill her, do you remember? How terrified you were that you might take away her life... and then you were so afraid if you didn't have the scent of her blood to drive you, you'd no longer want her. But look, see how much you want her. Feel that connection."

"I do feel it, Esme. I just don't know if _she _feels it."

"She's here isn't she? She's so remorseful for what happened on the hunt. When she came around again Jasper had to leave because the sorrow and confusion she felt was too strong. Rose and Emmett took him out. But she's still here without his calming. I think she has stayed because of you." My beautiful mother's eyes are so full of warmth and hope as she speaks. "She has expressed to us that she feels badly for upsetting you. If you were not her mate, I don't think a newborn would care much about disappointing anyone, Edward. You know this."

"So what do I do, Esme?"

"You, my dear son," she brushes her palm across my cheek, "you must remind your Bella of who her mate is and why she loves you and only you. She was tortured so with those disgusting beasts. They confused her and hurt her. You know this. You saw it. But did you think of your own experience and how lucky you were?" Her words make sense. I was very lucky to have Carlisle to lead me. We all were.

"Remember our time with young Jasper. His love for Alice is what helped him overcome is needs as a vampire. Think about how Alice dealt with Jasper's lashing out. Softly, kindly- lead her, Edward. Help her see the connection, feel her need for you. You have to be strong for her and not be weakened by your own fears of rejection. Edward, and remind her of her humanity as well as her love for you. You have to have faith."

"Faith. So much of our lives is up to fate. So much of our world is cruel and unfair, Esme."

"It is. You are very right. I won't deny you _that _unhappiness, my dear. But think of what you _do _get. If you can rise above this self-pity and fear... you will spend the rest of eternity with the one being on the planet that was created for _you_. Destined to be yours. Think about what you will gain, Edward."

She stands then, letting her words sink in, truly an Esme thing to do. The ever present mother. She leans down and kisses the top of my head, then wanders out to her garden thinking of new arrangements to create with her treasured blooms. I slowly make my way up the large staircase, the minds of my family fading in and out of my own frazzled mind. A vision from Alice claims my every being and I stop at the top of the stairs. Bella, frowning as she looks in a mirror. Her eyes flicker between Alice's and the mirror, she seems dismayed by what she sees.

When I walk up to Bella's room, I see her with Alice, and I can tell through Alice's thoughts that Bella is concerned. For herself, for me."You'll always be beautiful," I say without forethought. I cannot help but speak the truth. I need to do something to ease her mind and try to break through the blood lust. "I think we need to talk."

Alice smiles at Bella then at me. As she gets to the door she looks deep into my eyes and thinks about me hugging Bella and soothing her, I can't tell if it's a premonition or a suggestion. I smile and kiss her cheek, then she turns and quietly retreats from the room, her thoughts on her mate's well-being. Just as mine are.

For a long stretch I stand before Bella, mute, just staring at her. I don't know where to begin. When I met her, our courtship, me avoiding her, our evening ritual, my undying love...

She becomes uncomfortable by my eyes on her because she starts to pace. Similar to that of a caged lioness ready for the hunt, she moves languidly back and forth, not using her true speed, just moving her body, an outlet for her anxiety.

"Bella?" I ask, more or less because I just don't know what to expect from her. She stops mid-stride and turns toward me quickly, her body tense and ready.

"Do you want me to leave your coven?" Her voice is tiny. She tries to raise her chin in strength but drops it again when I don't speak right away.

I step toward her wanting to just hold her body to mine, but I stop when I see her muscles clench. "No. I want you to stay with us. With me."

Her eyes meet mine, the gold and red mixed with black. It's strange, but beautiful. She looks again like she's trying to figure out a puzzle and I wish beyond anything that I could read her mind at this moment as she turns her head a bit, in a confused manner.

"What are you thinking, Bella?" I edge a bit closer, within reaching distance, but I stay my hands to keep them at my side.

"I- I'm not sure. There is a lot of thinking at once. I think a lot, a lot of things, all at once." She shifts uncomfortably in front of me and my fingers twitch at the sight. "I see your face in my thoughts. I can see you talking to me, lying with me, being with me. Sometimes in my head you're smiling... but here, now, you are not smiling."

Maybe she is remembering me. "Do you want to stay here, with us?" I move to sit on the bed and she tracks me, not moving a muscle beyond her eyes. I can tell she's absorbing every detail and probably creating escape routes in her mind. It's what most vampires would do in a tense, unfamiliar situation.

By the time I settle myself at the edge of the bed, she's realized I mean no threat so she turns her body completely to mine. "I think I would. I can feel safe here. I want to be here. I don't know why..." her voice trails off at the end.

"I know you don't feel comfortable... we all have been where you are now." Her stare does not waiver as she takes me in, creating a picture of me in her mind, deciding if I mean to be threatening. "You are sensing more than you've ever been able to see and hear and feel. Your mind is registering birds miles away and movement downstairs and voices from other rooms. You are processing so much, but it's okay... it's okay to be scared, Bella."

"You call me, Bella. Why?" Her face has tensed.

"That's what you asked me to call you when we met." I finish and wait, wanting her to lead the conversation. I hope she remembers some of her former life. "When you came to Forks, where we live, I wanted nothing more than to know you, so I asked you every question I could. You told me you preferred being called Bella to your full name." I smile at the memory of our first conversation in that science lab, me trying so hard to resist her incredible scent, trying to hang on to my control surrounded by temptation.

"I was called Isabella. J- James, Victoria, Laurent, they called me Isabella." I hate the way their names roll off her tongue.

"Your parents named you Isabella Marie Swan, _Charles and Renee Swan_ named _you_, their only child, Isabella. But you don't like being called that, by _anyone_." I may have said that last part too tersely. I just need her to know her life before James got a hold of her.

"Bella…" she tests the name and I see a hint of an upward curve playing at her lips. Her eyes never leave mine as she contemplates my information. "James made me... like you." The thought causes me to clench my fist and of course she sees and hears my body rejecting her information. She leans back away from me. "You don't like me. Maybe I _should _leave." She backs toward the door a few steps, still with her eyes locked to mine.

"No, it's not you. I more than like you." I stand but when she moves quicker to the door, I sit again and try to calm myself. "I care deeply for you, Bella. I just don't like hearing about your… maker." The word gets caught in my throat, sticking like tar against my tonsils. I never wanted to be her maker, yet the thought of him creating her new life causes me to burn with jealousy.

"I don't want to upset you or anyone else." She looks almost like her human self at this moment, so unsure, but also stubborn. "Alice says he was her maker, too, but that he was not her mate." I nod and she continues. "Jasper is her mate, but not her maker and she said that you, we, vampires don't submit to their mate, you are partners... that Jasper is her partner." I nod again, not sure if I should tell her about us or not.

As she continues, she paces the room again, her voice is hesitant and quiet, "I'm not sure what I want. I don't know how to feel. I feel it all at once, scared, mad, thirsty, thrilled, everything. The world is so overwhelming. Everything I do is wrong and I feel very alone." She curls into herself as she sits near the window a hand braced against the wall, looking out to the back of the property. I know she's a strong, muscular predator like me, but here, in her room, on the floor... she looks fragile. More fragile even than when she was human.

"Bella, I know it's a lot, but we're here to help you. I'm here. I was a newborn too and you will get better, it will get easier. I promise you. I won't leave you."

"But why are you here? I don't belong to you. Why do you want me? To use me like James did? Alice said he used me, but he kept me safe, he gave me blood, he gave me what I wanted."

"Enough with James already, Bella! He's gone!" She flinches away, pressing herself down into a crouch, but I continue, unable to control my feelings. "He is gone. I killed him to protect you. And I would do it again in an instant! He was slowly turning you in to a monster. A sick, feral, disgusting murderer, just like him and his mate. Victoria was his mate, even as fucked up as they were," I can see her rising a bit, keeping her eyes locked to me in preparation. "They were mates, _not _you. You were not and never were James' mate! He did use you! Sure he fed you, sure, he kept you placated..." I continue to move about the room trying to release the tension forming at the thoughts of what he did to her and how he treated my mate. "But no, he was not your mate and he was not protecting you. That is my job!"

"Did- did you protect me from James?" Her soft spoken words are like a slap in the face. My inner demons were all roaring at that very moment. I don't know if she knows exactly what she just asked, whether an accusation or not but it kills me.

"No. I didn't protect you from him. I should have, but I failed you." I hang my head and hear the disappointed thoughts of my family who can hear us speaking. They wanted me to remind her of who we were and how we came to be us, but instead I've lashed out at her.

"I'm sorry, Bella." Again I move toward her where she's sitting on the floor propped against the wall, but when she growls and bares her teeth and I stop in my tracks. "I know I should have done better." In so many ways, I should _be _doing better. "I loved you from the moment I saw you and I have always fought making you one of us and letting you live a long and happy life." Her body is coiling with tension. I hear the wall where she's holding begin to crack under the pressure of her hand. Her face looks pained.

Her eyes are locked on mine and I know her calm exterior, her unmoving body belies a vicious animal waiting to strike. "I always wanted you to be allowed to live your life. You deserved a life. Not a life sentence." I can't help the jerky movements of my hands as I gesture while spitting out all these words that have been racking my brain for months. "James didn't give you a choice and that was one thing I always wanted you to have. You gave yourself to him to save your family! I never knew until I went to avenge your death and found you with them. I never would've chosen for you to be like this," I say, gesturing to myself as I pace the room taking on her lion-like wandering, feeling more than just trapped by the walls around us.

Immediately, I know I've said too much, feeling Bella leap from where she was crouched and now standing directly in front of me. "You didn't want me like this..." she hisses looking every bit the monster I never wanted her to become.

"No!" I shout, "How could I sentence you to this hell... to live forever, but to always want to kill. It's not a life, not for someone as good as you were, Bella."

"As I was..." She looks even more agitated, her eyes flicker to the door then back to me. She's deciding, fight or flight. Better sense tells me to calm the situation, but at this moment, I'm angry and I'm hurt, and above all, I feel cheated.

"When I met you, Bella... you were kind, caring, selfless... now you want to murder innocent children for sport! No! _This_ is not what I wanted! I just want _my _Bella back! Not the monster James created to punish me and satisfy himself." I'm interrupted mid-thought by a barrage of fleeting thoughts from my family. Alice is singing the Battle Hymn of the Republic in German and Emmett is doing Geometry. Something is up.

In the next moment, Emmett is standing in the room with this idiotic grin and telling me to "Shut it, bro." When I protest, I get a glimpse of what he has planned and my anxiety shoots through the roof. "No, Emmett. Absolutely not! This is not a game."

Bella is alarmed, eyes wide, crouched in the corner nearest the bed with a look mixed with fear and anger, her eyes darting between Emmett and me, a snarl forming upon her perfect red mouth. Knowing I caused this fear tears me up and I just back away from her.

_We have to do something to give her back her control, her confidence. _Emmett's thoughts make sense, but I don't want to hear them. _What you're doing is _obviously_ not helping!_

His voice in my head makes my stomach roil. If I ate, I would throw up.

Hearing Alice from the hall only causes my anger to rise. It seems they're all against me. _Let us try. _

Trying something sick and twisted and probably hopeless like this, to toy with Bella, just to try... what good will that do any of us?

_It might just work, Edward._ Carlisle shows himself standing by the door.

"Yeah, and it might just be the destruction of Bella forever. And me."

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><p><strong>EN- This was a hard one for me. Feeling Edward's pain was a lot to handle. I hope I did his mind and heart justice. Please let me know what you think. I'm trying very hard to show that life can't be perfect as a vampire, especially as a newborn, or the mat of that newborn. Stick with me, folks.  
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**If you are interested in recs, please follow me on twitter at theraingirl4- if you aren't 18 or older, don't. I also post teasers on my tumblr, it's attached to my twitter, if you're so inclined.  
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**To whomever nominated my one shots: Unsportsmanlike Conduct and Extraordinary Girl for Single Shot Awards, thank you so very much.  
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**And last, but certainly not least, if it weren't for 22blue, EdwardsEternal, and Sunshinegal3, this chapter wouldn't have happened. Each of them help me so much, they mean the world to me.  
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	11. Experimentation

**A/N- I'm sorry this took so long. Thank you so much to all of you who have left me love on twitter and in your reviews. It means a lot. My mom is out of the hospital now and resting. Hopefully, it's downhill now. Life is still hectic and stressful, but I will try to post again soon. I know this should be Bella's POV, but Edward really wanted to tell it and it just felt right. I hope you'll enjoy!**

**Sending all my love to my betas- EdwardsEternal, 22Blue, and Sunshinegal3. Without these ladies I'd be lost. They give me so much.**

**Soundtrack- ****tinyurlDOTcomSLASHtornfic**** (The last three songs are the teaser)**

**Disclaimer- I own nothing but a flooded street and an almost read ARC of Forever by Maggie Stiefvater. TheSMeyer owns everything you recognize, although if you look hard, you might see some BDB too. Extra credit to anyone who finds it!**

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><p><strong>Experimentation<strong>

"Listen here, lil' hellcat... you throw that tree further than me and I'll let you hunt a human, deal?"

"You- you'll let me feed? On a human?" Her eyes catch mine as she asks.

"No, Emmett." I growl out at him. Then I see in his thoughts his plan... the scientist in me is intrigued and even if Emmett says she can feed from a human, that doesn't mean the rest of us have to let her. I look to Carlisle and I see Alice whispering to him; her mind is filled with a smiling Bella. He looks back at me and nods.

Emmett sees and yelps in glee. "Alright Belly, here's the plan. I'll throw this and you try to beat my toss. You beat me, I'll take you to feed. You don't and you have to do whatever I tell you, the rest of the day. Got a deal?" She hesitantly shakes his hand. Her nervous tension shows me that she knows that what he's promising doesn't make sense.

As Esme calmly points out two trees of equal size that she's looking to rid the garden of, I notice that Bella orients herself so she's facing me, even when she's listening. I'm interested in her body language since I can't read her thoughts. It's frustrating how she sometimes seems like she recognizes and trusts me, then other times she's lost and distant.

Emmett goes to one of the trees, easily uprooting it from the ground. It must be at least a hundred years old but he hefts it without issue. When he lobs it, the tree becomes somewhat of a torpedo and soars through the air, across the river at the back of the property and lands in a heap with a large rumble at least a mile away. Jasper stays behind as Rose and Alice go to where it's landed as our official judges. I'm still hesitant about this entire endeavour, but my family, as it seems through their thoughts, are all eager to put Bella to the test. They all know she'll pass with flying colors. I feel as though I'm the only person in fear of a negative outcome. Carlisle is busy concentrating on Bella's movements and thinking forward to her next test.

Rose calls Esme's cell and says it's landed roughly one mile and about one hundred yards away.

"Best that, little sister," Emmett taunts. His smile, though, is reassuring her. Rather than getting a threatened tension, she looks... amused? She has a hint of a smile playing at her lips. Her body still angled to mine, she glances at me and grins angelically. She then goes to the other tree that Esme pointed out.

Jasper leans into me asking me to read him. His mind is filled with happiness and I can tell he's feeling Bella's contentment even as Emmett continues to tease her by saying, "You'll never make it."

Bella sizes up the tree for mere moments then rips it up like it weighs nothing. Her new-found strength surprises her with delight as she smiles as she holds the tree above her head. The scents of freshly turned dirt and old leaves permeate the air and I can tell by the flare of her nostrils that the scents are overwhelming her. She might not be able to throw it far at all since she's so dazed. But then she rears back and the tree goes soaring. Narrowly missing Rose, her tree sails past the girls and lands at least another two hundred yards past Emmett's.

"Oh fuck," I hear Emmett mumble.

Emmett didn't think she'd be able to out distance him and he was looking forward to his over-stimulation therapy. His brilliant plan of "if you're around it long enough, you won't want it." Now his mind is processing another way to help Bella. All his ideas make me cringe in discomfort. I can hear Alice laughing and Rose complaining that she'll be hearing from him about how Bella cheated for years.

"I get to hunt now?" Bella asks innocently but with hesitation, her eyes wide and soft. Seemingly like a child asking for a cookie instead of supper. If I didn't know differently, I'd think of her just as the sweet innocent she once was.

"Sure," Emmett says as he looks from Carlisle to Jasper, to me. "Sure, you do. Let's go, little one."

"You're good to me," I hear Bella say. Emmett smiles at her and he puts an arm around her. I have to check my jealousy at seeing their intimacy. She can see Emmett is no threat and he's been nothing but kind to her since the moment she came back to us. He's proven he's not a threat. I, on the other hand, have not.

"I'll always be good to you, Belly. Always." We all congregate behind them as he walks with her down to the river. "We'll follow the river. There's a campground for locals about two miles away, okay?"

We all follow as Bella gracefully traverses the landscape that would cause most SUVs to cry. She seems to enjoy running and when she leaps, she looks so elegant, breathtaking. I find myself keeping my eyes locked to her backside as she runs, even with my moral compass telling me to refrain, I cannot. Twice she looks behind her as she's running, locking eyes with mine. The pull toward her is immense, like an invisible chain from my heart to hers.

We stay close by as they approach the camping area and Bella smells the human. Her body immediately lengthens as she readies for the attack. Emmett's hands are firm on her arms, his strength being the only among us that can singly match the newborn's.

She clenches up at his touch but she listens intently to his instructions. "Before you can feed. You must stand near him... not touching him, not making a sound. You have to stand near him and see him. Then tell me what you think and feel. Then we'll talk dinner, true?"

She nods tentatively, so much like a timid child afraid of scolding. I study a leaf in her hair, small and bright green, and my fingers twitch at the thought of running my fingers through her long, shining tresses. I watch with fascination and fear as she moves closer, Emmett still holding firm to her arms. I see what Emmett sees in his head and I can tell the moment Bella sees him because her whole body tightens.

I see through Emmett, Charlie Swan sitting in a campground alone. Fishing poles against a log, beer in his hand, sad emotions flickering through his mind. He misses her so much. He had been searching for so long, blaming me, blaming her mother. He looked everywhere in Washington it seems and he had sheriffs check in at Renee's but nothing could tell anyone where Bella had disappeared to.

The why was simple. _Me_. He loathed me because if we hadn't "broken up" then she wouldn't have run. I hate myself for causing Charlie pain. I would give nearly anything to give him back his daughter. _Nearly _anything.

Focusing back on Emmett's thoughts of Bella, I start to rethink this idea, but then I realize that Bella isn't fighting Emmett. She's standing stock-still, her gaze locked on Charlie. Emmett looks at Bella and I can see her eyes tighten, taking in every molecule around her. I can tell she's nervous and concerned. Her face is pinched with tension, confusion... but not bloodlust; well not all bloodlust. She is thirsty; I can see that in the way she keeps swallowing. I know what she's feeling... the venom trickling down the back of her throat, pooling at the bottom of her mouth, begging her attention with each second she looks at a potential meal. But she's not lunging or whining or trying to pull away from Emmett at all even though there is a perfectly good meal less than a hundred yards from her. I can even smell the warm blood pounding slowly through his veins, muddied by the alcohol he's drinking.

My usually boisterous brother is near silent when he asks, "Well, little sister?"

"Charlie?" Her voice is barely a whisper, but we all hear her anguish. I want to run to her, hold her tight in my arms and promise her that nothing will ever hurt her or take her family from her again, but I stay still, shoulder to shoulder with Carlisle. His mind is flooded with information. Bella's recognition, her control... all of it pleases him beyond measure. It hurts me that she instantly recognizes her father. It shouldn't. She recognized me, but she still ran from me.

Emmett takes in how her shoulders hunch forward, not in attack, but in sadness. He wraps an arm around her but she flinches slightly away. Alice and Esme reach for her and she turns to them, still firmly ensconced by Emmett's arms.

"She won't hurt him, Em." Alice comforts Emmett whose mind is running at full speed. He nods and steps back to allow Bella to pass with the girls and walk back toward the house.

"He won't like who I am?"

"He won't understand what you are, Bella." Alice's voice is so calming. I can tell Jasper is working his magic as well because the muscles in my body begin to unfurl. "We just need to be patient. Someday, soon, you'll be able to be around him and you can be his daughter again. I promise."

Esme stays with them and flanks Bella. "It will get easier. It will."

I watch as Rose runs with Emmett ahead of us. Even though we could all run back to the house in a matter of minutes, the rest of us walk quietly with Bella back toward the house.

After a few minutes of walking I state flatly, "Bella needs to feed." Everyone turns and Bella looks confused. "Jasper can sense your feelings. You are feeling tense and uncomfortable because of your hunger." Bella nods almost like she's not truly shocked by this. She heard it once before and maybe that memory is resurfacing. "We all have talents. You probably do, too." Her only acknowledgement is a small nod.

"I'm thirsty." Her voice is shaky. I hate that she's fearful of her own needs and reactions.

"We'll talk more later. Let's find something to drink." I lead the group northward until we come across a large migrating herd of Elk. Everyone has at least one. I find myself standing in awe after just one buck, watching Bella fell one after another of the young males. Her hair moves behind her like an auburn veil, her skin glittering in the sunlight waning to the west. She looks ethereal and I can't bring myself to do anything but appreciate her incredible beauty. Once she's had her fill, looking almost like a water-logged doll, she walks to where I am but still near Esme and Alice who are together speaking. They both put their hands around her for a mini-group hug. It makes me smile despite all the trepidations and fear swirling inside me. I follow behind as my family returns home.

Alice thinks about helping Bella relax and suggests she take another bath. I laugh when Bella says she feels like she smells of trees. She does, but I personally don't think it's a bad smell in the least. When my mental filter fails and I say this out loud, I revel in the smile I see play along her plump lips.

Bella says she likes the bubbles and I can't help my grin thinking about how she used to take a lot of baths. One of her favorite "human moments" and it's comforting to know that pleasure hasn't been lost.

I follow Jasper up to his room that he shares with Alice and ask if he will talk with me.

"I know I've seen your memories from before, from when you worked for Maria, when she was your maker." I can see him physically tense at the sound of her name. "Would you please tell me more though? Tell me how I can help Bella?"

He agrees. Sitting with rapt attention, he describes to me how even when he was convinced Maria was his mate as well as his maker, he didn't like what he was doing. My thoughts drift to Bella and if she knew she was wrong to murder those people.

Jasper continues; solemnly speaking of how he liked the fight, he liked being a soldier as he was before the change, but he hated creating newborns then killing them. Describing how he escaped Maria and how it did hurt to be separated at first. When he was desperate and afraid, he contemplated returning to that life, but that he would rather be alone wandering, than kill another vampire who didn't do anything to deserve a death sentence. His years alone were painful, but he did what he needed to survive, similar to my time alone, feeding off of the dregs of society rather than innocents.

Then the universe ceased to exist save for a little brunette vampire. I can see her in his mind, that first moment she approached him. Her vision of their future so sure and her words so commanding, he felt like he had to do her bidding. Not the way Maria had commanded him, he was willing this time. He wanted to serve Alice and make her happy. He was truly mated. Rather than dreading any impudence to bring Maria's wrath, he lived to create a smile on Alice's pink mouth or hear her tinkling laugh. I can see in my mind their intimacy, much softer and kinder than that of his and Maria's. My heart warms at the thought of Bella and I creating a bond such as Alice's and Jasper's.

"She created a new me." Jasper's voice is calm, but determined, his thoughts focusing on his girl. "One I wanted to be. One I was proud to be. I will spend every day of my life trying to be better for her. Even if I meet perfection, it won't be perfect enough in my eyes because Alice deserves nothing less than everything." His words give me pause. It's exactly the way I felt about Bella before she changed. Do I still feel that way? Does she? I've seen her remember me, our connection, but then it disappears beneath the muck of newborn desires.

"Nearly. James _nearly_ created a massive clusterfuck out of her. They both messed with her head like you have no idea. She's like a feral fucking cat waiting to destroy something, but she's not gone!" His anger is evident in his tone and the images of his own time as a newborn. "That monster is gone and she's _here_, god damn it! Stop acting like the world owes you a favor, Edward. Don't think that just because Alice and I are happy now, that we didn't have our share of problems. You saw me. I struggled like Bella is now. It was hard, it was scary, but when I look at my wife, I know it was all worth it. I'd go through all the pain and misery again if it gave me Alice each time."

My thoughts are interrupted when Alice comes into the room. "Edward, I think you should go talk with Bella." Jasper stands and meets Alice at the door, both looking at me with angry pity.

I look at her with confusion, but her thoughts calm me. She shares a vision of me sitting with Bella on the large bed I brought for her. She shows us sitting together holding hands, me rubbing my thumbs along her skin, and of Bella smiling at me as we speak. I quickly stand, nodding to her then Jasper and make my way to my room and Bella.

"Bella?" Pushing the bathroom door open, immediately the sight of her sitting in the bath is just that of my thoughts from before. It's as if she's recreated my vision. My body clenches every muscle involuntarily and she must sense it because she immediately looks down.

"Alice asked me to come see how you were. She said you've been sitting in here a while?" This is true, my sister came to me after I'd heard her mention to Bella that taking a bath would ease her nerves and keep her calm. "Are you ready to get out?"

Without hesitation Bella stands and I immediately look away out of modesty. Hundred year old habits are hard to break.

"Uh, towel," I whisper, not trusting my voice.

Reaching to the towel rack, I pull a towel off into both hands and walk toward her trying to keep my eyes down. I fail. I cannot help when I see her small toes on the bright white mat, my gaze travels up her pale, toned legs and then my body reacts and I have to physically take a step back in order to keep from pouncing her. After a breath I wrap my arms around her using the soft terry cloth as a boundary line and I can feel her body relax into mine. Home.

My voice is a bit deeper when I try to laugh and say, "We need to get you dry and dressed. You're all wet, love."

Her stare becomes vacant, almost as if someone has changed the channel on her mind. I can see her drift away in her head.

"Bella?" I ask leaning myself away from her.

"Do you like me wet, Edward?" As she questions me I take a step back. Her voice is meek and I don't like it. She's looking at me but I don't think she's really seeing me. I step back from her and try to assess what's happening.

"What?" I ask with near panic. She's still standing there, barely holding the towel to her body.

"James liked when I was wet. Do you want me wet, too?" I clear my throat and shift my eyes around the room, refusing to look on her, wet or not. I know I want her. I would love to take her right now, but not like this, not when she isn't herself. Something I said or did triggered her to go back to her time with him. I have to figure out how to stop the regression.

Suddenly, she drops the towel and steps closer. Her body swaying delicately, the line of her hips smooth and curved, her firm chest perfectly aligned, every bone and muscle perfection.

"Whatever you'd like, I'll do. I will submit, Edward. I promise. I submit to you."

"I- you don't- I'm not- fuck." My voice is strained but rather than deepening with the lust that's pounding south through my body, it's actually gotten higher with the shock of her actions. Why would she want to submit to me?

Stepping closer, her gaze never leaving mine, I step back and away. She becomes irritated that I'm walking away, but I'm truly not able to trust myself. I need to keep my distance so I don't lose my control.

She steps ever closer and now my back is against the wall across from the tub. She reaches forward. Suddenly she drops her eyes and then drags her palm down the front of my pants. I hold my breath trying with every fiber of my being to not return the favor. I need to remain calm and not take advantage of her. She's obviously remembering how she was treated. Just the thought of her feeling the need to pay me back or submit somehow sickens me and I try to slide along the wall away from her. I'm afraid to touch her at this moment because if I feel the smooth, soft skin against mine- _God, I have to stop thinking about it!_

She strokes me harder, but slowly, essentially ending my flight with her one hand. I can't help when my eyes tightly close because of the pleasure. I tense up, trying so hard not to enjoy what she's doing, but I am failing.

"Edward. I submit." Before I can speak to refute her, she continues, "My body is telling me to make you happy. Every molecule within me wants to make you happy, make you groan my name and create a smile on your beautiful face because of my actions. I want to do everything in my power to please you for as long as I can. Please let me-"

"No, Bella." My voice is harsher than I'd wanted.

She quickly sits back on her heels. "No?" Her eyes pleading, her voice nearly cracking.

I back myself toward the door and whisper, "I'm sorry." Then I tear from the room as though it were on fire. In a way it was. If I had stayed any longer I would have burned. More so than I do now, fleeing out of the bedroom as fast as my body will carry me. As far away from the Bella I don't know, the Bella I want to take with every piece of me, the Bella that taunts and tempts me with everything she does. I just cannot handle this.

Just before I make it to the front door I hear Alice, "Oh, Bella. Let's get you dried off." Her voice is as calming as usual, but something else hangs in the air of her words. Sadness. Defeat. Her mind is closed to me, she's not thinking about Bella getting dried, she's picturing Bella with her father from before. Her sadness permeates the air, nearly choking the life out of me.

The despair stops me, my hand on the doorknob. _Running yet again._ I hear Rose think as she ascends the stairs.

"I don't know what else to do, Rose."

"Bullshit," she spits at me as she walks toward me. "You know what you need to do, you're just a coward."

"I am no coward!" I yell as I get in her face. "You don't know what this is like!"

Her face never showing her anger, I see in her mind all the images of when Emmett was changed after the bear attack.

"I watched the man I love writhe for days because I couldn't let him die. Because I was too selfish to let him slip away. Trust me. I know what you are feeling. But you're lucky, you didn't have to watch her body die." I'm about to throw her across the room for comparing Emmett to Bella but she continues to push toward me, nose to nose with me. "You were spared that mess, but now you see the battle inside her mind and in her soul. She's fighting a battle for her humanity, Edward." Finally my back is against the wall, Rose isn't relenting. "And you running away like a scared child does nothing._ Nothing." _Her voice is angry, but her face is still the picture of perfection.

She takes a breath she doesn't need then continues in a softer tone. One I'm not used to from irate Rosalie. "She is your mate. Your _One_. Your Singer. You are _beyond _lucky that you didn't kill her when she was just a naive, little human following you around like a stupid puppy." I make to say something but she stops me with a commanding, "Shut up! I'm not finished." I try to stand straighter, but she is still taller than me and her mind is flipping through images of how Bella was, riveting me to the wall by my own pain. "Now you've been given the gift of having your perfect match with you for eternity and you'll let a little blip like that piece of dirt James ruin it all?"

I chuckle darkly. _Little blip._ "He nearly destroyed her."

"Yes, it sucks... it really fucking sucks that Bella's screwed up. But no, you still get to have the girl. You could live happily-ever-fucking-after... if you _really _want her."

_If I really want her._

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><p><strong>EN- Does Edward really want her? What will he do? She knows him, she loves him, but she's not the Bella he once knew. What do you think he'll do? What would you like him to do?**

**I'll post as soon as I can, I promise!**

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**Thank you again for your support. Love and Hugs!**


	12. Revelation

**A/N- I dedicate this chapter to my girl SuperstarNanna. Today is her birthday and I am super proud of the fact that she's my friend.**

**Disclaimer- I own nothing but some plane tickets to Denver to see BD with my Denver girls including SsN! eeeee!  
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**Soundtrack- Remember the last three are the teaser for the next installment ****tinyurlDOTcom/ tornfic**

**Let's get down to it shall we? More at the bottom!  
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><p><strong>Revelation<strong>

"I'm sorry."

His voice, smooth but sad, echoed around me in the bathroom.

What had I done wrong? James appreciated my submission, rewarded me whenever I behaved as I should... Edward rejected me.

As I think back, I sit on the soft as feathers bed in the center of the room, wrapped in layers of fluffy towels. I feel like the voices never turn off. I can hear everyone speaking in the house on top of all the sounds outside. I'm often the subject of their discussions.

Alice is flitting around like a hummingbird going through bags and drawers. I think back on what transpired in the bathroom as I look on with wonder at Alice's precise movements. What did I do wrong? The question keeps pounding at my mind, but no answer has formed other than I must be mistaken as to what these feelings mean. My body tells me to make him happy, but he obviously does not want that.

Alice lays out some clothing for me, but when I try to put on the delicate silky blouse, I move too roughly and rip it. She pats my arm kindly; I don't even flinch. She does not yell as Victoria did when I tore her lucky green shirt. Alice merely laughs and says she has another one even more flattering for me. All the while she's dressing me, she's reassuring me. It's as if she can see that I'd like to leave, and she's trying to convince me to stay. She tells me about some of the things that they do such as shopping in other countries, hunting in the Arctic, seeing every part of the world. She makes it all sound so easy, so possible.

"Give this a chance, Bella. Give us all a chance. Especially Edward." My eyes meet hers.

"He doesn't want me," I interrupt her. She keeps talking about love and mates and belonging. I was a belonging of James', and he always wanted me.

"He does. You have to give him a chance, give yourself a chance." Her voice is stern. "Remember what I said about how we all were like you at one time? It's not easy for one of us to watch our mate be in pain, emotional or physical."

"I want to make Edward happy." My mind flutters to thoughts of him walking away, to him helping me after James died, and then I see us sitting together in a field of green. "I did make him happy once..." My words drift off as my mind flickers through images like a slideshow going too fast.

Alice's hand rests on my arm. "I know this will get better. You are meant to be together. You were made for him, and him for you."

I bow my head and ask, "Can I be alone please?"

Not looking up from my foreign pale hands, I hear the door click closed. Sitting for longer than I care to think about, I replay what has happened since I woke up in that shack and Laurent found me.

_A vampire._

Emmett confused me with his teasing nature and at first I truly thought he was trying to trick me by letting me have a human. Now I know this was a test. Emmett was feeling very accomplished by my succeeding in his examination against eating a human and throwing trees. He is a confusing one. I'm still not completely sure of what exactly I did to please everyone so much in the woods, but I know I'd like to see that man again.

That man in the woods, he is part of me. I could feel it. Not like the needing pull toward Edward, but something different. He was my father. Even now, remembering it, I can feel the venom pool in my mouth. I could smell his blood. I wanted it. I wanted to drain him, but there was an even larger part of me that wanted to hold him close to me. How Esme, Alice, and Emmett had all held me. I wanted this man, Charlie, to hold me like that as well. He was a part of me.

"Don't be sad." I didn't hear Jasper come in, even with this obnoxious super sonic hearing. The southern soft spoken man standing in front of me doesn't make me feel on edge though, as he did when I first met him. I actually feel calmed by his presence.

"How did you know I was sad?"

"I'm good at telling how people feel. Remember about those talents we can have?" I nod. "This is mine." Suddenly I feel a wave of elation course through me, so much so I have to stand from my place on the bed, the smile on my lips nearly painful.

"You- you just- what did you do to me..." My mind can't wrap around it. I try to be concerned, but I can't muster the emotion.

"I can push out feelings and I feel what others feel if I concentrate on them or they're very strong. And when I came in, your sadness was palpable. I hate the idea of you being so sad, Bella."

Still looking on in confusion, he walks to the edge of my bed and sits down. I can't help but want to sit near him so I do and he continues, "I was like you once. I know the others have told you, but I wanted to come speak to you myself."

"You were mated to someone else Alice said. When you were made into a... made to what you are now?" Saying it makes it more real and right now, I don't want real. Not focusing on the situation seems easier.

"Yes, I was made, like you, by someone who pretended to be my mate. Maria was actually mated to Lucy, but she wanted to use me and my abilities as a soldier. Maria and Lucy and Lucy's sister, Nettie, they weren't good people, or vampires for that matter." His eyes are so earnest and I want to know more. "They wanted to hurt humans, like James and Victoria did... they didn't care about the pain that humans go through or the emotions, the fear, anything like that when you attack them." My eyes shift down when he mentions the pain. _I hurt people._His hands brush mine softly, to regain my attention. "I felt it all because of my "gift", as Carlisle calls it. And when I would make newborns for her army, I could feel their fear and pain, the same with when she had me kill them when she was finished using them during her battles." My mind is swimming with the thoughts of Jasper killing humans and newborns.

He continues describing how he got away from Maria. How he wanted more, wanted a different life. His words surround me, "Knowin' what everyone is feeling makes it very hard to be a killer, but it didn't make the feelings go away." The corner of his mouth turns up in a rueful grin. I can't imagine. Tracing the grain in the wood at my feet, I refuse to look up for a long time.

"I liked drinking from humans. I'm a bad... I'm bad. I like their blood. I'm like Maria and James."

"Now, see here, that's where you're wrong." My eyes meet his has he stands and turns to face me. Picking up my hands, he holds them firmly in his. "You, you are not bad. When I met you, I could always feel kind, happy thoughts. Even when we made you nervous the first time you met us, it wasn't because you were afraid of the house of monsters, you were afraid we wouldn't like you. You've never just been a human. Edward felt a connection to you because he's your true mate, but the rest of us felt something, too." He tugs me up and I stand in front of him as he stares down, his bright eyes shining with honesty. "You are the missin' piece of the puzzle, Bella."

"I'm a mess."

"That you are, but who isn't?"

"I don't know if I can be- be, um..." I gesture to him at a loss for words.

"Vegetarian." I can't help but laugh with him.

"Yeah, that. I don't know if I want that life. Blood is good." My mouth fills with venom, but just as the lust pushes its way forward a calming surge pushes it back down. I look over at Jasper and he just grins.

"That it is, but you can do it. I do it. All of us have done it. And I'm not sayin' I'm a model vampire. Far from it. Every time I'm away from humans for a long while, then we come back and assimilate, it's hell. Pure hell. The feelings that push into my body, the desire to rip some pitiful little creature open and drink it dry always comes back."

"You aren't helping my situation." I glare at him and he runs his hands through his blond curls and apologizes. A bird from outside causes my attentions to flicker to the window, a glint of sun still drifting inside. The desire to feed lessens.

"It's not that you stop wanting blood. We still drink from animals, but you do rise above it. Having Alice... her pure love for me, her desire to be with me, that's what keeps me on the straight and narrow. I'm sure I'd fall off the wagon if it was just me and the guys... each of us are nothing without our mates."

"Alice keeps you a vegetarian? She makes you do it?" I'm still so confused about what it is that they do.

"No, she makes me want to be with her, to be better. That keeps me from killing. She's a good influence on me." His smile returns yet again, but the love for his mate envelops me. "Accidents happen. I'm not perfect. We've all made mistakes. I've done things I wish I hadn't; I think we all do. We all have stories. Even Alice, Carlisle, and Esme have killed." He looks sad for a moment but then a hint of a smile tugs at his lips as he shakes his head. "You should hear some of Rosalie's. They're scarier than some R rated movies."

"I don't think she'll share anything with me." I try to maintain focus on Jasper, but my eyes move along the wood again. "She doesn't like me inhabiting the same air as her."

"Aw, don't you take her seriously. Think of her like a nasty little doggy that's been beaten. It will snap at anything after all that. Ya gotta let her warm up to you. Inside she's just a sweet lil' lap dog. She's just been through a real screwed up life."

"Someone hurt her?"

He shakes his head. "Not my story to tell." He's not stern, but I feel scolded. I chance a look at him again and he smiles softly and touches my face. "We all have demons, though."

"Even Edward?"

"Again, not my story, but yes. You can ask everyone in this family. We'll all tell you about how we were not angels, and we are not angels now. It's part of being a newborn. You did things that aren't good, that Edward is against, that we are wanting to keep you from doing again... but we don't stop loving you because you fuck up, Bella. We're family." Jasper dips his head and presses a kiss to my forehead. A soothing wave rushes over me, burning brightly behind my closed eyes. Shimmers of orange and blues, swirling together behind my eyelids. They flutter open in time to see him smile warmly then turn and walk out.

My mood sinks thinking about how I tried to kill little children. How I drank from men with families and young people with futures. How I would do it again if there was a warm, fleshy body with a pulse standing in front of me at this moment. Again, my mind and body war against each other.

Edward _was _proud of me, I could tell. He seemed very light as we made our way home after I saw my father. I can hear conversations throughout the house. I haven't quite gotten the hang of tuning people out, but Esme said it will come with practice and time. I feel like I have to practice everything. Nothing comes easy. I try to think, but it's all hazy and diluted. I try to remember a time when I didn't want blood, but it's just tiny glimpses like looking through a steamed up window. I just want something... something that's mine. Needing to prove myself, to do something independently, I stand to leave, but I'm met at the door.

"Bella." His beautiful hair glinting in the light distracts me, but his voice brings me back, "I'm sorry."

"Sorry?" He has nothing to apologize for. How is his hair so shiny? His breath is sweet and it stills the frenetic thoughts running through my mind.

"Can we talk?"

"I- I don't..." Not really sure how to say what I feel, I let my words drop off. It's as though I feel caged, but there are no bars. I don't want to sit within these walls anymore; I'm not used to all the shiny surfaces and concrete. "Do- do we have to stay here?"

He shakes his head and leads me down the stairs and to the backyard. As we pass Rosalie and Emmett, I'm not sure if I'm seeing things, but it seems almost as if Rosalie smiles vaguely then turns her head toward her jovial mate.

"I'm sorry I didn't talk with you before. I was taken by surprise and... by feelings. I needed to figure things out in my head." His eyes shift about then land on mine with an unsure look.

I look at him, surprised by his words. _His head is hazy, too?_

"Yes, my head is... hazy sometimes, just like yours... and I'm trying to do right by you." I really need to work on thinking then speaking. "Tell me what you're thinking, please."

"I feel like I can't think right, that my body wants to do stuff before my brain says it's okay." We make our way into the trees, not moving fast, just moving. The birds fall silent around us as if they're trying not to let us know they're there.

"That's exactly what it is to be a newborn. We were all that way. Jasper is still working on focusing and making decisions. When we first meet people, he still struggles with his instincts. All of us practice and work on it."

I can hear every crunch of the leaves and dirt beneath our feet, but I try to focus on the striking being next to me whose scent makes me feel almost hungry, but not for blood. "I don't want to disappoint you, Edward." Just being near him causes me to feel longing. "I _need _to make you happy."

He stops suddenly, so I turn toward him as he speaks, "Having you here, that makes me happy."

"But going after people upsets you... I upset you." My eyes fall to the dirt at my feet. I wiggle my toes into the moist soil. It feels soft.

"It's not you. It's this situation. This isn't what I wanted for you and I'm trying to figure out what we can do to get back to how we were." He reaches out and makes like he will hold my hand, but then thinks better of it. "I don't want to frighten you. I'm not sure what to do next, Bella." He brushes a hand through his messy hair and my fingers twitch at the thought of replacing his hand with my own.

Before I realize I'm doing it, I'm standing very close to him with my hand in his hair.

"Bella," he whispers as I stroke my fingers along his head once very slowly. His hair is like nothing I can compare to but perfection. Just touching his hair, my chest pressing against his arm, it feels like something I can't put my finger on... like where I should be. It's what I should be doing. His body is tight, almost like he's afraid, but he doesn't move away. I can smell the sweetness of his breath and as the clouds move and the full moon peeks into the trees, his face shimmers just slightly causing me to stare even harder at him.

A desperate feeling washes over me; scary, but also kind of thrilling when I focus on it. It's almost like the feeling when I was incredibly thirsty and James wouldn't let me feed for a long while, then he'd release me onto a group of humans. That feeling right before I fed, when I knew something good was about to happen.

Leaning forward and bringing my hand to his cheek, I turn him slightly toward me. As his dark gold eyes meet mine, I can tell he's wary.

"I just- I just want to try one thing." He nods to me and releases another breath across my face that makes my eyes close slowly then reopen.

"Don't move," I plead as I push up on my toes, just enough to place my lips to his.

The feeling of his lips pressing against mine is like a key sliding into a lock. I need to feel more of it, more of him; it makes all the fuzziness fade away. I curl my hand into his hair and pull him toward me. A small hesitation on his part almost makes me stop, but I cannot control the craving, the full fledged addiction, to the feel of him against me.

I know nothing at this moment, but the feel of him. His lips against mine, his hand pulling at my hips, his hard body responding to mine. A switch is flipped inside me and my entire universe is now wrapped up in Edward. The tether between us is clad in iron, tightening around my heart and soul, forcing every last thought from my cluttered brain.

_Edward._

I feel roughness against my back and realize I'm pinned to a large tree, the bark digging into my spine, the sound of cracking wood slightly registering in the background somewhere beyond my universe. Nothing matters but getting more of him.

_Edward._

His hands tear at my body, trying to free it from the nice clothes Alice gave me. I'm useless though to help as I'm having the same battle with his own clothing. When I finally rid him of the dark grey button up shirt, it lies shredded in the dirt. I smile triumphantly at his naked chest before I go back to paying tribute to his lips and tongue. Nothing compares to the feel of him exploring my mouth. Every single part of me focuses on the feel of him.

"Bella, do you want this? Are you sure this is okay?" His voice is dripping with want, for me. He wants me. His hands are gripping my waist and I want more.

"Yes," I barely get out before my tongue is in his mouth, my hands falling to the button at the top of his jeans. Everything inside me stills as we kiss. No fuzzy pictures, no sensory overload, just calm. _Just Edward._

For what feels like forever we kiss and touch, exploring each other. It is amazing but then something catches my attention.

My head snaps up.

A burning trickle begins at the back of my throat.

The scent of human blood. _I want it. _Desire tears through me, pulling in in separate directions.

_Want._

_Edward._

_Blood._

_Hunt._

_Kiss._

_Thirsty._

_Lick._

_Pulse._

_Need._

_Burn._

Vaguely I sense being picked up, pushed harder.

"Stay." I am commanded by a deep, silken voice.

A whimper escapes my throat as his lips press against the hollow of my neck. My body tightens at the prospect of hunting, my muscles coiling.

"Stay," his words vibrate softly against my skin. His tongue pushes against my collarbone. Chills raging down my spine cause my body to shake slightly, from his touch or the thirst, I do not know.

My eyes are scanning the treeline. I see nothing, but I can smell them.

_People. _

_Warm bodies. _

_Blood._

"You are mine, Bella." I am _his._

"You are better than that." I _am _better.

"I need you." He _does_.

As his tongue presses against mine, his hands travel from my waist to my ass, squeezing the stony flesh. As he pushes me into the tree, it groans in protest. I begin to whine but not because of thirst. His body between my legs is now grinding into me, putting pressure exactly where I want it.

"More," I grunt into his bare shoulder, a desperation crawling through me. "Please."

Again, he pushes into me and again, a million bits of pleasure sear through my icy body. His lips find my mouth again and as our tongues move with each other, a hand makes it's way to my breast and it only adds to the overwhelming pleasure.

He teases my nipple and I cry out as he pinches it between his fingers firmly. Still pressed very solidly against the massive tree, Edward uses his other hand to unbutton my pants and snake his hand inside to tease me.

"God, you want me." He sounds astonished.

"Yes. Yes. I want you." More than anything.

He's grinding against me while using his thumb to stimulate my body until it feels like I'll break into a million pieces. The entire time my eyes are on him, watching him as he takes me, does what he wants. His eyes show me lust but also love. So _much _love.

It's not an angry possession, but a reclaiming. I've always been his, as he has been mine.

Moving my body into his hand, I chase my release, wanting nothing more than for my mate to push me over that ledge as he finds his own. It's a give and take. His labored panting and rigid thrusting tells me he's nearing and I can't help but smile.

When he calls out my name and puts his forehead to mine, I can only think, "I did this to him."

Moments later, he has me shaking, tightening my legs around his waist, screaming his name, as I find my own release.

He turns us so his back is to the tree and sits propped against it, me now straddling his lap. "You did so good, my love."

I frown, his words too closely resembling those of James.

"No, Bella, not the orgasm, although that was phenomenal." I can't help but grin when the left side of his mouth rises higher than the other. "I meant you didn't hunt the humans."

_Humans?_"There were humans. I smelled them." My mouth salivates just a touch, the venom burning my throat again.

"I know, baby, but you stayed with me. You chose me over the hunt."

"You?"

"Me." His smile falters ever-so-slightly.

Sitting speechless for a moment, my mind begins the task of processing what he's said has just happen.

There were humans within scenting distance. The pulsing, warm blood was within grasp, but Edward was... _more._

"You're more important than the hunt."

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><p><strong>EN- So is she back? All smooth sailing from here? Can I just tell you how much I love Jasper and Bella's connection? *sigh* Twelve is almost done, I'll post hopefully next weekend. Only two more chapters left!**

**Thank you x Infinity to Sunshinegal3, 22blue, and EdwardsEternal. They are incredible and they mean the world to me!**

**Some authors who are stealing my attentions at the moment to check out- Sunshinegal3's Addictward, LyricalKris' Pregella, Paper Moons from MsKathy, And the Spank the Monkey o/s! GO READ!**


	13. Retribution

**A/N- Thank you for sticking with me guys. I truly appreciate all of your thoughts and it means the world that you take the time to review! Thank you times a million to EdwardsEternal, 22blue, and sunshinegal3 whom have helped immensely with this story. They make me sound not stupid. They is good!**

**Disclaimer- I own nothing but tickets to Denver to see BD with my Nanna and my new Kindle that's filled with smutty fics :)**

**Soundtrack- ****tinyurlDOTcom / tornfic**** I'm really diggin' this soundtrack, I hope you guys like it, too!**

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><p><strong>Retribution<strong>

We sit for countless moments. No watches or clocks to mark the time, only the moon sliding across the silent sky.

I'm so incredibly at peace holding my Bella.

She chose _me_.

My musings on this turning point are interrupted by a vibration. My cellphone.

"Yes?" The irritation seeps out unintentionally, but not unwarranted.

"Why can't I see you?" Alice's voice trills slightly higher than normal, her bell-like tone now ringing like a car alarm at midnight.

"We're sitting. We aren't making decisions... why should you see us?"

"I couldn't see you at all. As soon as you and Bella made the decision to leave the house, you faded out... now you're gone. I don't like this, Edward. Do you sense anyone around? Wolves or _something_?" Her voice is warbling higher and higher with her panic that I can feel through the phone.

"Hang on," I say curtly. I sit for several moments, listening, but I hear nothing. Finally, I respond, "No, nothing."

Bella is staring at me with a perplexed look. I would venture that mine is a similar shade of confused.

"Come home. This is not good." She hangs up quickly and I turn my attention back to the beautiful creature still straddling my lap, her head on my shoulder.

"Alice wants us to return now?" she asks without moving her head.

"Yes," I answer regretfully.

"I don't think I want to go home yet." Her voice trembles against my shoulder.

"I know, but she's upset that she can't see us in her visions. Let's go home and make sure everything is all right, yea?"

Wordlessly she stands and begins to right her clothes. Seeing bits and pieces of her skin only stirs feelings in me to ravage her again only this time not stop. I quell the notion though; we need to speak to Alice and the others.

Running quickly, we make our way home. _Home_. I smile a bit at that thought. I hope this is our home.

When Bella and I enter the living room, it seems the clan has assembled.

"So you think Bella was masking me in some way?" I start in right away. Carlisle just nods while the rest eye Bella and me. Their inner monologues range from curiosity as to what we were doing to Emmett trying picture just what we were doing. _Bastard_.

Hearing everyone's thoughts at once, I try to focus in on each one. Esme is concerned, Carlisle is reviewing everything he knows about Bella and every other vampire he's ever met, Alice is remembering glimpses of me as I made decisions regarding Bella when she was with James and then black holes when I disappeared.

"There were times you couldn't see me?" I ask and she nods.

"Speak out loud so Bella can understand, please?" I ask when she begins showing me her thoughts.

"Sorry. Yes. Sometimes I saw you making decisions, but you weren't near Bella and the nomads. I'd see you make a decision to follow them on a hunt or something and as soon as you got within a certain distance of where they were feeding, you'd disappear."

Carlisle's mind is flipping through information, then he speaks, "Edward, I'm thinking that Bella is a kind of cover or mask like you said... it's fairly constant around her I think. Like how you can't read her thoughts. So her mind is keeping you out. When she becomes upset or excited, her... "shield" for a lack of a better word, pushes outward to encompass others. You couldn't always hear James and Victoria right?" I nod hesitantly. "Like when she was hunting and you were near, you would disappear from Alice's vision." I consider his words thoughtfully just as he does. He may be right.

"It only happens when Bella panics or her body is reacting to overwhelming stimuli. When I try to see her or anyone around it, it goes black." Bella's head is bouncing between each person who speaks. I don't want to confuse her, but I need her to be a part of this conversation.

Carlisle continues with the train of thought that was moving along in his mind as Alice spoke, "I think her mind works differently than usual... it could be her brain functions on a different wavelength."

"I'm defective? There's something... something is wrong with my brain?"

Several people say "no" rather loudly and she jumps. I wrap my arm around her to ease her and I feel Jasper edging around us with a soothing tide.

"You are not defective." Esme's voice is so maternal and warming; even I start to feel better when she speaks. "You have a gift. We just have to figure out what that gift is and how you use this talent."

"Esme's right," Emmett chimes in. His mind is full of visions of sneaking up on me and Alice. "You've got a natural talent. You've always pissed Edward off with him not bein' able to read your mind and now you have one up on the midget. It's awesome!" Both Alice and I glare at him, but I can't help but grin when I see him thinking about challenging Alice and me to a game of hide and seek with Bella on his side.

"I made you mad?" Bella asks quietly from beside me.

"No, ignore Emmett, he's an idiot," rubbing her back I try to soothe her with my words and hands. "It was… frustrating to not know what you were-" Suddenly, my attention is yanked away from Bella.

"Someone's here?" Rose questions from the corner of the room. Everyone's head pops up to the large bank of windows lining the east near the drive. Pale silver lights streak across the walls.

Alice gasps, "Volturi."

"What the hell are they doing here?" My mind is flooded with thoughts and panic sets in. There is no good reason for those vampires to be here now. "Why didn't you see this, Alice?" I scream at her.

"I wasn't looking for them!" She waves her hand toward the window. "I was busy with other things!" Her glares shuts my blame down instantly. Too much has happened too fast.

Immediately, the family descends the stairs as fast as lightning while I repeat what I hear in our guests' thoughts. _Revenge, trial, judgment._

Grabbing Bella to me, I stop behind the door. Placing my hands on either side of her opalescent face, I speak calmly and with as much care as I can. I don't want to frighten her, but the gravity of this situation is not lost on me. "Do whatever they say. Stay behind me, love." She nods, her eyes wide with fear. "I love you, Bella, with every part of me." Kissing her forehead soothes me slightly, but her words warm my frozen heart, "You are my life now." We turn and she follows me to the door.

As Esme opens the door, her perfect, welcoming smile in place, we watch as Jane, Alec, Demetri, and Felix walk to our front stairs as if they've been here hundreds of times. Black cloaks, menacing glares, tight, pinched scowls on each face. Demetri and Felix are sizing up each of us, Alec is leering at Bella as though she's dinner, and Jane is reminding herself of Aro's command to remain diplomatic.

Carlisle speaks first, "And to what do we owe this surprise?" He steps down to meet them, effectively cutting off their approach. Emmett and I walk behind him. Bella and the others cluster tightly behind me and I can tell from their thoughts that my family has encircled my mate.

"Who invited Pain in the Ass and Panic at the Disco?" I hear Rose ask Alice.

Jane begins icily, "We are here on behalf of the Volturi." She levels a sadistic glare toward Carlisle. "We must retrieve your new _pet _to stand trial."

"Trial for what?" Rosalie shouts above Esme and Carlisle trying to be polite.

"I think you must have made a mistake," Carlisle says sternly without acknowledging Rose's outburst. "No one here has broken Volturi law."

Demetri steps forward to flank Jane as she stands taller before she speaks her rebuttal. "Actually, Carlisle Cullen, your coven is now breaking the law by harboring a fugitive. Your new _friend_ must stand trial for what she and her former coven-mates have done. If you refuse to give her up, you will all be in violation."

I cannot be silent any longer. "This is absurd and you know it. She was not the leader and she didn't choose her role in those killings. Bella was young and didn't know any better. And she was certainly not part of their coven." I can feel her chest pressing into my back nearly shaking with fear.

"You will hand the young one over, _Cullens_, or you will regret it." Alec speaks slowly and directly. The weight of his words crush me, but I refuse to allow them to see my fear.

Carlisle looks to me from the side. I can hear him asking what they're planning. My mind can barely process what I see in theirs. Looking to my beautiful terrified Bella I know what will happen.

"If we don't give them Bella, they'll take her."

* * *

><p><em>Terror<em>.

Sheer, unadulterated fear. Rolling through my entire body to the point where I feel it radiate through me in coursing waves.

Before me stand people I've never seen. Two exceptionally large men, one smaller man, and a very, very tiny woman. They all are like us, but not. More like James and Victoria, less like the Cullens. Their eyes level me with their piercing ruby glow and my first instinct is to hide.

As they speak about me as if I don't exist, I watch them all trying to figure out why they want me. Then my mind catches up with the situation. These vampires keep referring to my transgressions. At first I just don't understand, but when Jasper leans forward and whispers in my ear, his words hit me like a bolt of lightning.

James, Victoria, and I killed. We killed a lot. They're here to punish me.

"Jane, we understand the issue, we do," I hear Carlisle say to the newcomers. "We won't just be handing Isabella over to you to do what you wish. The threat of the Nomads was eliminated. Bella is with us. She's our family member and is not killing humans any longer."

"Caius gave us strict instructions. She comes with us. With or without you, she comes with us." The girl he calls Jane has a stare that makes me want to tear off my skin. "Although, Aro did ask that I extend an invitation to the Cullens to join us in Italy." She is very persuasive even as small as she is. No one utters a word against her and this frightens me even more. We have the numbers, but no one is challenging them.

"Thank you for the invitation, Jane." Carlisle bows his head then returns to look at his family. "We will come to Italy to speak to the Volturi. We will bring Isabella with us and she will remain with us, all right?" Carlisle again speaks softly and I can hardly stand him being so kind to the girl who wants me dead.

Jasper reaches for my hand and grasps it tightly in his. I look toward him and he shakes his head minutely. He does not want me to attack.

Before I can ask a question, Edward has stepped back, and is wrapping his arms around my waist.

Looking up to Edward, I ask, "Are you letting them have me?"

"We are not giving you to them. I swear it. If we don't go, they'll come here, and we do not want that. We will all go. We'll make sure that Aro knows you were not responsible for all those deaths and they will let us _all_ come home. I promise you." His hands are now holding my face and his eyes are pleading with mine to understand. I don't understand, but I feel I can trust Edward.

Alice comes to our side and speaks quickly and quietly. "The Volturi have not decided what they want to do with Bella, although Caius wants her eliminated." I shudder at the thought. "One of their new guard members, Gianna, can see the past actions of vampires… it's like she sees their histories. He inquired about you one day, wondering if he'd ever be able to take you from Carlisle. She saw everything with James and Bella because you were so distraught. She continued to look into all of us attached to you and saw the mess the Nomads made. You know the Volturi don't like us making a show of things." Her eyes shift from mine to Bella's. "James and Victoria made a spectacle of many of their hunts, as you know." She stops for a moment, thinking in her own world. Her eyes dart back to mine after a few silent moments. "Aro would do most anything to gain you as part of the Guard, Edward. He's willing to discuss things."

Without warning the vampires in cloaks surge forward and we all crouch.

"Give us the girl. You can come later, but she comes with us now." The younger man says with a fierce tone. I am almost wanting to just give myself up for fear of what he'll do. I feel warmth in my stomach, churning through me. Edward moves to my side quickly as Carlisle continues to debate with the four vampires in the yard.

"We are not going to just let her go with you. You can shove your Volturi law." Rosalie's voice is strained and I see Esme reach for her arm.

"Exactly!" Emmett rallies behind his mate.

"If you won't give us the girl, we'll take her. Alec." Jane motions to her male counterpart and I'm terrified what will happen next. My body is clenched in fear and the warmth from my gut radiates throughout my body. Jasper clutches my arm tightly and Edward reaches back for me. They're bracing for an impact, but nothing happens.

"What's happening?" The panic in my voice causes it to crack slightly.

The Cullens are all alarmed, looking around. Emmett and Rose are at the front with Esme near them. Carlisle stands nearest to Edward who is helping encircle me with Jasper and Alice. Everyone is on guard. Just looking at their faces causes my fear to escalate even higher.

"Pain." Jane is staring at me intently but nothing happens with her command. I expect lightning to strike, but nothing occurs. The two massive brick buildings masquerading as vampires reach forward as if they're looking for an invisible fence. One speaks, "Why aren't they affected?" Then the other with a thick accent, "We can take them! Move!"

Jane screeches with pure venom, "Why aren't you two taking care of them?"

"It's not working." The young man's anger is very evident, etched across his angelic face.

Again, the men advance and Emmett, Carlisle, and Edward charge them. As they meet, Carlisle yelps in pain, and then recedes back a few steps. Rosalie helps him to regain his footing as Edward and Emmett begin to fight the two others. Alice charges the fray as does Esme, both of them grasping at the men, clawing and screaming. Jasper continues to hold me and Carlisle reaches up to me. "Are you doing this?"

"Doing what?" I glance from the fighting to Carlisle then back.

"Somehow there is a protection over us out about two feet. When I passed it, I could feel Jane's pain and torture. My senses even went dark, which is Alec's ability. I don't understand it."

"I- I don't know." Just as I finish my sentence I see the larger of the two guards pinning Edward to the ground. "No!" I scream over and over as I see the massive beast trying to rip Edward apart.

All of us surge forward toward the fighting. I see that one of huge vampires is being slowly dismembered by Alice, Emmett, and Rosalie. As we reach Edward, I hear him scream for me to stay back, but I launch myself at his killer as do Esme, Carlisle, and Jasper. Before we can reach him though, he rips an arm from my beloved. The screams of anguish will haunt me for the rest of my life. It shatters my soul hearing him hurting so much.

Within moments, both attacking vampires are laying repose with important pieces missing. My body is filled with heat, a feeling unlike anything I've ever felt before. Smelling smoke does nothing to disrupt my attention; I can only concentrate on getting to Edward and keeping him safe. Over the shouts and panic, I can hear Carlisle again is trying to explain to Jane and Alec that he will speak to Aro and others about the situation.

I am unconcerned with their answers as I sit with Edward's head in my lap; his good arm is resting on mine. I feel his fingers lightly stroking my arm and the tendrils of hair lying near my elbow.

"You'll be fine." I say over and over as he sits without speaking for what feels like eternity. Esme kneels next to me and grasps my hand. Looking into her concerned face I say again, "He'll be fine."

* * *

><p><strong>EN- I know you're going to hate me, for leaving it here... take heart! There is one chapter and an epilogue left! Unfortunately, I won't be able to get to them until the end of August at the earliest because I'll be participating in Camp NaNo with Sunshinegal3, afragilehuman, and SuperstarNanna. I'm sure others as well, but these girls are on my team and will be kicking my ass if I try to quit. I finished NaNoWriMo last year with 53K in 28 days and now I need to buckle down and TRULY finish my novel. I hope you'll understand and you won't hate me. I did post some oneshots and some outtakes to Inamorata so I hope you'll enjoy those until I come back. As soon as I feel like my novel doesn't suck super bad, I'll run right back to finish this story! I PROMISE I AM NOT FLOUNCING! I swear on my StewPorn collection!**

**Hopefully I'll see you all in a few weeks! I'll make it worth your while, I promise! *MUAH***


	14. Death Becomes Her

**A/N- I am so sorry this took longer than expected! You know how I was gonna just take August off and do Camp NaNo to finish my novel? Yeah, so failed at Camp NaNo, but I did get published :) More at the bottom!  
><strong>

**Soundtrack: ****tinyurlDOTcom/tornfic**

**Disclamer: You know the drill, I own nothing... well, I actually do own characters now! Eli and Bodie. Just not these ones! See you at the bottom!**

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><p>"<em>You'll be fine," I say over and over as he lies without speaking for what feels like eternity. Esme kneels next to me and grasps my hand. Looking into her concerned face, I say again, "He'll be fine."<em>

The pain rips through my arm like fire and throws me to my knees. I've always been in control of myself; I pride myself on knowing a situation... every situation. But there was so much chaos; I just couldn't hear everyone at once. My concern was to keep them away from Bella, but so much happened all at the same time. Now I'm writhing in pain, basically rendered useless. I hear the internal dialogue of Jane and Alec as they scramble away. They'll return; I am sure of it. I can feel Jasper trying to control everyone's rage and calm Bella.

Bella.

When I can finally focus on her, I can actually feel her beside me. She's growling and snarling. Wild and vicious.

I try to calm her by reaching out, but I don't feel her soft body against mine, only dirt meets my grasp. My vision begins to slip in and out as I try to reach out through the agony in my arm and get to Bella.

"No!" I hear her scream. She sounds terrified, and I hate myself for not being there to rescue her and protect her. My job is to take care of her and I'm failing. I hear my family around me; they're all concerned, angry, frightened.

When I try to speak, nothing comes out. I hear yelling and growling.

"She can't be alone with him!"

"He's her mate. She won't hurt him."

"He needs medical attention. He needs me to set his arm!"

"Leave her be. She knows what to do."

Their voices mingle together into white noise as my thoughts circle back to Bella.

I need her.

I need to be with her.

It feels as though nothing will help me feel better if I'm not close to my Bella.

Time begins to move slowly in pure silence. I relish no noise, no movement, nothingness. Was I destroyed? I couldn't have been. They didn't burn me. I'm still thinking. I'm still hurting. There would be nothing, but fire and brimstone if I had been destroyed by Alec and Jane and their guards.

The agony rippling through my body soon calms, the cessation causes a near numbness, and I float on a sea of blackness.

* * *

><p>"No!" I scream at them as the bodies move closer. Looming over us, coming closer and closer, I know they want to take him.<p>

They can't have him.

He's mine.

"Bella, please. Let me look at Edward," the doctor asks me again as he tries to stand, but I won't do it. I know his name, but I can't concentrate. "I have to set his arm. He needs a doctor."

I won't let anyone take him. My only thought is to keep him safe. Safe from everyone and anything that could hurt him further.

He's hurt, he's writhing beside me, and it's my job to keep him safe.

"I'll get him. We'll take him inside." The deep voice coming closer to us makes me want to lunge. The largest vampire stands and I grab at his body, anywhere I can reach, and I shove him with every muscle in my body. He lands yards away.

"Bella, stop!" Several of them yell, but I won't stop. Edward is mine.

Growling erupts from my chest. A feral, vicious sound rattles through me, causing all of them to stop in their tracks.

They will not take him away from me.

Gathering him up as best as I can, I try to carry him, but they move toward me again, and I nearly stumble trying to prepare myself for an attack.

Someone yells, "We have to help Edward! He has to be taken care of so he's not permanently injured!"

Other voices join in the protest, but I do not give a damn what they want. I will protect my mate. _I _will do it.

"Let her go." A strong voice sounds over the din of the others.

"What?" Several of them turn toward the blond man helping the doctor, who seems to have a damaged leg.

"What?" I hear from all around me.

"Are you sure?" another asks.

"She is his mate. She won't hurt him.." The woman with the caramel hair understands me. I can feel it. "Let her do this."

Their familiar faces look terrified; some of them look angry. They're moving forward again.

"He's mine," I say to the woman kneeling in front of me.

I see her nod slowly, her eyes warm, gold and black. "Yes, he's yours. Take him to the cottage."

I must look confused because the blond man steps forward cautiously with the dark brunette. Their names…. Alice... Jasper. It's coming back now. I force myself to be calm and concentrate more. They describe where to go as I see the largest one come near again. He tells me he'll carry Edward, but I crouch over him again, refusing to allow him to be taken. My body is a shield, just Edward and me, always safe. Protecting my own, I feel every part of my body coil tighter than a spring.

If he moves forward toward us again, he will die.

"Let me carry him, Bella," he nearly demands with his hands out.

"NO!" And I pick up Edward and run.

Moving deftly through the trees, the last thing I hear as I make it into the depth of the forest is one of them saying, "She can do this."

Following the directions given to me as best as I can, I make it through what feels like acres of dense brush and trees. And just where Jasper had said, there is a small house. It looks like it hasn't been used in a long time.

Making my way into the cold wood and stone building, I can smell mold and dirt. The wood has been sitting a long time untouched, little bugs scurry along in fear and birds that roosted in the eaves have bolted into the canopy of trees surrounding the house.

As quickly and gently as I can, I lay him on a cloth-covered sofa and take a step back. He's lying prone, his detached arm lying still on his chest.

A sad whimpering stirs the silent air, and I move to him to see if I can help him, but realize quickly that it's me. Kneeling in front of him, I rest my head on his stomach, curling my arms around him as best I can in the position on the floor.

_What am I going to do? How am I going to help him? He's hurt, badly hurt... I know nothing about fixing anyone. I can't take care of myself. I need constant supervision so I don't ruin everything. Why didn't I let the doctor help him?_

A memory flutters to the forefront of my mind as I stare at my mate. Edward once told me that all vampires were monsters. He's certainly not a monster and at this moment, I don't feel like one either.

Edward shifts, slightly moaning, causing me to jump up.

_Mine._

"I'll take care of you, Edward. I promise."

Once I know he's comfortable-he seems almost asleep, completely suspended-I walk out of the cabin. If he's going to survive, he needs blood.

* * *

><p>Dirt, wood, mold all around me.<p>

No sounds-inside or outside of my head- just me.

When I rise up slowly, I immediately feel my body refuses my decision. Groaning, I force myself sto ssit up completely. Taking inventory, I am sitting upon a musty, sheeted settee in the middle of the cottage that Esme and Carlisle had bought along with all of the land on which they built the new house.

I haven't been inside in years, but immediately recognize the large bay window and exposed wood beams above me.

After the couples became too much when we first moved to Forks decades ago, I came here to hide away. I hadn't wanted to be around them, especially Rose and Emmett, during their honeymoon phases. This was a refuge for me, being alone in the woods with no sounds but the leaves and birds.

I don't understand why I'm alone, but I seem to have healed. Vividly remembering the searing pain of my arm being ripped from my body, I grimace. No voices or thoughts enter my head, and I begin to get concerned as I sit alone in the near-empty room.

Standing causes me to sway to the left, and I catch myself on the hearth. I look about the room, taking inventory of myself and my situation. My clothes are worn and wrinkled, but my body is whole. The room has just the small sofa I was sitting on and a highback chair, both covered with dusty drop cloths. I notice that there's blood around me on a sheet resting on the floor. The smell didn't come to the surface right away, but as I move closer to the small puddle beside the sofa, I can see that it's somewhat dried. Scraping a nail across it, flakes shift and I catch a foul scent. Moose.

Slowly, I make my way across the cabin, moving into the kitchen then the bedroom off to the side. Nothing moves, no sounds are made other than my feet shuffling alone the boards. When I reach the bathroom, I stare at my reflection. My hair is crusted with blood and the side of my face is stained crimson. Looking down at my hands, my nail beds are rust-colored.

"What the hell happened?" I say, thinking aloud.

I stare at myself in the mirror wondering about the stretch of time between the fight with the Volturi and now.

"You're up? Are you alright?"

Her voice is like music, angels, everything. She's standing behind me, covered in dirty clothes, mud and blood patched all over her skin, but she looks incredible. Her eyes are shining gold and, although she's an utter mess, she's completely beautiful. Without speaking, I crush her to me, and I sigh audibly as her arms link behind me and clench my body to hers.

"You should eat. You need to keep healing and it's been a day since you last fed." Her voice is muffled slightly by my shirt.

"Yes, I should hunt… but I want to hold you. Please?"

"All right… but it's getting cold."

My mind stops for just a moment as I feel her body molded to mine, but then her words register.

"Cold?"

"I brought you food." She turns from my embrace and walks back toward the living room. On the exact spot beside the sofa lies another large male moose mortally wounded and dying of shock.

"Drink. Please."

My mouth fills with venom even though I know it will taste horrendous.

Mere moments pass as I drain the body and drop it on the floor.

"How do you feel?" Her voice is low, cautious, unsure.

"I-I'm okay, I think. My arm? Did Carlisle set it?"

She shakes her head, "No, I took care of you as best I could. You came and went in your head and you spoke to me a little." She smiles at this and I want to ask her why, but she continues. "You told me you were thirsty, so I brought you moose and a deer. I should've done more for you-"

"You hunted for me?" She nods again slowly.

"I know it wasn't enough, but I didn't want to go too far away if you needed me. Moose and deer are the only things near us right now. I'm sorry." Her head bows and I'm completely shocked. She hunted for me. Alone. Amazingly, she kept me fed and healed my arm. She did it all. For me.

"You did everything for me. You fed me, cared for me, you kept me whole." My words mean more than I think she knows, but she stares up at me from her spot by the hearth. Moving closer, I gather her into my arms.

"You are the reason I'm here. You understand that?"

Her eyes meet mine and just before her lips touch mine, I hear her words, quiet and honest.

"You are the reason I'm here. I know this."

Unable to control myself any longer, I pull her body into mine as our mouths meet again and again. Her taste is indescribably perfect, and I want nothing more than to stay in this moment for eternity.

She pulls herself tighter to me, ripping my shirt at the arms with her grip.

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be. For the rest of time, you can destroy every shirt I have." Laughter bubbles up in my throat and she looks at me as though I'm insane.

"You will be with me forever. For all of time and all of eternity, you are mine, Isabella. Mine."

Her flickering golden eyes widen, and then she's overtaken and I welcome her taking me. She pushes and I allow myself to land on the floor in front of the fireplace. As she rips my shirt completely off of me, she straddles my hips and my hands grasp her at the waist. Her skin is firm, but she's still soft and smooth. Her body doesn't feel icy cold, but perfect and taut.

"You are mine." I nod.

"And you are mine." She smiles widely and then attacks my mouth with hers.

Our bodies freed from clothing and inhibitions, roll and meld together in perfection. Her lithe body slides against mine, and again I smile at the thought that I belong to her forever.

"Take me, Edward." Her words are labored even though I know she isn't struggling for breath. She's overwhelmed by her emotions and senses. Cupping her face in my hands, I stroke my thumbs along the apples of her cheeks then along her ruby lips. "We will have each other. Always."

As our bodies collide and connect, I've never felt more whole than in these moments.

We are moving together in tandem, driven by need and desire when I'm dumbstruck by her words.

"So good. It feels so good. He's mine. Always mine. He'll never leave me. He's okay and he's here and he's mine."

Her words are coming out in a jumble, and I know her newborn senses are probably becoming too stimulated, so I slow her body even though my body dislikes the lessened pace immensely.

"Shhh. My sweet Bella. Shhh." I croon into her ear.

"I didn't say anything." She sits up, still astride me, and looks down upon me with confusion.

"You just said it felt good and you were getting so overwhelmed."

"I didn't." _What is he thinking about? Am I doing something wrong?_

As I hear her words but her lips don't move, I am literally struck silent. She- I heard- she didn't...

"Edward?"

"Think something again."

"Think what?" She questions me, and I can't blame her, but I cannot control myself.

Flipping her onto her back, I ask again, "Think anything. Just think something again. Think about geometry or cookies or hunting. Anything!"

Resting my hips between her legs, I watch with rapt attention as she pouts slightly. With her mouth firmly closed, I hear, "I love you."

"I can hear your thoughts, Bella." I jump to my feet then pull her up to me. "I could hear you!" I scream as I swing her around, holding her by her waist.

"I thought you couldn't hear inside my head? I thought I was on a different wavelength or something was wrong with my mind?" I shake my head and pull her into me. I can't hear her thoughts now, but I tuck her into my arms tightly. I could hear her.

Feeling her body against mine reminds me of our previous mission, and I sweep her off her feet, carrying her into the small bedroom off of the kitchen.

Her body once again engulfing mine as we move together, her thoughts ring through and mix with her words. She's praising and pleading, and I do everything in my power to live up to everything she wants and deserves. She is my perfection and my future and every hope I've ever had and every dream I didn't know I wanted.

Hours, days, weeks pass by and we spend them together. We hunt, we make love, we explore the forest, and we talk.

She can be distracted easily, but she works hard at maintaining her humanity and has yet to speak of craving human blood. Even when hikers passed within a few miles of where we were hunting, she barely flinched.

It will be a struggle for a while, but we will succeed together.

* * *

><p><strong>EN- So there you have it. Well, almost. There's an epilogue already done and awaiting betaing and approval. Once I get the green light, you'll get yourself more vampy-goodness!**

**Thank you times a million to HolletLA, who beta'd this last minute for me so I could get this out to you this weekend. She's truly a blessing.**

**Also, huge thanks to Sunshinegal3 for not only supporting me through all of CampNaNo, but also for always reading and rereading and reading again. Love you!**

**And now the really good news- I'm being published! It's a m/m love story and if that's your thing, I'd love to share. Send me a DM and I'll send you the information. The proceeds go to an amazing charity called the It Gets Better Project!**

**Thank you to all of you who've sent encouragement and for being so patient. I really wanted to give Darkella her due and I appreciate all of you who have kept reading. THANK YOU!**


	15. Whole

**A/N- Here it folks. The end of Torn. I hope I did Darkella her due justice and I've been able to tell her story as I saw it in my head after reading Twilight. This was my version, but I've had so many say that this is what they would've wanted for Bella... That means so much. I hope you enjoyed the journey. **

**Disclaimer: I own nothing the SMeyer does, but I'm glad I had the chance to play with her darlings.**

**Soundtrack: ****tinyurlDOTcom/tornfic**** I hope you enjoy the soundtrack. Each song was picked specifically for each chapter, one for the prologue, then three for each chapter after that. Enjoy.**

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><p><em><strong>Whole, the Epilogue<strong>_

Being with Edward in our little house makes me calm and content. We've spent time making it look and feel the way we want it. Cool colors, lots of white. The exposed beams have been restored and our bedroom is clean and calm with an exceptionally large bed.

Sometimes it's overwhelming and almost painful inside my head to be around his family with all their chatter and movement, but we visit them often and it is getting better. Small doses seem to work best right now. Esme visits us once a week at the cottage, usually with some kind of furniture or bedding or something to make the house more "homey," she says. She loves us very much and is very calm and caring.

We hunt with the others, and I love being with all of them when we're in the open and running together. They make me feel invincible.

Hunting can still be tricky. When humans are around, I focus on Edward. When I devote all of my attention to Edward, especially when we're in an intimate setting, he can hear me. It thrills him to no end to listen to me read in my head as he peeks in. I'll gladly read every book on the planet to him if it pleases him.

We love each other with heart, soul, and body... Hearing him tell me he loves me still makes me feel like a kid at Christmas. Feeling him love me is an out-of-body experience from heaven and any other orbit. The feel of him inside me, around me, on top of me, under me; it truly feels as though he's possessing my very core, and he says it's the same for him. We'll be so consumed in our consummation that we can't tell time and our family won't see us for days on end. We'll forget to eat until our eyes are fully onyx orbs of lust and desire. That can be dangerous for me, to let me get that hungry even while satiating my body in other ways.

Pleasing him is my main priority; it's as though every pathway in my mind leads to him, but it is not one-sided. He's captivated with me constantly and I adore having him focused solely on me. He's protective of me and often reassures me when we're in new situations.

We've had some time apart, though, over the last few months as I've gained more control and memories back. It does us good to branch out occasionally.

Rose and Alice take me shopping in stores where they can be alone all night, buying everything you could possibly want. I just watch them until they remember I'm there, and then I let them play dress up with me. I pretend to be their life-size Barbie for a while and get all my shopping for the year done in one night. It irritates them both that I'm not into clothes and shoes and will rewear the same outfit, but I won't change what I like. Maintaining _Bella_, the real Bella, has been important to me, and Edward encourages me to do what makes me feel good.

Rosalie is still cool and reserved, but I try not to take it personally; that's just who she is. Alice is as effervescent as always, and she always encourages me to try new things and test the boundaries of my comfort zone. She's even shared her love for driving fast with me, even if Edward will only let me drive the Volvo. He promises he'll buy me a car when I agree to marry him. We'll see how that works out.

Esme and I garden, and Carlisle is helping me pick correspondence courses for my first Bachelor's. The two of them make me incredibly happy and are teaching me so much. Their partnership is incredible and exactly what I want with Edward. They both do their own thing and enjoy their own lives, yet are inextricably entwined.

Emmett is still my favorite sparring partner, even though he sulks because I'm still newborn strong. He swears when it fades completely he'll throw me into a redwood and leave me there. Rose promises him every time that she'll make him sleep in a snow drift if he does.

My favorite conversation companion besides Edward will always be Jasper. We have deep conversations about how we feel and how our instincts are powerful, but do not own us. It's so good to share myself with someone who understands so completely how overwhelmed and alone I can feel. Sometimes I think Edward becomes jealous of Jasper, but he's quickly reassured when it's not only my mind, but my body that I use to remind him of who belongs to him. Forever.

My family is beautiful and kind and loyal. They keep me safe from harm, and I would do anything to keep them safe. They dealt with the Volturi who wanted me punished, and kept them from hurting me. A deal was struck because Edward destroyed the Nomads and Carlisle took responsibility for me. Apparently, he cashed in a favour to protect me. Although they tell me there's no reason, I'll forever be making it up to the Cullens.

It's not all roses and sunshine and rainbows. I still have cravings. I still desire the blood of humans, but it's lessened quite a bit. I've been around hikers and playgrounds and when we traveled to Alaska to visit the Cullens' friends, we even drove through towns and I didn't once try to leap from the car to chase down a little kid.

I didn't even drink the puppy.

* * *

><p>I was in our garden one day, alone. Esme had gone with Carlisle on a mini-honeymoon. It seemed everyone was busy, and I so enjoyed working in the dirt and making things grow. We'd expanded to creating a garden at our house, too, and I was there planting bulbs for winter when I heard a sad whimper.<p>

I quickly ran toward the noise, but didn't see anything at first, only smelled warmth and fear and heard blood pumping through a small body. Usually, animals like bunnies and squirrels didn't even cause me to raise my head anymore, but there was something about the noise... I had to know.

After a few moments, it sounded again and I found the small dog, a reddish-brown puppy.

Later, I found out from Edward that this was a wolf cub, not a puppy, but I didn't care. And as I sat with the little being on my lap in the garden, we dug in the dirt and I laughed as he chewed on some lettuce leaves and cornflowers making growly noises and pouncing around.

When Edward returned with Emmett and Jasper, I heard them long before I saw them. I concentrated hard on my mate before he arrived, not knowing what his reaction would be. As they approached, I heard Emmett ask, "Why do I smell dog?"

I thought I had done something wrong, but as I finally saw the three of them, they all had bright smiles. Jasper cocked an eyebrow at me as Edward kneeled down to inspect my new friend.

"And who do we have here?" he asked.

"I don't know. He came into the yard down at the treeline. I didn't hear a mother or an owner."

"You're okay with him sitting in your lap like that, Beastella?" Emmett asked hesitantly. I hated his nicknames sometimes.

"Yes. I'm not a complete monster, you know," I retorted harsher than I'd wanted. I could still be a bit sensitive about my past.

"No, we know. We're just impressed with your restraint. You've not hunted in days," Edward spoke as he rubbed his hand over the dog's fuzzy belly.

"Can- can we keep him?" I asked my mate. _Please?_ He pondered my request as he picked up the pup as though he were a feather.

"You really think that's a good idea, B? A pet for a vamp? What if you get the munchies?" Emmett received a very nasty glare in response and my new friend, Jake, became a permanent member of the Cullen clan.

* * *

><p>I'm going to see Charlie today.<p>

Carlisle went to see him and prepared him for me,the_ new _me. He explained my physical changes away by reminding him I'd run away and had been gone over a year. I know Charlie isn't stupid, though... I know I'll have to tell him the truth. We'll be leaving Forks in a few years, and I may never see him again.

Edward has helped me work through being without my family; so have Jasper and Rosalie. All of them were good at listening as I began to remember my human memories. I missed my dad immensely, and Rosalie knew how it felt to have left people behind. She often reminisced with me. She even admitted the reason why she acted so coldly to me before was because she didn't understand how I could give up my world for a vampire. She knew the moment she saw me with Edward that I would choose him. She was so very, very right.

She is also the one that encouraged me to go to see Charlie today. "I would give anything to be able to hug my mother 'good-bye.' I wouldn't trade being with Emmett for anything in the world, even if I don't love being a vampire. I just wish I could've said good-bye." Her words echoed through me as Edward and I drove through Forks on our way to see my father.

He knows Edward and I are together, but he doesn't understand everything. He told Carlisle and Esme that he didn't care who I was now, as long as I was still his daughter.

I'm nervous, but I know in my heart I could never hurt my father, and I know that he will always love me. I have a lot of people in my life who will always love me.

Emailing and Skyping with my mom placates her, as she has no desire to come to Washington, so I don't have to worry about her missing me too much. I know she'll never ask to see me, and I've made peace with her being independent from me.

My father though... Charlie does miss me. He thinks I'm returning from Alaska today. We've spoken on the phone, and although I've only been just around the corner, I have felt as though I was a million miles away from him.

Edward has already bought everything I'll ever need to stay in contact with Renee and with Charlie. He'll set them both up with computers and cameras and phones if he needs to, and I appreciate him so very much for helping me maintain my relationships with my parents.

When we arrive at Charlie's, I hear his heartbeat from the curb. I can sense his nervous energy and hear his pacing footsteps. Carlisle and Esme are in the car behind us, but they've promised to stay in the car unless they're truly needed. I'm not offended; it was my idea that they come along.

Edward says he has complete faith in me. I just need faith in myself.

As we approach the porch, the door is thrown open, and Charlie comes down the steps with a clatter. All usual stoicism of the police chief is gone. His hug is hard, and he tenses. I know he's feeling how my body has changed.

"Hi, Dad."

Charlie straightens out and looks down into my eyes. I'm wearing contacts, but I know I look different. My skin is flawless, no more freckles across my nose. Even though it's dark because the weather is overcast and threatening rain, I know I look like a picture of some girl who looks like his Bella. For a moment, I'm terrified this was a horrible idea. His eyes are filling with tears, and he sniffs them back and rubs his face.

"I've missed you so much." He kisses my forehead and again tenses and straightens back up. "Let's go inside. We've got a lot to talk about." He looks away quickly and we follow him in.

At first, we try to explain my being away in Alaska studying, but he quickly calls us on our lie. He asks me seriously to give him the honest truth, and I just can't lie to my father. He has never lied to me, even when life was hard, and he was away from me. He's always been my constant.

When we explain what I am, what _we_ are, he doesn't even seem phased. He asks lots of questions, and he's pleased at our "vegetarianism." He was never a touchy-feely kind of guy, but on more than one occasion, he brushes my hair out of my face or touches my arm during our hours-long conversation.

"You are really taking this all well, Charlie," Edward mentions as we're leaving.

"I've heard stranger tales from Harry and Billy," he replies with a smirk.

Edward looks concerned, and Charlie just pats him on the shoulder as we head to the door. "Don't stress about it, Edward. No one believes old wives' tales."

Edward says his good-bye and steps down off the porch. My father grips me tightly, and I know it is probably hurting his arms, but I don't want to let him go. I feel his warm breath against my scalp, and he smells like beer and cookies. I'll have to ask Edward later if my dad thought about who made him cookies. It makes me smile, though, to think about my dad having someone to look after him when we have to move from Forks.

As my father brushes his hands through my hair, I look over his arm to see Edward on the first step of the porch beaming at me. His smile is so honest and beautiful, and I feel warmed from the inside with how loved I feel.

Charlie and Edward.

_My father and my mate._

It may not have gone as planned... my being a martyr didn't work out like I'd wanted, but I can't regret the decision that led me here. To _him_.

Edward is my forever. And no matter how I arrived, I will always be blessed with forever with him.

I am finally _whole_.

* * *

><p><strong>EN- First and foremost, thank you. I really appreciate you all reading and reviewing. Thank you. There may be an outtake or two, so put the Torn Outtakes or me on alert so you can grab those.**

**To my betas- Sunshinegal3, EdwardsEternal, 22Blue, and LAHollett- Bless you, beautiful babies. It means the world that you guys liked this story, and me, enough to keep reading even when I was comma-less and repetitive and whiny. Again, thank you.**

**I've loved writing this darker, more real IMO, Bella and I'm glad you guys came along!**


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